Stop, Look, Listen, and Respond

"Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you." (Deuteronomy 5:16)

There is a lot packed into this verse in the bible. It is an important commandment for both children and parents. I want to look closely at it, but for today let's look at just one part of it. How do we begin to go about training our children to honor us? One tool that I have found very helpful with establishing honor and respect and wish I had known about when my children were younger was the Stop, Look, Listen, and Respond technique when speaking and asking your children to do something. When you address your child, they stop what they are doing, look at you, listen, and then respond to you so that you know they heard you and understand what you have asked them to do. For example, If Nathan was playing with legos and it was time to clean up and wash his hands for dinner, I would say "Nathan" He would then stop what he was doing and look at me. Once he and I were looking at each other, I would then say, "Please put your legos away and wash your hands for dinner." He would acknowledge that he heard me and was going to obey what I asked of him by responding with, "Yes, Mom" or "Okay, Mom" As with all parenting techniques and tools, the key is to be as consistent as possible. This process can then carry over to other authority figures, such as teachers, as well. If you start early and are consistent, then you are more likely to be able to establish a habit. This is just one step of this commandment. There is so much more to the word "honor." They need to honor you with their tone and attitude and then follow through with what you ask of them -- obedience. I'll address this more in another post. I must confess that I have not been as consistent with this technique as I would like to be. It's a challenge to be consistent sometimes. I've seen that it does get harder when they are older; I wish I had started it sooner. The good news is that it is still possible to implement this practice at whatever age your children may be. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, that you have found helpful or that have worked well with your children? We would love to hear them!

Praying for Our Children

How often and what do you pray for your children or grandchildren? Praying for our children is one of the best things we can do for them. Praying for their relationship with God, their character development, their safety, their friends, their future mate etc. -- there is so much to cover. I think of Nathan and Rachel and pray for them often throughout the day. These daily prayers, though, often consist of what is going on at the time like school, friends, safety, anything that they're currently struggling with. I have found the prayer calendar helps me also pray biblical virtues for my children on a daily basis. I have given the prayer calendar to family as well asking them to pray these virtues for Nathan and Rachel along with me. A dear friend laminated the calendar and put magnets on it for me. It hangs on my refrigerator and I try to look at it the morning and pray the virtue of the day for my children. I also like to spend concentrated time in prayer for my children. A resource I have found helpful that shares how you can pray through every age and stage or your child's life and also includes sample prayers is The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. My husband and I have also been fasting one morning a week with the intent of using that time to pray for our children. I wish I had had these resources and done this when I was pregnant and when my children were babies. It is never too late, though, to pray for all of these things for our children. They will benefit greatly when we turn to God and place every detail of their lives in His loving and capable hands. You can print out your own prayer calendar by clicking on the link. Try praying a different attribute each day of this week for your children.

We're all in this Together

Have you ever been in a store or a restaurant and seen children misbehaving or crying inconsolably and wondered to yourself why doesn't that parent do something to stop or help them? Have you ever thought that based on the way a baby or child is behaving that the parents might not be doing a very good job of raising them? I know that I can answer yes to these questions. I've learned a big lesson! My son had colic for the first few months of his life. He cried often and sometimes no matter what we tried we couldn't make it better and stop the crying. Even though I try my best in training my children, there are still times when we're out in public where they are misbehaving. I learned quickly that we don't know or understand the whole situation or the people involved and it's not our place to judge. Let's love and support others, not have a an indifferent or critical eye towards them. Moms, Dads, Grandparents - we are all in this together. We are parents and grandparents who desire the best for our children and grandchildren. Raising and training our children is a journey, one with hills and valleys. There will be both good and bad times. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we celebrated with each other in the good times and encouraged and supported each other during the difficult times? We are human, our children are human. We all make mistakes and sin. Instead of judging each other or each other's children, why don't we reach out, encourage and provide help if we can. One of the reasons that I started this website is to be a support. I think it's important that we support and help one another. What are some practical ways that you can help or encourage fellow parents? Make a meal for a family with young children or a family who is going through a difficult time, offer to babysit for them one night so Mom and Dad can go out, pray for them, say an encouraging word or write an encouraging note, when you're running to the store see if you can pick anything up for them. This week look for a way to reach out to a fellow mom or dad-- say a word of encouragement, meet a need if you can and pray for them. They will be blessed by it and so will you.

Story about my daughter that makes my heart smile! :)

I've received some feedback that sharing personal stories occasionally would be a good thing. Here's one that just happened this week. During our "snack and share" time after school, my first-grade daughter Rachel told me something that happened at recess. She and her friend "Sue" were playing when a boy in her class came up to them and asked if "Tom" had taken a ball away from them. Sue said "yes" that he had. My daughter couldn't believe her friend said that because he had not taken the ball from them. She stood there looking shocked while the boy ran away and told the yard duty what had happened. The yard duty then proceeded to go over to Tom and take the ball away from him. The bell rang right after that. My daughter asked her friend Sue why she said what she said because it wasn't true and it wasn't nice. Rachel also told the boy who had asked them that Tom hadn't taken the ball away. As a result of Rachel talking to her, Sue ended up going and asking forgiveness from Tom. Rachel has modeled that for her. (As a family we try and ask forgiveness if we've done something to hurt someone. We say I'm sorry only if it's unintentional -- more on that in another post). I told her how proud I was of her that she had done that and that God would be proud too. Ideally she would have said it at the moment, but it sounded like it happened pretty quickly. I want you to know, though, that this same daughter struggles with being whiny especially when things don't go the way she would like them to go. She can be unkind to her big brother and try to get him in trouble. I share this story in hopes that it will be an encouragement to you. If you seek as a family to love God and others and do what He would like you to do, you will see evidence of that in your child's life as well. Even though our family does seek to love God and others, we still definitely have struggles and areas where we are focusing and working on with our children. I have a lot of thoughts, ideas and personal experiences I can't wait to share. I will be real with you -- sharing the highs and lows, the joys and sorrows, and what we learned through them. Do you have any stories that make your heart smile? I would love to hear about them either through the comments or my email on the contact page.

Loving God

How do we go about loving God with all our heart, and mind, and soul? (the first and greatest commandment). One way is by praying and asking. Ephesians 1:18 "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints." If the eyes of our heart are enlightened and we know the hope to which God has called us, we will love God and be grateful to Him for what He has done for us (sent His Son) and what we have as a result (a relationship with Him now and eternal life with Him when we die). We love Him because He first loved us. As we spend time with Him and get to know Him better by reading the Bible, praying, and learning from others, our love for and relationship with Him grows. If we want our children to love God, our love for Him must be real and sincere. Just going through the motions won't cut it. We need to model that love and pray with and for our children for that kind of love. Our children know and see Tyler and I spend time with God on a consistent basis. We talk about Him regularly in our conversations. Praying happens frequently (not just before meals and at bedtime :)) A few examples: When the kids share with me something that is bothering them, we pray about it. When something good happens, we thank God for it! When they come into our room saying they've had a bad dream, we pray. Before school, the kids have time alone with God (they each have their own devotional book). In addition the kids and I spend a little time with Him together. I ask them how we can pray for their day. Our prayer time includes praying for the kids in their classes and for their teachers. God loves all of us so much. I pray that we would desire and seek to love Him with all our heart, soul and mind. I would love to hear any other ideas you may have on how to foster and deepen our children's love for God!

Loving Others

Words truly can not describe how much I love my children. I love spending time with and talking to them. I think of and pray for them constantly. I love being their mom and raising and training them! Because of this tremendous love for them and joy I have of being wtih them, they can sometimes get the idea that life revolves around them. That is not what I want for them. That is not what God wants for them. He wants us to think of others, to be conscious of others and their needs, and to put others first. How do I try and help them think of and love others and take the focus off of themselves all the while still loving them with all of my heart? We talk about the second greatest commandment, loving your neighbor as yourself. I encourage my children to show the love of Jesus to others and give them examples of how to do that. (i.e. letting others go first, being generous with what you have, asking the teacher if he/she needs help, making cards or notes for others). I often ask them if anyone was sick in their class so that we can pray for them. We pray for all the kids in their class and for their teachers. It makes my heart so happy when my son offers to do his sister's chores or my daughter makes an encouraging card for someone "just because." It also is important that we reach out as a family to love others. Last year at Christmastime we went over to the home of a single mom and we all helped thoroughly clean and organize her home. We make meals for those in need. The kids help me deliver them and will sometimes make a card too. I desire for our family to do more of that. God wants us to love our family first, but He definitely also wants us to love others too! Even though life is busy, we need to save and make time to reach out and show Jesus' love to others!

Our Purpose in Parenting

Besides meeting a child’s needs, what is our purpose as parents? The Bible tells us in Proverbs that we are to train up a child in the way they should go. (Prov. 22:6) What is “the way they should go?” Once again I look to the Scriptures to find the answer. According to Jesus, what are the two greatest commandments? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul is the first. Love your neighbor as yourself is the second. (Matt. 22:37-39) By doing this you bring glory to God. This is our purpose as parents -- helping and training our children to follow these commandments. The Robbins family mission is to love God with all our heart and to love others as ourselves. Tyler and I seek to live our lives in a way that reflects this, to model this for our children. Through our words, and even more importantly through our actions, we are also trying to instill this in our children. Once we know our purpose, we can better make decisions on how we go about training our children. I can’t wait to share more with you and to hear from you your thoughts as well.

Children are a "Heritage"

As mentioned in my previous blog, Psalm 127:3 states that "Children are a gift/ heritage of the Lord." Let’s look at the word heritage. The term heritage is a translation of the Hebrew word that means “property, possession ...that which is shared/assigned.” Each child belongs to God and is assigned by Him to parents. In other words, He shares them with us. They are His children first and foremost. He chose you to be your child’s parent here on earth. I tell my children that God knew that you should be with me and I should be with you. They always smile when I tell them that! It makes me smile too. What an honor to be chosen to be their parents. It sure motivates me to try to be the best parent I can be to them!

Passionate and Purposeful

These words descibe my heart and vision toward parenting and is why I have created this website and blog. Psalm 127:3 states that "Children are a gift (blessing, heritage) of the Lord." Do we see our children as blessings? If so, how will that affect our parenting? I am so very grateful for the opportunity to raise my two children. It is a privilege and comes with a great deal of responsibility. Knowing that God has entrusted these two precious children to me to raise, creates in me a passion and purpose.
I am passionate about parenting
"enthusiastic, ardent in feeling or desire, heartfelt, excited, fervent"
I seek to be purposeful in parenting
"intentional, having a purpose or goal in mind, resolute, deliberate"

A little bit about me and why I am doing this!

I am an ordinary stay-at-home mom to my two precious children, Nathan (8) and Rachel (almost 7). My husband Tyler and I have been married for 12 wonderful years! Prior to having children, I was both a preschool and elementary school teacher. I also worked as a vocational rehabilitation counselor and was on staff with Young Life, a non-denominational Christian outreach to teenagers. Now that both of my children are in school full-time, I have a little more time on my hands. My husband gave me the go-ahead to pursue whatever I wanted (i.e. go back to school, work, etc.) In praying about it and seeking what God wanted me to do, I strongly felt led to be a mentor and encouragement to other moms. When I had my babies and when my children were young, I craved wisdom and encouragement from godly moms who had "been there." It is my desire and prayer that God will use this blog, my website, and future talks to do just that, dear fellow moms, to help encourage and equip you as a mother. I welcome your questions, comments, thoughts and ideas. Looking forward to sharing more with you and to hearing from you!

Welcome!

Welcome to the Passionate Purposeful Parenting blog. Through the website and blog I hope to be an encouragement to pregnant mothers and mothers of young children. I am currently working on a talk which I will be sharing at different MOPS groups (Mothers of Preschoolers) and will gradually be updating my site with different resources which I will hope will encourage and help equip you as a mom! :) I welcome your comments!