More Than Just a Story

Our guest writer is Kate Bayless. Kate Bayless is a former high school English teacher who now works as a writer, reviewer, manuscript editor, and research analyst. None of these, however, are as interesting as daily life with the testosterone of a husband, two boys under three and a black Lab puppy. In between writing gigs, she fills her days with multi-act puppet shows, fierce battles with laundry piles, and trying to break her addiction to soy lattes. Visit her work at Babble (http://www.babble.com/), Mommies with Style (http://www.mommieswithstyle.com/) and some day when she has time at http://www.katebayless.com/.)

Nearly every Tuesday, my sons and I have a tradition. After picking my oldest up from preschool, we head downtown to the library and immerse ourselves in a world of books. Merric likes to scour the shelves for books with pictures of trucks, animals or trains while Asher contents himself with attempting to pull as many books as possible from a shelf before I can get to him. Each week, we choose a new row in the kid’s section and select six or seven books to enjoy for the week. Due to a combination of a need to get home for lunch and Asher’s habit of de-shelving books, I admit that I often make our book selections rather hastily. A peak at the cover to gauge Merric’s interest in the topic and a quick gaze inside to make sure it’s a book we can start and finish before bed are often all that our book selections get. This occasionally has led to some odd and unusual tales we have brought home. Have you ever read Centipede’s 100 Shoes where it takes Centipede all day to tie all his shoes so that by the time he’s finished, it’s time to start taking them off for bed? Or perhaps To Bathe a Boa in which a young boy attempts to get his enormous pet snake in the bath? My haste in story-picking occasionally leaves us with quirky tales like these.

But occasionally one of the stories we will get from the library will introduce a darker concept than I intend. For example a few weeks ago, we checked out Bertie was a Watchdog in which a burglar breaks into a house. While Bertie the watchdog eventually outsmarts the criminal who is captured by the police, I felt the shell of innocence begin to crack as my 2.5 year old asked me to explain what a burglar was.

“A burglar is someone who takes things from someone else.”

As we are smack-dab in the middle of the “why” phase, I should have known that this would not satisfy his curiosity.

“Why does he take things from people?”

“Well, he might not be a very nice person or he might not have enough so he thinks he needs to take from other people, even though that’s not right…” I fumbled.

“Why doesn’t he have enough? Why isn’t he a nice man? Why isn’t it right?”

Few things are more humbling that struggling to answer the questions of a two-year old. Lord help me when he’s a teenager.

I understand that sin is a part of this world and that one of my jobs as a parent is to teach my son a biblical worldview, prepare him for the presence and challenge of sin in the world and equip him with the tools to persevere in the midst of it….but it was still a harsh moment of reality remembering that that job begins now, at 2.5 years old, in the midst of reading a seemingly harmless story about a watchdog.

I was confronted again with this issue earlier this week as I sat on the couch with Merric for our morning story and milk. At his request, we were reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I was excited to read him his first taste of this holiday tale. While my tongue floated over Dr. Seuss’s rhymes, reminiscing about Christmases past that I had heard this story read to me, I suddenly realized a look of consternation crossing Merric’s face. Even in this Christmas tale, I was again faced with having to explain the darkness introduced by the story’s plot. Why does the Grinch want to steal Christmas? Why does he pretend to be Santa, but instead take away all the presents and decorations? Why does he lie to little Cindy Lou….and get away with it?

While I understand that these are all opportunities for me to teach my son about right and wrong, good and bad, there is a part of me that is sad that I am having to introduce him to these aspects of the world at such a young age. Though as I’ve reflected on this post, I am glad that he is learning about these things with me – not on his own, without a guide to shepherd his thinking and response.

With two boys under three, I am daily reminded of the immense responsibility that being a parent is and how utterly hopeless I am to meet all the of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs of my boys without God’s help. Part of our role as parents is to protect our children from danger, but we are also called to train, equip and prepare them for the dangers that we can’t protect them from.

We never know when we will be faced with one of these “opportunities” to guide our children’s thinking and develop their moral compass –– a realization that has both renewed my desire to continue to work with my husband to hone our parenting goals for how we want to raise our children and has reminded me to pray daily for the wisdom and strength to be the parent God wants me to be and my children need me to be.

Especially with young children, how do you face moments when your children are introduced to sin in the world?

Keeping Christ in Christmas

Jennifer Patchin is the mother of four wonderful children ranging in age from 4-15. Her husband is the pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia. She has the privilege and responsibility of being home to raise and shepherd their children.

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the decorations, bright lights, smells and sounds of the season. I love the traditions and festivities that surround this holiday time. We love to decorate our home, buy gifts, entertain and bake. However I am always trying to make sure that we balance all of this with what Christmas is truly about. Teaching our children to stay focused on Jesus amidst the sparkle and packages and tv commercials can be a challenge.

So here are some ideas (they are not all mine) that help us be intentional about keeping Christ in Christmas.

Read through the birth of Jesus in Luke 2:1-20 regularly throughout the month of December. As your children become familiar with the story have them practice saying the words of the shepherds or the angel. Then as a family act out this passage on Christmas morning with one person being the narrator. We have done this for years and it is fun no matter the age of our children to see them participate.

Keep the baby Jesus out of the nativity until Christmas morning. When ever they look at the nativity, talk about the anticipation of the coming Messiah. On Christmas morning put Jesus in the manger before the children wake. We always go to the nativity first to see the arrival of Jesus and sing “Joy to the world”.

For family devotion time take a different character and study more in depth about what life was like and the reality of their circumstances. Ex. Mary, Joseph, Shepherds, Wise Men, King Herod.

Talk about what you as a family and as individuals could give to Jesus. Write it out, wrap it up and put it under the tree.
Put only gifts that you are giving to others outside your home under the Christmas tree, to keep the focus on others.

At Christmas dinner, set the head of the table and leave it vacant for the guest of honor “Jesus”.

Look for ways to help others and give to those in need. Do a service project together, shop for those in need, bake or prepare a meal for someone who needs it. Check out these sites of ways that you can give to help others: www.samaritanspurse.org; www.worldvision.org

Teach your children about St. Nicolas. He was a real person that loved Jesus and sacrificially gave to others. This is a very fun and informative site.http://www.stnicholascenter.org

Practice Makes Perfect

(Linda, an African American, graduate of UCB Psychology Dept., spent 7 years on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ, wife of one husband and mother of 3 children, one son and two daughters. In a few months the last one will be a teen. Linda is a storyteller, writer of children's books and works with the second step program for elementary schools).

In my childhood and teen piano lessons my teacher urged “Practice, practice, practice: “Do these two measures over and over again until it's perfect, and then play some more!” And it worked. The hardest piano passages became simple after much repetitive practice. Famous pieces of music started off choppy and not so great then finally became a thing of beauty, giving pleasure to the listener.

In my mother's attic, my brother recently found my childhood piano books that had been lost for 25 years. I was thrilled to receive them back. I could hardly play them at first, but I played each measure over and over again. Now I have 3 piano pieces that sound great (to me!). My fingers naturally returned to the positions they were trained in as a child. I have a sense of accomplishment each time I play the piano. It will take a long time but I plan to memorize the music in this piano book. When I was young I resisted memorizing my music. I took the easy way out but suffered a huge loss over the years when I couldn't find my sheet music. Now I plan for it to be inside of me.

Parenting takes practice too! “All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16. In the Old Testament of the Bible, the law was a tutor for the Jewish people. The law trained them in right behavior. As a parent, I often ignore the part on training in righteousness. It's easy to say “Don't do this” and “Don't do that” and “if you do this” threats and punitive consequences follow but no training in right behavior. How do we train in righteousness? Practice.

When my son was 4 years old, my daughter 2, I read a fascinating book on potty training. First clear the house of people, turn off the ringer on the phone and take your toddler and yourself to potty training school. Start with a doll that wets and its potty chair, lots of food your toddler likes and a training chair. The training begins with the doll. She must learn how to stay dry and run through the house to the potty chair. While your toddler frequently eats snacks and drinks juice, the two of you train the doll to go potty in the potty chair. If she forgets and gets wet, then she must practise. Your toddler runs from point to point with the doll and runs to the potty seat – 10 times from different points in the house. When the doll is trained to stay dry, now its time to train your toddler. By this time, your toddler is ready to use the potty himself. It was a lot of fun and made potty training easy.

How can I take this principle and apply it to other parenting issues? I want my children to say “Yes Momma” when I call them not “What.” So we practiced and made a game out of it. They would go to different parts of the house and I would call and they would come and say “Yes Momma”. We celebrated each training time. How many times did we do this? 10 times.

Going to the store, how did I get my children not to pitch a fit and not ask for everything they saw? We practiced at home. Then we did trial runs to the store. We practiced, “Mom I like that. Mom I like this.” I taught them not to say “I want this” or “Can I have this.” It worked.

Pouring juice, milk or water, we practiced outside with a pitcher of water – over and over again! It worked. They learned how to pour. Give your toddler opportunities to practice what you expect of him or her.

How do you train a child to come when called? Have family and friends stand in a circle around your toddler and say “Come here Susie”. When she obeys the person who called her, the circle of friends and family claps and the toddler receives a special treat. Train them to stop the same way - in the house with a circle of friends. “Stop Joey” one calls. When he stops, everyone claps and praises him.
For one of my teens I often respond, “Back up, let's erase this scene and start over again. I'll leave the room, come back in and I want you to greet me properly with a good tone of voice.” I suppose I should practice this one 10 times!

I have another teen who gets something out and when I ask if she put it back, she'll say yes and I'll check and its never fully back in its place. Next to it, a few feet away, etc, but never in its proper place. Hopefully by this weekend, we'll practice – 10 times and we'll make a game of it and go downtown and get ice cream after she has successfully put each item away.. This teen will know beforehand that we are practicing and will know why we are doing so. I'll ask her to get me something from my room and then I'll have her put it back. Something from the bathroom, kitchen, garage etc. I'll check to make sure she puts away each item properly . I want for her to remember this training exercise every time she takes something out, pauses to put it in the easier place, but then chooses to take the extra effort and puts it in its proper place. I think this one will take multiple training sessions.

Each training time ends with praise. When my children were toddlers I would call the grandparents, god-parents, Dad at work and we would celebrate. These training times were not punitive but fun and geared to make obedience attractive. “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Whether its music or sports, etiquette, answering the phone, shopping manners, playing at someone else's house, practice in the privacy of your home with a good and cheerful attitude. Watch your child mature and learn the intrinsic principle - It feels good to do what's right.