Confessions of a Codependent

Author: Jeanine Cook
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 17 yrs. They have three children Dylan 14, Jericho 9 ½ and Gentry 8. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!

I am terribly co-dependent. Daily, from moment to moment, I am painfully aware of my inability to parent or discern a matter without the Spirit’s leading. I fail time and time again when I go with my gut or my perceptions. Even with 14+ yrs of parenting under my belt, I find myself misreading, misunderstanding and missing the mark when it comes to parenting my three beauties. Left to myself, I am prone to harsh responses, heavy handed judgments and incorrectly assessing heart intentions.

When faced with my shortcomings, I am swiftly brought to my knees as I face the ugly truth that I am a train wreck without my Lord’s wisdom and grace. I become speechless as I am now clearly exposed for who I am…who I am, what I am capable of WITHOUT the Spirit’s help. Now, on my knees, I am equipped to see, hear, and understand from the Lord the truth of the situation. More often than not He shows me that I didn’t ask enough questions before I spoke, even if I was an eye witness. I am reminded of the time I scolded my son for rudely changing the channel his sister was watching without asking her first only to have him reply, “But Mom, there was an inappropriate commercial showing!” . Or the time countless times I have judged heart intentions only to find that my child had done what was asked of them or that they weren’t the problem, they were solving the problem. Had I asked questions of them before assessing the situation I would have not erroneously disciplined them. If I had spoken to the Lord first I would have been reminded by Him to get the facts first.

I now find myself pleading with the Lord to save my children from me and to grace them with Him. I beg Him not to leave me to myself but to help me understand and be teachable, to extend grace and mercy. I am called to discipline, teach and train my children Proverbs 3, Proverbs19:18, Deuteronomy 11:18&19. At the same time I am reminded in Proverbs 3:5 to be teachable my-self, not to rely on my own understanding, but in all my ways to acknowledge the Lord. I need to talk things through with the Lord even in the moment. Verses 13-26 speak of the immeasurable value of wisdom. I need the Lord’s wisdom daily to be successful in every area of my life. Proverbs 16:21 says that “sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”. I want desperately for my children to be persuaded by my words to do as the Lord tells us to. It is for His glory and for their benefit if they do! Lastly, God wants me to obey too! Hebrews 11:10 “He disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

I could easily become discouraged in my parenting if I focus on my faults and past failures. I need to do as Peter did and look at Jesus and what He can do, not look at the rough waters I am in. If my eyes are on the Father, my head is above the water. The Lord reminds me in Hebrews 13:20&21 that it is the Lord who “equips us” to do His will. He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. We all need to be co-dependent…… on Him.

Next Week's Author: Kim Ashbaugh