My First Priority

Author: Kim Ashbaugh

Kim Ashbaugh is formerly an elementary school teacher and presently a homeschool mom of three daughters: Julianne, 16; Jamie, 13; and Jennie, 10. Her family has lived in Florida, California, and presently resides in Georgia. She loves chocolate, old movies, Jane Austen novels, and almost anything "old-fashioned." She appreciates modern technology but longs for the simpler days. Her highest priority after God is her husband and children, and after that she loves to minister to young moms.

This week, I celebrate 19 years of happily wedded bliss with my husband, Brian.
When I got married 19 years ago, I loved God and my husband and wanted to be a good wife and mother. Over the years, I have both matured and made mistakes. I have also learned from other couples' exampes...both good and bad. My husband and I have had seasons of both blessings and trials. One thing I have learned to keep a marriage (and thus, a family) together is to make it the first priority in your life. Some parents mistakenly think that once children come in to the picture, the children are their priority. They feel that life should revolve around their little darlings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Putting children first actually harms a marriage, and if a marriage crumbles, happiness and security for the children crumbles with it. I am not suggesting you neglect your children but that you show them that Mommy's and Daddy's relationship is very important, and they are a welcome extension of that relationship.
Now, I mentioned that God is my highest priority...but serving my husband is one way to serve God. (Genesis 2:18) I choose to put him above all other commitments in my life. That sounds good, but how to do it? Obviously I do not sit around all day, fanning my husband and feeding him grapes (wouldn't he like that!). The following are practical suggestions for making your spouse and marriage your number one human priority:
1...Make time for each other by following a routine. When my children were younger, we had them in bed by 8:00 each night. We spent some time bathing and reading to them, praying together, and then we turned out the light. By having an established routine, we usually avoided any problems with the girls getting out of bed or being fussy. (Notice I said "usually." Nothing works 100% of the time!)
2...Go to bed at the same time as your spouse. It's so tempting to stay up checking e-mail or watching tv, but you need that time together. When your children begin to enter the teen years and stay up later, bedtime may be the only chance you have to talk uninterrupted!
3...Date each other...the book of Song of Solomon in the Bible never mentions the couple shopping at Wal-mart together. Do something you would do if you were dating. (In fact, maybe you could read "Song of Solomon" together...there's an idea!) Note: Often, Brian and I have been short on cash and have had to be creative. We've traded child care with friends who had children of similar ages, or had the kids spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house. You could go on a picnic at a local park, ride bikes to the ice cream store, or split a milkshake at a fast-food restaurant. The point is spending time together...not necessarily spending a lot of money.
4...Ask you spouse if he needs anything done today...then make that thing your number one priority, whether it's picking something up at the store or getting that check in the mail. You will be showing him honor by making his wishes your priority. (Husbands can do the same thing...I know I would probably say, "Yes! You can take out this garbage!") Imagine the delight of a spouse who is the recipient of a good deed done without having to nag!
5...Realize your spouse is as imperfect as you are...and remember that some of the things that may drive you crazy are the very personality traits that attracted you to him or her. One thing I fell in love with about my husband was his laid-back personality. He could tolerate my more high-strung personality and not even get flustered. After we were married awhile, I got frustrated as his procrastinating when it came to making decisions. I realized that stemmed from his being a laid-back person, and that I actually like that character trait. He eventually makes the decision...especially when I step back and allow him the space he needs.
You are not always going to be able to "put each other first" in every situation. Obviously, a nursing mother needs to attend to her hungry baby and may not be able to do everything she's used to doing in a timely manner. A husband may have to work late as he provides for his family. Brian and I actually celebrated our anniversary a couple days early, because the Youth Group cookout was scheduled at our house on the actual day. The point is we celebrated it rather than skipping it. Making your spouse your number one human priority is more of a heart attitude towards God...knowing that staying together is His plan, you can feel confident about making your partner for life your "#1."