Parent on Patrol

Author: Jeanine Cook
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 17 yrs. They have three children Dylan 14, Jericho 9 ½ and Gentry 8. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!


I was recently reminded of how terribly concerned I would be any time one of my children began to struggle in an area of behavior. I was quick to panic and become concerned that if, for instance, they were struggling with lying that they would always be a liar or if they were being short tempered that they were always going to struggle with anger. Worry would spur on these thoughts to the point of sure anxiety and fretfulness. It took the encouragement of the Spirit and some older moms to talk me down off the roof top. I needed to focus on my role in their struggles , not become consumed by their sin itself and where it might take them if unchecked.

My first job is to consider my Helper, the Lord, and what is possible in His strength Phillipians 4:13, “ I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me”. Secondly, I needed to be honest with myself and my child. I was to call their sin , sin and meet it with appropriate attitude, consequence and with a heart of restoration. My role is not that dissimilar to that of a police officer. When he or she begins their work day they are fully aware of the fact that they are going to encounter individuals throughout the day that are breaking the law. The officers job is to pull that individual over and discuss the matter. The first question is, “Do you know what you were doing that was wrong?”. The offender is given the opportunity to respond. The officer makes clear what the infraction was and then calmly (hopefully) issues the consequence. The offender signs the ticket acknowledging the conversation and receives the consequence, hopefully without arguing. If there is arguing , that is addressed as well. The point is that it is the officers job to stop the offender, state the rules again (make sure your rules are clear as well as consequences before the infraction) , and issue a consequence. We are to be calm and to be clear and to be consistent.

Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son while there is still hope.”. We need to be willing to stop what we are doing and to show love to our children by disciplining them, “God disciplines those whom He loves.”Hebrews 12:6. Verse 10 of the same chapter goes on to say that He disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. Proverbs 6:20-23 Make it very clear that a son is to bind the teachings and commandments of a mother and father on their heart,” When you walk about they will guide you; when you sleep they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is a light ;And reproofs for discipline are the way of life.” Love your child by disciplining and training them in righteousness.

It is important that we be careful how we speak. Proverbs 16: 21 says, “ sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” Use your words carefully and don’t shame them. You want to implore them to avoid sin, that requires gracious, firm speech. If our words are harsh they are more likely to now be aware of your sin and their hurt feelings than of their own sin.

Don’t be surprised if you revisit areas of behavior that you thought they had over come. We too have relapses. Don’t dismiss it either. Simply address their sin consistently. Be careful not to exasperate them. We need to work an area or two at a time, not every area of sin at once. That is not how God works with us. But when He does show us something we are to respond in obedience. I even encourage you to pray that the Lord reveals your child’s sin to you so that it can be addressed now rather than later when they are more entrenched by their sin.

When my children were younger, when they got up in the morning we would discuss what area we we’re going to work on. For example, “Hey Dylan,I am so glad to see you this morning!! Hey Buddy, today we are going to work on having a great attitude when mom asks you to do something , okay. You’re going to look at me when I talk to you and when I am done telling you what you need to do, you are going to say Yes mom with a happy heart okay?.” Sometimes we would even practice a few times before we started our day. We would pray for God’s help and then get on with the day.

The key in parenting is and will always be dependence on the Holy Spirit to know what to address, how to address it and to follow through with the consequences in a godly fashion not in anger or without self control. Be encouraged. God is our strength and He can guide us through all that we will encounter with our children. Be sure to show your children in the scriptures verses that apply to their sin and give them a verse addressing what righteous act they are to replace their sinful act with ie lying/honesty, anger/patience and self control,etc.. God is good to tell us not just what to stop doing but also what good things to replace the sin with.

Don’t be surprised by your children’s sin. Like the officer know it is a going to happen and be consistent in addressing it calmly, clearly with a predetermined, previously discussed consequence. Start your day with a prayer that you can be the parent to your children that He is to you!

Next week's Author: Kim Ashbaugh