Practice Makes Perfect

Author: Wendy Clark

Wendy Clark has been married to her husband Roy for 23 years and has three daughters ages 16, 14, and 4. She homeschools her girls, teaches English at Napa Valley College, and is very involved in her church (Northgate Christian Fellowship) in Benicia, California. Visit her website: wendyclarkministries.com or email her: wendyclark@prodigy.net.

In his book To Train Up a Child1, Michael Pearl makes the point that if we can train a horse or a dog, certainly we can train a child, who is far more intelligent and capable of understanding.

What kinds of things do we teach a horse? He points out that we teach a horse to respond to our gentle prodding, to obey immediately, to be calm when it needs to be, to work hard when it needs to, to pay attention and be alert to danger.

How then, do we teach a horse these things? By practicing them. We give a command over and over again. When we get the desired response, we reward with praise or sometimes treats. When we do not get the desired response, we withhold praise and sometimes bring discomfort if necessary. Then we practice some more, encouraging every step that goes in the right direction.

Debi Pearl gives the example of teaching your child to come when called. She suggests that you play a game. First, give your child specific instructions: You stay here. I am going to go somewhere in the house and call you. When you hear my call, you come right away. We’ll see how fast you can listen and come. Then you walk into a different room and call (with very young children, you can just walk across the room). If your child comes immediately, reward him or her with lots of excitement, praise, and affection. If he or she doesn’t respond or responds slowly or half-heartedly, there’s no need to make a big deal about it; just say something like this: Let’s try that again. I know you can be much faster than that. Then repeat the instructions and try again.

When your child begins to get the idea, try moving to different rooms or even hiding. Play the game often, and each time when you are finished, remind your child of this: Whenever you hear me call you, wherever we are, in the store or outside or at church or at the park, any time that you hear me call, you come just as fast as you can. When you are in a public place, and your child responds to your call, don’t forget to give lots of excitement, praise, and affection.

I wish I had learned the principle of training when my two oldest girls were young, but I have used it with my four year old, and it works well. It makes teaching fun, and it’s far easier to remain calm in teaching something in advance, rather than being stressed out, wondering how my child will respond when I need her to.

Here are some other ideas of things to practice at home with your child:
· Wait to eat until the host/hostess takes a bite
· Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you without permission
· Clean up after yourself
· Introducing yourself to a new friend

I’m sure you can think of many others. Make up a fun and easy game to practice the principle when you are well rested and in a good mood. (Waiting for the hostess to take a bite brought our household a lot of laughter.) Then instruct, play, reword, and repeat.

1Michael and Debi Pearl, To Train Up a Child,


Next Week's Author: Linda Wright

Cherish Your Children

Author: Jaime DeCarlo
Jaime is a former elementary school teacher and currently a stay-at-home mom. She has been married to her wonderful, hard-working husband, Ken, for eight years. Together they have Shelly (17), Kenneth Jr. (15), and their miracle baby, Emmalyn (5 months).
In reading my introduction, one may wonder about the years of marriage vs. the ages of our children, so please let me explain. God gave me a unique situation of “picking out” my first two children. My first year as a first grade teacher, I fell instantly in love, but not with my husband. You see I first fell in love with his darling little tomboy seven-year-old daughter and sweet baby faced five-year-old son! As I taught one and the other was in the classroom next door, I longed to fulfill the needs of these precious motherless children. My husband was an excellent single father, but they still needed a mommy’s touch. I began taking interest in their lives beyond the classroom. They became my special helpers after school and I began attending their sporting events and other extracurricular activities. I prayed daily that some how I could be their mommy and over the next two years, God put our family together in the most amazing way (of course I fell in love with their dad eventually too!)
Yesterday our family celebrated our eighth anniversary together and ironically during my morning reading I came across this statement, “Many people have children, but do not want to be parents.” Now if you are reading this post, you are most likely not in that category of parents, but how sad that one even exists! Children are so dear to my heart and I encourage all moms out there to not just want to be parents, but to continually grow into better parents through God’s word and the many other great resources out there. Last week’s post was about putting our spouse first and I couldn’t agree with that more, but let’s put our children next, not our jobs, ministry, goals and to-do lists. It seems like just yesterday Shelly was my little favorite first-grade student and now she is my 17-year-old working daughter! And that 5-year-old baby faced boy in the class next door just had his first driving lesson with his new permit! It goes so fast. Often people see our family with two teenagers and a baby and give us that “Why are you starting all over?” look. Well we are blessed beyond belief to get to do it all over again and we will cherish every moment.

Next Week's Author: Wendy Clark

My First Priority

Author: Kim Ashbaugh

Kim Ashbaugh is formerly an elementary school teacher and presently a homeschool mom of three daughters: Julianne, 16; Jamie, 13; and Jennie, 10. Her family has lived in Florida, California, and presently resides in Georgia. She loves chocolate, old movies, Jane Austen novels, and almost anything "old-fashioned." She appreciates modern technology but longs for the simpler days. Her highest priority after God is her husband and children, and after that she loves to minister to young moms.

This week, I celebrate 19 years of happily wedded bliss with my husband, Brian.
When I got married 19 years ago, I loved God and my husband and wanted to be a good wife and mother. Over the years, I have both matured and made mistakes. I have also learned from other couples' exampes...both good and bad. My husband and I have had seasons of both blessings and trials. One thing I have learned to keep a marriage (and thus, a family) together is to make it the first priority in your life. Some parents mistakenly think that once children come in to the picture, the children are their priority. They feel that life should revolve around their little darlings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Putting children first actually harms a marriage, and if a marriage crumbles, happiness and security for the children crumbles with it. I am not suggesting you neglect your children but that you show them that Mommy's and Daddy's relationship is very important, and they are a welcome extension of that relationship.
Now, I mentioned that God is my highest priority...but serving my husband is one way to serve God. (Genesis 2:18) I choose to put him above all other commitments in my life. That sounds good, but how to do it? Obviously I do not sit around all day, fanning my husband and feeding him grapes (wouldn't he like that!). The following are practical suggestions for making your spouse and marriage your number one human priority:
1...Make time for each other by following a routine. When my children were younger, we had them in bed by 8:00 each night. We spent some time bathing and reading to them, praying together, and then we turned out the light. By having an established routine, we usually avoided any problems with the girls getting out of bed or being fussy. (Notice I said "usually." Nothing works 100% of the time!)
2...Go to bed at the same time as your spouse. It's so tempting to stay up checking e-mail or watching tv, but you need that time together. When your children begin to enter the teen years and stay up later, bedtime may be the only chance you have to talk uninterrupted!
3...Date each other...the book of Song of Solomon in the Bible never mentions the couple shopping at Wal-mart together. Do something you would do if you were dating. (In fact, maybe you could read "Song of Solomon" together...there's an idea!) Note: Often, Brian and I have been short on cash and have had to be creative. We've traded child care with friends who had children of similar ages, or had the kids spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house. You could go on a picnic at a local park, ride bikes to the ice cream store, or split a milkshake at a fast-food restaurant. The point is spending time together...not necessarily spending a lot of money.
4...Ask you spouse if he needs anything done today...then make that thing your number one priority, whether it's picking something up at the store or getting that check in the mail. You will be showing him honor by making his wishes your priority. (Husbands can do the same thing...I know I would probably say, "Yes! You can take out this garbage!") Imagine the delight of a spouse who is the recipient of a good deed done without having to nag!
5...Realize your spouse is as imperfect as you are...and remember that some of the things that may drive you crazy are the very personality traits that attracted you to him or her. One thing I fell in love with about my husband was his laid-back personality. He could tolerate my more high-strung personality and not even get flustered. After we were married awhile, I got frustrated as his procrastinating when it came to making decisions. I realized that stemmed from his being a laid-back person, and that I actually like that character trait. He eventually makes the decision...especially when I step back and allow him the space he needs.
You are not always going to be able to "put each other first" in every situation. Obviously, a nursing mother needs to attend to her hungry baby and may not be able to do everything she's used to doing in a timely manner. A husband may have to work late as he provides for his family. Brian and I actually celebrated our anniversary a couple days early, because the Youth Group cookout was scheduled at our house on the actual day. The point is we celebrated it rather than skipping it. Making your spouse your number one human priority is more of a heart attitude towards God...knowing that staying together is His plan, you can feel confident about making your partner for life your "#1."