What Really Matters

Author: Kim Ashbaugh
Kim Ashbaugh is formerly an elementary school teacher and presently a homeschool mom of three daughters: Julianne, 16; Jamie, 13; and Jennie, 10. Her family has lived in Florida, California, and presently resides in Georgia. She loves chocolate, old movies, Jane Austen novels, and almost anything "old-fashioned." She appreciates modern technology but longs for the simpler days. Her highest priority after God is her husband and children, and after that she loves to minister to young moms

Three weeks ago, a horrible tragedy occurred in our community. One of the families from our homeschool group lost their dad. He was killed in an accident on the way to work.

With the shock of that event, I began to think..."What really matters?" Have I really invested my life as a spouse and parent in things that matter, or am I distracted with trivial things that count for nothing in the long run?

The man who was killed, Chuck, knew what really mattered. As his 15-year old son grieved the loss of his dad, it was the loss of a companion, a buddy, an instructor... not some distant person he had very little contact with.

What made Chuck a good dad was, first of all, that he was faithful to his spouse. He loved her through good times and bad, and stayed married to her. I do not know all the details, but I am sure not all their times together were blissful. Yet he remained with his wife, giving security to her and his children.

Chuck was a good provider, a responsible worker. He was on his way to work when he died, a job he went to over and over, week in, week out. It was not necessarily an extremely fulfilling career, but Chuck went everyday, in order to bless his family with a regular paycheck so they might have what they needed. The flip side of that was that Chuck did not work excessive overtime or strive for unlimited wealth. That would have required him to be away from his family too often. He may have also understood that "riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven."

The final aspect of Chuck's life that struck me was his relationship with his son. Yes, Chuck was the dad and therefore held a position of disciplinarian, but he also enjoyed his son, spending time just the two of them. When my husband met Chuck, they were in a group of parents and teens attending a contemporary Christian band concert. Chuck had taken time out from his schedule to attend the event with his son, and they had ridden there together on Chuck's motorcycle. They must have ridden that motorcycle together at other times, just Dad and son, enjoying their time together.
Thankfully, Chuck was a believer in Jesus Christ; therefore, his family has the assurance of seeing him again one day in heaven. But while they are still on this earth, Chuck's wife and son will treasure the good memories they have of him... memories that are possible because Chuck knew what really mattered.

Next Week's Author: Jaime DeCarlo

Parent on Patrol

Author: Jeanine Cook
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 17 yrs. They have three children Dylan 14, Jericho 9 ½ and Gentry 8. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!


I was recently reminded of how terribly concerned I would be any time one of my children began to struggle in an area of behavior. I was quick to panic and become concerned that if, for instance, they were struggling with lying that they would always be a liar or if they were being short tempered that they were always going to struggle with anger. Worry would spur on these thoughts to the point of sure anxiety and fretfulness. It took the encouragement of the Spirit and some older moms to talk me down off the roof top. I needed to focus on my role in their struggles , not become consumed by their sin itself and where it might take them if unchecked.

My first job is to consider my Helper, the Lord, and what is possible in His strength Phillipians 4:13, “ I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me”. Secondly, I needed to be honest with myself and my child. I was to call their sin , sin and meet it with appropriate attitude, consequence and with a heart of restoration. My role is not that dissimilar to that of a police officer. When he or she begins their work day they are fully aware of the fact that they are going to encounter individuals throughout the day that are breaking the law. The officers job is to pull that individual over and discuss the matter. The first question is, “Do you know what you were doing that was wrong?”. The offender is given the opportunity to respond. The officer makes clear what the infraction was and then calmly (hopefully) issues the consequence. The offender signs the ticket acknowledging the conversation and receives the consequence, hopefully without arguing. If there is arguing , that is addressed as well. The point is that it is the officers job to stop the offender, state the rules again (make sure your rules are clear as well as consequences before the infraction) , and issue a consequence. We are to be calm and to be clear and to be consistent.

Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son while there is still hope.”. We need to be willing to stop what we are doing and to show love to our children by disciplining them, “God disciplines those whom He loves.”Hebrews 12:6. Verse 10 of the same chapter goes on to say that He disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. Proverbs 6:20-23 Make it very clear that a son is to bind the teachings and commandments of a mother and father on their heart,” When you walk about they will guide you; when you sleep they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is a light ;And reproofs for discipline are the way of life.” Love your child by disciplining and training them in righteousness.

It is important that we be careful how we speak. Proverbs 16: 21 says, “ sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” Use your words carefully and don’t shame them. You want to implore them to avoid sin, that requires gracious, firm speech. If our words are harsh they are more likely to now be aware of your sin and their hurt feelings than of their own sin.

Don’t be surprised if you revisit areas of behavior that you thought they had over come. We too have relapses. Don’t dismiss it either. Simply address their sin consistently. Be careful not to exasperate them. We need to work an area or two at a time, not every area of sin at once. That is not how God works with us. But when He does show us something we are to respond in obedience. I even encourage you to pray that the Lord reveals your child’s sin to you so that it can be addressed now rather than later when they are more entrenched by their sin.

When my children were younger, when they got up in the morning we would discuss what area we we’re going to work on. For example, “Hey Dylan,I am so glad to see you this morning!! Hey Buddy, today we are going to work on having a great attitude when mom asks you to do something , okay. You’re going to look at me when I talk to you and when I am done telling you what you need to do, you are going to say Yes mom with a happy heart okay?.” Sometimes we would even practice a few times before we started our day. We would pray for God’s help and then get on with the day.

The key in parenting is and will always be dependence on the Holy Spirit to know what to address, how to address it and to follow through with the consequences in a godly fashion not in anger or without self control. Be encouraged. God is our strength and He can guide us through all that we will encounter with our children. Be sure to show your children in the scriptures verses that apply to their sin and give them a verse addressing what righteous act they are to replace their sinful act with ie lying/honesty, anger/patience and self control,etc.. God is good to tell us not just what to stop doing but also what good things to replace the sin with.

Don’t be surprised by your children’s sin. Like the officer know it is a going to happen and be consistent in addressing it calmly, clearly with a predetermined, previously discussed consequence. Start your day with a prayer that you can be the parent to your children that He is to you!

Next week's Author: Kim Ashbaugh

Why I Am Loving Homeschooling

Is it time yet? Can we start school now? The first day of school my children were so excited to start homeschooling (we had been talking about it since last school year) that they were ready to start school by 8:20. They had already showered, done their quiet time, completed morning chores, ate breakfast and had devotion with mom. We were all raring to go! There had been a lot of build up (and much preparation by mom). I wondered if we would all feel the same way after a couple of weeks.

This is our second week and I can honestly say that I love homeschooling my two children. I thought I would share with you a glimpse into what homeschooling has been like and why I am really enjoying it.

I have so much more quality time with my children to train and enjoy them. In the mornings we don't feel rushed AND we are having devotional time (currently we are studying the 10 commandments) and praying for others. We tried to do this when we attended public school last year, but it always seemed rushed if and when we did do it. Our mission as a family is to love God and love others. Homeschooling has given us the opportunity to do both better. One benefit has been that we are spending more time with God individually and as a family, integrating Him into every part of our day (schooling included). Our theme verse for school this year is Colossians 3; 23-24. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Our first class rule is to do our best for the Lord. In Science this year we are using "Considering God's Creation" curriculum. The whole year we will be studying different parts of God's creation.

As a family, we also feel it is important to love others. With homeschooling comes more flexibility, time and freedom during your week. We were able to bake brownies and give cards to our neighbors this past week and we've written letters to Grandparents as well. These were things we wanted to do before, but with school, homework, and activities, it was sometimes challenging to find the time. There will be many more opportunities to love and serve others and, because we can be very efficient with our time during the school days, we have time during the week to reach out to others.

A few other reasons I enjoy homeschooling:

*They spend time with other adults who will influence their lives in a positive way (Daddy is teaching them technology, Grandma is teaching art and music, my dear friend is teaching them Social Studies etc.)

* Being the one who is teaching my children, I can challenge them and tailor school more to their interests and learning styles as well as provide immediate feedback. I also have control over what is taught.

* I love the extra time down time I have with the kids -- reading, talking etc.

Don't get me wrong, there are some downsides to homeschooling such as trying to juggle being their full-time teacher, mom, and the homemaker etc. Most days I am working from the time I get up to the time I go to bed (which is later now 10:30 or 11:00 compared to 9:30 or 10 before homeschooling). I miss the students, teachers and parents at the school. Although my kids have not said anything about missing school yet, I know they miss their friends. I have less time and energy to do things outside of the school day, such as get together with friends, work on PPP ;), etc.

In my opinion, though, homeschooling is definitely worth it. I know there will be times where I may not feel this way, but I am confident that I am doing what God would want me to do for my children. I know, too, that we are all benefiting as a result of our decision to home school.

Next Week's Author: Jeannine Cook

PPP: Puppies, Poopies, and Punishment

Author: Tyler Robbins
Tyler has been married to Mrs. PPP for 13 years, with son Nathan, 9 and daughter, Rachel, 7. In addition to serving as PPP technical support, Tyler works for an Internet company and serves as an Elder in New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, CA.


Six months ago my wife and I had a brief moment of insanity, adopting two mischievous, hyper, un-housebroken puppies into our home. At the same time, I was starting a new job, so there would be little time to do any meaningful behavior training, though I suspect more time would not have made this story go much differently.

The puppies, I’ll call them Chewy and Poopy to protect the guilty, first showed appreciation for their new home by christening every room countless times with a combination of poop, pee, diarrhea, and vomit, and possibly all four at once by the look and smell of it. Meanwhile, they decided that our spacious backyard was not enough, and repeatedly scaled our 6’ fence in order to meet the neighbors, the neighbors’ cat, and most importantly, the neighbors’ cat food. Usually, the trip was short, and before we even knew they got out would show up at our front door ready to start the game over again. That is except the time they roamed the neighborhood for a couple of hours before finally being rounded up by the local police. I had to go downtown, shamefully identify my dogs, and bail them out of puppy jail. I had a half a mind to leave them there overnight and let them consider the consequences of their actions.

Behavior-wise, that was relatively mild compared to the myriad of items they have chewed up or destroyed in our house and the backyard. They started unimaginatively chewing shoes and slippers, but soon graduated to gnawing holes in the baseboards and door trim. They mulched two large books, scattering fragments of the pages to the four corners of our yard. The chewed holes in a BBQ cover, patio chair, and even our trampoline. They seemed to take particular delight in completely upending and emptying 10 large flower pots we had planted with fresh flowers that same day.

Needless to say, I have been thinking a lot about ‘punishment’ the last few months. What options, humanitarian or otherwise, did I have at my disposal? Other than making me feel better, would yelling ‘NO!’ or swatting them on the hindquarters really accomplish much? How do you train a creature that so clearly has an unrepentant sin nature to behave differently? And how much punishment is too little, or in this case, too much?

Luckily, I’ve had no shortage of teachable moments to work all of this out. Early on I recalled an important lesson a dog trainer taught me years ago with our first dog. He used a training collar (the ones with the blunt spikes), and during training sessions would encourage me to really give it a firm tug when the dog didn’t follow a command. He said some people have a hard time with training collars because they don’t want to hurt the dog, so they just mildly pull at it to no effect. He asked a question I always remember – what’s more cruel to a dog – a few painful corrections early on that quickly teach them to obey, or hundreds of mildly uncomfortable corrections which never quite have the same effect? His point was to take quick and decisive action against wrong behavior, rather than poorly dealing with it over a long period of time.

Also, I wondered how long after the crime was committed could I hand down the punishment? I don’t know how much dogs remember, but I imagine it was hard for them to figure out why I was yelling at them for laying there peacefully, hours after inflicting their damage. The punishment also had to be straightforward. it was clear pretty early on that dogs have no concept of the silent treatment. I was not going to guilt them into behaving.

Also, when they misbehaved, I had to figure out what my motives were in the punishment? Although I selfishly wanted to punish them simply for being bad, I knew my main goal was to prevent it from happening in the future. My punishment had to be purposeful, with the goal of them learning the correct behavior by seeing my displeasure over the wrong behavior, resulting in permanent behavior changes.

At the same time as we’ve been dealing with these puppies, my wife and I have been re-doubling our efforts to correct some behavior issues with our 7 and 9 year old children. Nothing serious like pooping on the carpet, but consistent issues like disrespect and poor attitudes. Character issues that, left unchecked, are un-Godly characteristics now and could get worse. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the similarities and differences in disciplining my children and puppies, and these are some of the things I’ve come up with:
· Punishment=Discipline=Training – punishment has a negative connotation, but it is an essential part of training our children. It’s also no coincidence that Disciple is the root of Discipline. How can we shun one while we try to become the other?
· Motives – certainly good behavior is a mutual goal. But more importantly with my kids, my goal is that discipline would bring holiness and a healthy submission to us as their parents. It should be a respectful, joyful submission, one they can transfer to other authorities, and eventually to the Lordship of Christ. Our American culture, which promotes unashamed independence and denounces any form of submission as weakness, is a real detriment that I want to help my children to overcome. I want them to learn the satisfaction of self-control, the strength that comes in making yourself weak, and the beauty and virtue that comes in elevating their Lord and others above themselves.
· Rules – at my kids’ age I have the advantage of being able to explain the ground rules to them in advance. Puppies and young children have to learn by experimenting, but my kids have no excuses. We clearly explain to them the rules, what’s expected of them, and what the consequences are. We have found that explaining the rules carefully to them beforehand, as well as the consequences of breaking them, means there is very little arguing when they later choose to break them. We have set disciplines for each successive correction throughout the day, escalating a combination of losing privileges along with timeouts and sentence writing. I believe this is a Biblical model, allowing us later to introduce concepts of Old Testament Law, how it reveals our sin when we choose to knowingly break God’s rules, and how grace can be shown when punishment is deserved but not received.
· Swift and Decisive Discipline – it’s been interesting to me how conflicted I feel handing down discipline to my kids, much more so than to my puppies. I’m not sure ‘it hurts me as much as much as it hurts them’, but it does hurt knowing I will be making them sad or disappointed to lose a privilege they enjoy. For instance, in response to a conscious misbehavior, I still default to telling them to stop repeatedly, never quite wanting to escalate it and hand down the true punishment that will disappoint them, or worse – affect me. But I have also seen that a swift, severe consequence really has a positive impact on their behavior next time. In the end the behavior is corrected much sooner than when we only mildly address the problem.

We often explain to our kids that they are not the only ones having to learn these lessons through discipline. We let them know that we too are in submission to our Father, and are trying to learn to follow His rules and desires for our lives. We too can be disciplined when we fail to do so. We talk about why we want them to learn these lessons now, when the stakes are low and a lifetime of stubbornness and habits do not yet need to be overcome. And we talk about why God and we discipline our children in love, so that as His childen we would be able to lead holy and productive lives, as written in Hebrews 12:6-11:


6 the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Next week's author: Melanie Robbins

Celebrating Friendship

Authors: Sue Jones and Lynn Winters
Lynn Winters and Sue Jones have been best friends for over 20 years. Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one brand new baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church will soon complete their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993. Lynn Winters lives in Benicia, CA with her husband Roger and has two grown children so four adult children and three grandchildren. children and has also been involved in children’s ministry through Pioneer Clubs and AWANA Ministry. She also has a love for children and most recently had both her grandchildren in AWANA with her which was such a wonderful journey for all of them. Both Lynn and Sue would have to say that becoming a grandparent has been life changing and such an awesome reward from our Heavenly Father! They both look forward to how much they still have the opportunity to impact the children around us.

Answered prayer is the reason why we, Lynn Winters and Sue Jones, have spent the last 22 years as the “best of friends“. We were both young moms with young children in a new community. We both were praying for a good friend and God saw to it that we became more than friends; we became sisters and soul supporters. We both agree that the most awesome part of our friendship is that our children continue to be the “best of friends.” With the recent birth of Sue’s granddaughter, Preslie Grace (6/19/09), we are now praying that our grandchildren will grow to become the “best of friends”. If so privileged by God, that would make three generations of an amazing friendship.

The legacy of our friendship and our children’s friendship is based on a very simple but powerful premise: praying Scripture. After God answered our initial prayer for a good friend, we committed to pray for one another and our children specific scriptural passages. We prayed for every area of their lives that we could think of and we recorded those scriptural prayers in journals and marked them in our bibles. As our knowledge of God’s Word deepened, the arena of prayer for our children increased. What a source of encouragement it is to look back through our journals and bibles and see God’s grace in answering those prayers.

Supplementing our prayer times, we resolved to spend time together as families. Exceeding our initial prayer request for God to bring a good friend into our lives, God orchestrated our families becoming friends. This resulted in our desire to spend time together which we did through eating together, playing together, countless sleepovers , birthday’s and holidays and vacationing together. All that brought us personal joy as moms and friends and contributed to us ministering together in the children’s ministry in our church.

Our children seldom bickered with one another but when they did, it became another opportunity for us to teach and train them about how God would want them to respond in that situation and the need to rely upon Him. One of our deepest desires was for them to understand how important friendships are to God so that they would love and care for their friends much like we cared for and loved one another.
We did see that kind of love demonstrated early on in their friendships. We continue to see that kind of deep lasting love in their friendships to this day. Each of our children stood up for one another on one of the most important days of their lives; their wedding day. They have all shared in some special way in the birth of four grand-children (with hopefully more of those to come). They continue to talk/email and visit with one another as often as they can even though they are separated by as many as two thousand miles.

Our friendship is unique to us and not all of it has been wonderful. We have experienced our share of hurts and disappointments yet in the midst of those times God gave us exactly what we needed in each other. He gave the words when words were needed and a quiet spirit when listening ears were what was needed. He continues to supply us with His grace and mercy in our ongoing journey together. We have discovered, and now rejoice in the truth, that we serve a personal God who takes an interest in ordinary people.

We would encourage each of you to pray for a legacy of good friendships and for friends that would spur you on toward love and good deeds.
(John 15:12) My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends

Next week's author: Tyler Robbins