Teaching Generosity

Author: Jennifer Patchin

Jennifer Patchin has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is 16, Blake is 9, Isabel is 7 and Micah is 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.

My husband just finished a 6 part sermon series on “Generosity, stewarding from the heart”. What does it really mean to be a generous person? I know many have been impacted by this teaching and are striving to be a more generous people. For generosity is not based on our circumstances or financial status. It is a debt of love and sacrifice of your heart. But, how do we teach our children to be generous?
We have to model generosity. Our children will not automatically be generous and they are not going to learn it in the world.
1 Timothy 6:18 says, “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” Now this is Paul telling Timothy how to instruct other believers but we can apply this to our children too, especially if they are followers of Jesus.
We need to start with putting Jesus First!
By looking to the life and example of Jesus we see what it truly means to be generous.
2 Corinthians 8:9 “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.” Jesus gave up his position in heaven to come to earth and live in a human body with all its weakness and temptation so that he could live a life of perfect example and then sacrifice that life on a cross. Jesus came to give us life! He gives us full and abundant life here on earth if we follow his ways and he gives us eternal life in heaven, separated from death. Jesus is the essence of generosity.

Talk to you children about who Jesus is and how he lived. Do we live like Jesus and do we encourage our children to truly live like Jesus. Are we spending time with Jesus and do our children see it. Do they know it because we share with them what Jesus is teaching us or saying to us. Are we being transformed from being in the presence of our Savior that our children recognize him in us? As parents we are living examples to our children of who Jesus is.

If we truly believe Jesus if first then we will put others next with our actions. Romans 13:8 “Let no debt remain outstanding , except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.” Do we model for our children hearts that are others focused? Do we look for opportunity to do good for others and are we willing to be sacrificial with our time or do we only serve or help or give when we can squeeze it in. I have learned that in both loving Jesus and loving others I have to be intentional. I need to have a plan to live generously and I need to schedule it in to my life. I need to make my kids apart of that plan so that I am modeling for them what generosity looks like.

There are 3 areas the Bible tells us that we are to steward generously: time, money and talents. We need to identify these God-given talents and teach our children to use them to bring glory to God and to love others.

Time: We live in a culture that is very busy and we keep our children very busy. When our business does not allow any time to put others first we may need to reevaluate the schedule. Make time to do something for someone else as a family. You could make cookies for a neighbor or a meal for someone who is ill. You could visit someone who is lonely or shut in. Plan extra time at the grocery store or while you are running errands so you can listen to someone who wants to talk or put the cart back or help carry the groceries for someone else. Encourage your children when they are at school or on the ball field or in dance class to look for someone who is sad or left out or new and share some of their time with that person. One thing that helped our family is that at the dinner table we started asking, “What did you do today to show the love of Jesus?” This encouraged us to be purposeful each day and to look for opportunity to do good and be generous with our time.

Money: The Bible teaches us the principle of tithing and first fruit giving. This is a good place to start training your children with stewarding their money. But generous giving is above and beyond this. I realize many children do not have a lot of financial resources, however you can train them with what they do have. Lay out 50 pennies and show your child what a 10% tithe would look like. Then have your child show you what they think a generous giver would look like. Talking to our children about how much we have and how little so many people around the world have has helped us teach this principle to our own children. When they realize that most of the world makes less than $1 a day and that many children never know what it feels like to have their stomachs satisfied or never have a toy or a pair of shoes they start to have a heart for giving. We read as a family almost every morning about a different country and what the greatest needs are there. We pray for that country and for Jesus to be known. As my children see the great need and poverty throughout our world they become less focused on their own material or monetary desires.

Talents: Each child is unique and designed by God with God-given talents. Helping our children identify their abilities and talents at a young age will help them see and use them for God’s glory. Help your child to see that whatever they are good at is a gift from God and that they are only good at that because God allows it. We need to give God credit and use our talents to serve him and others. The younger our children are the harder it may be to identify their God-given talents. Encourage good character and point out their strengths and good choices in order to help them identify their talents. I have one child who is especially merciful. He is very aware of others hurt and tries to help, comfort or fix the problem. We identified this early and encourage him in this God-given ability. When he is showing mercy he is showing the heart of God. We tell him he has the gift of mercy because we want him to understand he also has a responsibility to use that gift from God for God’s glory and to be generous with it.

I would love to hear your ideas of how you help teach your children to be generous. We can learn from each other to raise up an army of Jesus followers that can impact and change the world with generous hearts. Keep up the good work!

Next Week's Author: Sue Jones

Lasts

Author: Linda Wright

(Linda, an African American graduate of UCB Psychology Dept., spent seven years on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ. Linda is a married mother of three teens, a storyteller, a writer of unpublished children's books and a counselor with the second step social program for elementary schools).

How many days go by and we don’t realize that this was the last? Our child suddenly doesn’t have the same needs. Several days go by and then we realize - hey, he hasn’t slept with his blankey or drank from a bottle or cried for his binky Mommy and I’ll never Mommy and I’ll never! What’s going on!? I missed the last time he did that!
Do you remember the last day your child suckled at your breast? The last day you carried your growing son on your bent and aching back? The last time you felt your child give you a real tight hug that says “I luv you Mommy and I’ll never let you go”? The last time you styled your daughter’s soft and beautiful hair? The last blessing your daughter wanted you to give to her? The last time your child invited you to read a great book aloud before bed? How about the last time you woke in the night and heard the running footsteps of your son run faster than the “monsters” lurking in the dark places in the house and sighed as he dove into your bed and safely squeezed in between hubby and you? Or the last time your child listened with glistening eyes to your every word and believed every thing you said about God with no hard questions asked?
In Karen Kingsbury’s her children’s book, Let Me Hold You Longer and in her adult book, Rejoice, from the Redemption series, (page 209), Karen shared about celebrating our last days if only we knew they were last. “Would I have taken pictures…if I’d known they were the last? Would I have marked the moments… if I’d known they were the last? Would I have stretched the moments… if I’d known they were the last?...I wish I could’ve frozen time, to hold on to your lasts…”
We’ve had a lot of lasts in this house. Two teens and one living in a college dorm leave us with lasts coming fast. Time is precious and slipping away. I’ve found that writing in a journal, marking my children’s passage from one season to another, gives me some comfort. Putting videos onto DVD’s makes me feel like the past is present. Another comforting thought - knowing the distant future holds many possibilities for more first and last moments: Jobs, marriage and grand children. (Very far in the future I hope!). The most comforting thought is finding gratitude. Throughout the day, I find myself thanking God for little moments and beautiful thoughts.
During the fall, God gives us a glorious look at lasts. Trees turn beautiful colors and brilliant leaves fall to the ground. The sunlight that pours into the house at this time of year is like no other time. We look back to the long, hot days of summer and know that winter’s cold is coming.
What did God feel as he looked at His only Son and experienced Jesus’ last moments as a baby, a boy, a young man, a leader, a dying criminal suffering on the cross? Twice he thundered from the heavens, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased.” (Mt. 3:17 and 17:5). The first, God spoke at Jesus’ baptism and the second, during His transfiguration.
We know what Jesus felt during his last night as a natural man on earth. He wanted his last moments to be special. That night was filled with truth talks, servant leadership training, and the first communion for the disciples but the last for Jesus. His disciples didn’t believe this was their last night with their beloved Lord. After Jesus’ death and resurrection, the disciples were often overcome with the strangeness of Jesus appearing out of no where, knowing that he had died and now was alive, able to walk through locked doors, and eat real food.
Lasts are coming and have come. Seasons come and seasons go, never to return. Life is fragile. Most children grow up and move away. Life goes on. Death beats its drum. At some point, pre- determined by God, that drum beats the last moment for each person on earth. Some hear the drum beat earlier than others. With Jesus as our Lord and Savior, death can not hold us but living forever with Jesus will last. Eternity is the absolute last last. Living in eternity is the most glorious last. Celebrate lasts.

Next Week's Author: Jennifer Patchin

Trained to Think

Author: Wendy Clark

Wendy Clark has been married to her husband Roy for 23 years and has three daughters ages 16, 14, and 4. She homeschools her girls, teaches English at Napa Valley College, and is very involved in her church (Northgate Christian Fellowship) in Benicia, California. Visit her website: wendyclarkministries.com or email her: wendyclark@prodigy.net.

How do we know when to protect our kids and when to give them the tools to protect themselves? Obviously we need to do both, but when and how and where and at what age? Certainly we should protect our children from danger, from being mistreated or bullied; just as certainly, our children need to learn how to handle difficult and uncomfortable situations.

One mom has extended-family members who don’t share her religious beliefs and make that clear to this mom’s children. Should she protect them from these people? maybe and sometimes. On the other hand, her children will have to face people such as these their entire lives, and they will need skills that they should be learning now.

So stop and think: What do I want my children to do when faced with a situation like this one? Do I want them to avoid the situation completely (sometimes the answer is yes), or do I want them to manage the situation with strength and graciousness?

One way for us to teach our children how to handle difficult or uncomfortable situations is to talk to our children in advance about what to do. I come from a family that talked about most everything. There was seldom a time when I didn’t know my parents’ opinions or perspectives about how to handle a given situation.

For example, my mom is strongly opposed to séances, Ouija Boards, Tarot cards, and anything related to the Occult or contacting the dead. I know she is because when I was young, and an episode of “I Love Lucy” featured a pretend séance, my mom clearly communicated her disapproval and warned me to never play around with such things—not out of curiosity or just for fun or for any other reason. “There are some things,” she said, “that just aren’t worth trying.” That lesson carried over into many things for me, including smoking, drugs, drinking—all through my teen years, I reminded myself that there are some things that just aren’t worth trying.

Ironically, it was a Christian girl from a Christian school who went to church every Sunday and whose parents were leaders of our church and didn’t allow her to watch any TV shows about magic or witchcraft or related ideas, who tried to get a group of us girls to conduct a séance at an overnighter. Her mom might have had a similar perspective as my mom, but if so, she hadn’t communicated it clearly to her daughter, who seemed surprised that some of us thought it might not be a good idea. My mom had told me that if I were ever in that situation, I should suggest some other things to do and move things in a different direction, which is exactly what I did at the time.
My husband and I taught a high-school Sunday school class some years ago, and we were surprised by the number of church kids from church schools whose parents had never talked to them about problems and decisions that these kids were facing in their daily lives. Many of these kids saw their parents as unrealistic, uninvolved, and uninformed. They couldn’t imagine asking Mom or Dad what to do about the classmate’s parent who offered them alcohol or how to handle the student at school (yes, even a “Christian” school) who was making sexually-explicit remark or what to do when another student began spreading rumors about hem. They desperately needed guidance, but because their parents hadn’t cultivated open communication when their children were young, these kids now were detached from their parents when they needed them most.

Talk to your kids. Make sure that what you are passing on what you believe and value. Teach them how to think and use good judgment in making decisions. Teach them where to go for help and how to ask for help when they need it. Teach them when to stay and reason, and when to get out and get away. And start when they are young and are still looking up and listening to you.

Yes, they will still have to make their own decisions, and sometimes they will make poor choices, but don’t let those choices be because they didn’t have a time to think in advance about the right and wise thing to do. Don’t let those poor choices be because you never taught your children to stop and think and consider and choose. Protect your children when appropriate, and at the same time, work to give them the skills they will need to handle the difficult situations that they will most certainly face as they move into adulthood.

Next Week's Author: Linda Wright

It's All Yours God

Author: Jaime DeCarlo

Jaime is a proud mommy of several children, all who have come to her in ways she never would have imagined! Angela is her 23-year-old, married step-daughter, Shelly (17) and Kenneth Jr. (15) are her husband’s biological and her adopted children of 9 years, Emmalyn is her miracle baby of 8-months that was never supposed to be and Logan is her 18-month-old foster-baby that has come and gone for the past 14 months!

Having just put down (for the third time) our precious foster-baby tonight, I am on the verge of tears and questioning God once again. Why was he returned to dysfunctional parents almost a year ago and then given back to us after 8 months? Why doesn’t the judge in our county understand how stable and secure he is in our home? Why did he just have an extended visit with his biological parents and come home so traumatized that he screamed himself to sleep in my arms tonight after we had finally gotten him into a great routine of going to sleep with little-to-no crying in the same room as our baby daughter?

Eleven months ago I was driving this same sweet foster baby boy, Logan, back to his birth parents “for good” and playing on the radio was Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “It’s All Yours God.” That song helped me tremendously at the time, as this was the second foster baby boy in a row that we thought we’d be able to adopt and suddenly the tables turned on us. I constantly remind myself that all our kid’s are really God’s no matter how they come to us or for how long!
Shortly after that, we had our own baby (the miracle baby that we never thought we could have) and soon after she turned 6-months -old, we got a call from social services. Logan was back in “the system” and did we want to take him in again? Shocked and thrilled, we said “yes” instantly and he was back to us within 3 hours! That was almost two months ago and now we are awaiting a trial that could either leave him here or send him back into his former scary, dysfunctional lifestyle, and it’s harder than I could have ever imagined.

I must constantly remind myself of the fact that Logan is in God’s hands before the social workers, judges, lawyers, etc. This precious boy has flourished in our home under routine, consistency, love and joy in the past two months, but we may have to lift up our hands and let him go once again. Without God, this would be an impossible task, but thankfully, I know that it’s all His and I really have no control over what happens to any of my children whether they come to me by marriage, birth, adoption, or fostering!

I just encourage you, no matter what their ages or what trouble they may be giving you, to cherish your children every moment of every day and always remember that they are all God’s and He is free to give and take away as he sees fit. Find joy in today with your children!

Next Week's Author: Wendy Clark