Do my actions speak louder than my words?

Author: Jennifer Patchin Jennifer has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is 16, Blake is 10, Isabel is 7 and Micah is 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.



My husband and I recently went on a date to the movies. As we were standing in line for our tickets there was a young couple with a baby in front of us. The man had on
a bright red ball cap that said in big letters I LOVE JESUS. I was encouraged by his bold statement and his shared love for our Savior. They ordered their tickets for a different movie than us and went in.

After we had been seated for a few minutes in the theatre this same couple came in and sat right in front of us. I was a little surprised as I had heard them purchase tickets for a different film. As the evening went on, this couple seemed to be oblivious to the fact that anyone else was in the theatre. They let the baby cry and covered the stroller with a blanket as to pretend we couldn’t hear her. They got up several times going in and out of the theatre. Each time, the man with the I LOVE JESUS cap, would stand up he would put his big puffy jacket on or off which would block both my husbands and mine view for a few seconds. I don’t even remember what movie we saw that night. But I remember this scenario all too well. I was thankful that we were the ones out of the dozen other people in the theatre that were sitting behind them and were most impacted by their behavior. Mostly, I was embarrassed that their actions did not reflect the message that the man wore so boldly on his head. As the lights came up and we exited the theatre I saw that this family had left a huge mess all around where they were sitting. This was one more thing that added to the problem that their actions did not reflect their words.

So as I left a little frustrated with the fact that Jesus’ name was shamed, God quickly brought my thoughts to my own actions. How often do I say boldly to my family that I LOVE JESUS? We talk about Jesus and the Bible and God’s will in our home all the time. I pray with my kids and we do family devotions and service projects. My children hear me talk about Jesus and following his way every day. I boldly wear the imaginary red cap. Yet they also hear me raise my voice and speak harshly. They hear me get easily irritated and show impatience. They hear me speak disrespectfully to their dad. They see me not be as gracious or tender hearted with others as Jesus would have me to be.

Do my actions speak louder than my words?

Do I say one thing but do another?

Do I live like others are watching, namely my children?

Do I put others before myself or are others blinded by my self focus?

Do I just try to cover up my short comings or sin and hope that it will go away, like the crying baby?

Do I leave a trail of destruction behind me with my careless words or lack of concern and respect for others?

Am I distraction for my children that they so clearly see me that they are not seeing Jesus clearly in me?

How about you? You can test yourself too. Think about the red cap upon your head as you go throughout your day. Do your actions match the message you proclaim. If not, don’t take off the hat, change your behavior. That starts with spending time with the only one who can change you from the inside out. As you daily fall in love with Jesus he will help you overcome those things that keep you from living fully for him. Then your outward action will declare what your heart desires to proclaim.

Next week's author: Sue Jones

A Guilty Mom

Author: Linda Wright
(Linda is an African American woman and a graduate of UCB Psychology Department. She spent 7 years on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ. She is the wife of one husband and mother of 3 teenagers, one son and two daughters. Linda is a storyteller, writer of unpublished children's books and a guidance aid for children with the Second Step program for elementary schools.)
What do you do when you’ve blown it as a mom? When guilt and shame tightly wraps around your trembling shoulders like a damp blanket of fog and creeps into the depth of your soul? It’s hard to shake it off. You feel tried, judged, and condemned by everyone but most deeply by self. I’ve been there. It hurts.
I should have realized something was wrong. How did I miss it? I already had two children ages three and five. At her two month check- up, my baby weighed less than at her birth weight of 6 pounds, 10 ounces. Now the doctor said she was 5 pounds and 10 ounces. How did a pound ease off her tiny body on my watch?
“Why I brought her in two weeks ago,” I protested. “The nurse practitioner said she was 8 pounds and 3 ounces. It’s impossible for her to drop from 8 pounds to 5 in two weeks! On that appointment, I had pointed out the hollows in her cheeks and chest and asked why her ribs clearly showed and the nurse practitioner said she looked perfectly fine to her.”
The Pediatrician quietly asked the nurse to bring in a bottle. I felt as if I was going to faint. As we talked the pediatrician gave my baby a bottle with 2 ounces of formula in it. It seemed she drank it empty in 2 seconds flat.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Wright, somehow the nurse practitioner made a big mistake. I think we got to your baby in time. Feed her 2 ounces every 2 hours around the clock. If you went home and pumped your milk you’ll get very little. Come back every two days for her weight to be checked.
I was devastated. I felt personally attacked in the core of my being – the very center of my womanhood and my ability to care for an infant. I burned with guilt and shame. Yet deep down inside of me I still wanted to nurse. I talked to the Pediatrician and to lactation consultants. I had heard that women, who never had been pregnant, can develop a limited milk supply for their adopted infants by using a rented hospital pump every 2 hours for a month.
Encouraged with this information, and armed with determination, I rented a hospital pump and used a supplemental nursing system (SNS) and formula to feed her. (Actually, the hospital paid for everything because it was one of their employees who weighed her wrong.) The doctor’s words were true. I had less than a teaspoon of milk after that first session with the pump. How could she survive on so little?
A SNS was a strange looking device that Moms hang around their neck and fill with formula or mother’s milk. Two tiny tubes taped to the breasts helps the baby nurse and keeps a steady flow of milk dripping into the corner of the baby’s mouth. It helps the infant stay interested in nursing at the same time making it simple to feed.
I loved and I hated that SNS. After three long days and nights, I was able to slow down the frequency of feedings, especially at night. My milk supply returned to normal after two weeks of pumping, but it took until she was 6 months old before she nursed without the SNS. I continued to use the pump because her sucking wasn’t strong enough to keep up my milk supply. It was a lot of work but it was so worth it. Every three hours, from 6 am to 9 pm, I pumped my milk. At night, it was the bottle. Thank God for bottles. Those feedings only took five minutes. Nursing took a good 20 minutes with that little girl.
My husband was a great encouragement to me. He never blamed me or acted like it was my problem. We were in this together. He took great care of our other two children. By this time our oldest was in kindergarten.
Daily, I meditated on verses in the Bible that talked about nursing. They became dear to my heart. Isaiah 66: 7-14 was my favorite, especially verse 11 – “That you may nurse and be satisfied with her comforting breasts, that you may suck and be delighted with her bountiful bosom.”
It did come to pass. At six months of age, my baby was able to nurse without the help of the SNS and bottles. She thrived and grew. She had academic problems from kindergarten through second grade that might have been due to her loss of weight and nutrition, but with help from the school’s resource center, good teachers, tutoring from Kumon Learning Center, and a well researched nutritional supplement, her academic achievements began to blossom in third grade. She also struggled with allergy problems and painful ears on airplanes. Even though she was hungry when she lost weight she was also happy. We called her the “happy to starve child”.
One La Leche League lactation consultant gave me a possible answer to our problem. Once she had one client with 6 children. Her first three nursed right after birth, but the rest had problems. After the fourth one had trouble nursing, she brought her SNS to the hospital for the last two births and used the hospital pump and the SNS for four months. She knew her last two babies would need the SNS right after birth. Her first three children had stretched her nipples until they were too large for newborns to latch onto. I received great comfort from this information.
Now I have compassion and real empathy for women who feel they have blown it with caring for their child. I understand their real feelings of remorse and pain. I am able to talk to them about overcoming their icky feelings. Jesus’ blood, shed on the cross, covers all our guilt and shame. He sets us free! In Romans 8: 1, I read “therefore there is now no condemnation for (Linda) who is in Christ Jesus.” It’s as if He said “I don’t condemn you, don’t condemn yourself. I have a purpose in all of this.”
Three and a half years later, I unpacked the SNS to let a friend borrow it. Her baby had an ear infection and didn’t want to nurse. But the SNS made nursing easy for screaming son. At age 3, my toddler saw me with it and said “that helped me get Nana.” She hadn’t seen it since she was 6 months old!
The following is a poem I wrote about my three children. Nana was our private nursing term.
Who Do I Nurse Next?
Here’s Emmanuel
After five days he latches on
It’s Nana time!

Here’s Kenya
Two to nurse as if they were twins
It’s Tandem Nursing Time!

Here’s Emmanuel
He is much older now
It’s weaning time!

Here’s Baby number three soon to be
Mama is too sore
Wow! Kenya understands!

Here’s Mama - free
Not one clinging to me
It’s no Nana time!

Here’s Karis
She can’t nurse,
It’s training time!

Here’s lost weight
A missing pound
Shame and guilt came sneaking around.

Here’s SNS, lactation consultants,
Tubes, tape and hospital pumps for
Four long months

Here’s weight gain
She nurses on her own!
Once again, it’s Nana time

Here comes Cookie Monster,
Dolls, Beanie babies and many more.
Karis declares “They must have Nana first!”

Here is one lucky Mom
Who learned to nurse and wean
One, two, three, and all!

Next Week's Author: Jennifer Patchin

Making Memories

Author: Wendy Clark
Wendy and her husband have been married for 24 years and are the parents of three girls, ages 16, 14, and 5. As a family, they are learning together what it means to love and serve God and are making memories together in the San Francisco Bay Area.

In December my husband and I took our two teenage daughters to see Steller Kart (a Christian band) on their “Punk the Halls” tour. They were offering VIP tickets with a t-shirt for only $10 more than the not-so-VIP tickets, so we decided to go for the deal. Along with the free t-shirt we got to meet with the band before the concert, ask questions, take pictures, and “hang out.” There were only about 8-10 VIP’s, so we felt like V-VIP’s.
Not surprisingly, those fans age 16 and under asked different questions than those few of us over 16. The younger fans asked questions like, “How did you decide to follow your dream?” The older attendees asked questions like, “How long have you been on the road?” and, “When’s the last time you got to take a shower?” The answer to that last question was “three days,” which prompted a greasy-hair demonstration.
We had a great time with our daughters, and we did something very important—we made memories. And it didn’t cost us much. The tickets were pretty inexpensive, we had burgers for dinner, and we had to drive a bit to get there—all pretty cheap for something we are not likely to forget.
What memories are you making with your kids?
Memories don’t have to be expensive, but they do require something from you—time. If you find that you are too busy to spend some time just having fun with your kids, then you are too busy.
So . . . take a day to go and play in the snow. Ride bikes. Make a picnic lunch and head out for a drive and a hike. Have a movie night, eat popcorn, and watch something together. Play board games. Take a drive out to the beach. Explore an unfamiliar town. Try something new.
Plan. Be creative. Make it a priority to have fun together.
And make memories.

Next Week's Author: Linda Wright

Too Much Stuff

Author: Jaime DeCarlo
Jaime is a proud mommy of several children, all who have come to her in ways she never would have imagined! Angela is her 23-year-old, married step-daughter, Shelly (17) and Kenneth Jr. (15) are her husband’s biological and her adopted children of 9 years, Emmalyn is her miracle baby of 1 year that was never supposed to be and Logan is her almost 2 year old foster-baby that has come and gone for the past 20 months!


As I am reminded of my turn to write for PPP, I regretfully realize I have forgotten another thing to do! “What is wrong with my mind?, I ask myself, feeling foolish!
I am typically a very organized person who is usually on time and honors commitments, but lately it’s been crazy around here! As I look at my “clutter table”, that’s been called so since Christmas, push around piles of magazines and unread ads and sort through hundreds of baby toys all over the house all day, I begin to realize part of the problem: we have TOO MUCH STUFF!

Lately I have noticed that the more family members, the more stuff you accumulate. Makes sense, but also makes for so much more to do each day and can easily become very overwhelming! I have been trying to have my teenagers go through all their closets and drawers more lately and it’s just amazing to see what comes out of their rooms! My son just cleaned out his toy box and he is sixteen years old! He had old shoes, soda cans, notebooks, candy, etc., unbelievable right, until I take inventory of my quite large walk-in closet where there is also old clothes, candy, and things like tape recorders, come on!!!

So, while my post may not seem extremely Biblical or parent-related, here’s how I see it. First of all, as Christians, we all know that we can’t take any of this stuff with us when we are gone, so having too much or being too tied to old stuff for sentimentality is really useless for the most part. Secondly, if I had less stuff to sort though, organize and clean, I would have more time to play with my babies and listen to my teenagers.

I am trying to give things away at every opportunity: to the library, Cancer Society, Good Will, Salvation Army, coat drives, even canned food drives! It feels so good to give and I never really miss it or wish I had it back! Also I am reminding myself that it’s not a sin to throw away that broken VCR or those worn out shoes from college sitting in the back of the closet. It feels good to get organized and frees me up to be a better, more patient mommy as well!

Next week's author: Wendy Clark