We had the privilege of celebrating our oldest daughters 18th birthday last month. Wow how time flies! I have reflected on the last 18 years many times over the last few months as we have watched Victoria graduate high school, start college, become a legal adult and turn into a wonderful, godly woman before our eyes. She truly is a delight to my husband and I and it is such a blessing to be able to see our child become an adult who has a personal and intimate walk with the Lord Jesus and truly desires to do his will.
“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Something I have realized is that much of the temperament, personality, strengths and interests that we saw in that little girl are still the same today. Granted we have seen much growth in skill, talents, abilities, social adaption, maturity and her spiritual life. However the strengths she had as a young girl to be an outgoing lover of people, a helper, an independent learner, orderly and sensitive are still strengths today. These strengths along with her interests, talents and God-given gifts have helped shape and give direction to God’s purposes and plans for her life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Throughout her teenage years as she has dreamed of whom she will become and what she will do we have tried to listen and encourage her dreams. But we have also gently reminded her of the uniqueness that we see in her, God’s design and thumbprint on her life. I am thankful to say that she now sees that too. She will tell you that she sees how God has molded and shaped her for what she believes is his plan and direction for her life now.
We also see that her weakness as a child is still a weakness today. I don’t say this to discourage you in any way. There have been countless times that I have been discouraged in my parenting feeling like I am addressing the same thing over and over without results. I can feel defeated and helpless. But I have to refocus. Victoria would tell you that her life long struggle with her emotions is still a weakness. She has had many victories and learned self-control and self-discipline but it is still a weakness. “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4 I believe we all have a weakness, an area that we are more tempted to sin. I believe that God wants to use our weaknesses for his glory. “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
However, when our weakness turns to sin it needs to be dealt with. I know that I tend to struggle with the same sins on a daily basis and have for many years. I look at the example of the Israelites wandering through the desert and the same foolishness they repeat over and over again. Yet God forgives them and restores them. He does the same for me every day by his grace and mercy he covers over my sin and forgives me and restores me to right relationship with him. We are to do the same with our children. We should not be surprised when their weakness leads to sin but we forgive, restore and show grace.
So what I want to pass on to you is what I wish I had known 18 years ago.
*Prayerfully discern your child’s natural strengths and weaknesses. (This is evident in the first couple years and continues to develop as they get older)
*Encourage your child’s strengths and remind them that these are God-given abilities that are for his glory and purpose in your child’s life.
*Foster your child’s strengths, interests and abilities and help them discern God’s calling on their life.
*Address your child’s weakness an opportunity to be reliant on God. (Often our child’s weakness is not a sin but an area of struggle, ex. Academics)
*Often the most growth in our children will happen because of difficulty, trial or weakness.
*When weakness turns to sin deal with it in a godly way, reaching their heart and bringing repentance and restoration.
*If it is sin do not dismiss it as a weakness. (Example: “Oh, he is just tired; don’t pay attention to his tantrum.”)
*Be consistent in addressing this weakness even if it is a lifelong pursuit.
*Pray for your children to see God’s shaping in their lives at a young age and to be obedient to whatever His will is for them.
Next week’s Author: Linda Wright
I wish I had known this 11 years ago. Such great wisdom and truths. I so appreciate those who have gone before sharing what they have learned and what they wish they knew and/or have learned! Thank you, Jennifer, for this wonderful article! Victoria, truly is a wonderful, godly woman!
Thank you for your investment in my daughter. You are a wonderful example to her as well.
You are very welcome! It is an honor and privilege!
‘Address your child’s weakness as an opportunity to rely on God.’ Oh – I have seen this in my own life so many, many times. How often I lean on Him in my many weaknesses. This is something we parents should take advantage of more often with sin and weakness – pointing our children to the Lord. Thank you for sharing your experiences, insights and discernment with your daughter!
Jennifer, I can relate so well to this post, not only because our eldest daughters are the same age, but because of a testimony mine recently gave (written for a college class). She referenced a struggle she’d had for years, which peaked a little over a year ago. In the paper, she described how she had to learn to rely on God and His Word, and had grown closer to Him in the past year than she had all the years prior since receiving Christ. I was aware of all of this, but to have her acknowledge it in written form was such a blessing to me. My little girl, now grown up, has learned to recognize her weaknesses, give them to the Lord, and rely on Him. What a relief and blessing to this mama!
Thank you all for your input. I truly believe that in all of our lives it is the challenges that will lead us to a deeper understanding of who God is and how we desperately need him. When things come easy to our children and everything goes well it is sometimes hard to see our need for the Lord. In weakness we are able to see our lack of self sufficientcy and need for the Lord’s intervention.
One of the biggest blessings in my children’s life has been their handicap brother. Micah has taught them more about the value of life, priorities, God’s soveriegnty and provision and their own weakness and sin than they could of ever learned without him. At very young ages they are learning things that many don’t learn in a lifetime of ease.
Kim, thank you for sharing your daughter’s story. I know that it is true in my own life that I have grown the most in my reltionship with the Lord through difficulty. We never want to see our children suffer but if they can learn at a young age that deep need and reliance on the Lord it will bear fruit their whole life. What a priveledge it is to watch our children have intimacy with their Savior.
Victoria is such a beautiful and sweet young woman. I have been so privileged to serve with her and to see her grow into such a godly woman. I can only hope that my beautiful daughters follow in her footsteps! I too have marveled at how God has created our children as such unique creatures and how their personalities, strengths, and weaknesses are truly formed in the womb. As I am able to look back on Isabelle and her temperment, I can see her ‘uniqueness’ from the first day she was born. God has truly crafted them to His glory. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Susan for your kind words about Victoria. Thank you too for your example and encouragement of her. I agree that they are born unique. Kelly, my husband, would always say when I was pregnant with one of our children that we need to pray for their temperment because there is no changing that. We can work on character and personality is developed but they are born with temperment.
Jennifer:
I so appreciate this insightful and wise piece. Your line “There have been countless times that I have been discouraged in my parenting feeling like I am addressing the same thing over and over without results. I can feel defeated and helpless. But I have to refocus.” rings so true. My kids are all still under 7 and I still struggle with this already! (In fact I posted about this very thing here).
I find the bullets at the end to be particularly helpful. The difference between “weakness” and “sin” is a good one to note and process through the ways that both should be identified and addressed (differently). Remembering that we are sanctified through our weaknesses and drawn closer to Christ through them – we as moms and our children as well – is so critical to healthy growth in our spiritual lives!