Last month, I relayed one of the thoughts that came to mind as I sat in an all-day training course for Odyssey of the Mind, an organization that encourages students to develop creative thinking by tackling an open-ended problem. This is the second of my learnings.
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)
THE COMPETITION IS NOT THE GOAL. TRANSFORMATION IS. After the lunch break for our training, we broke up by problem – there are five different problems that kids could tackle, ranging from designing a vehicle that will navigate a course and display emotions, to a drama called “Odyssey Angels.” My group of guys had chosen to tackle the problem of building a structure out of tiny pieces of balsa wood ( the entire structure must weigh less than two nickels!), so I went to the fairly large group of people whose groups were tackling the same problem, and the instructor began to go into detail about how we encourage our students to tackle the problem.
One of the problems that invariably arises in every competition is the number of projects that were clearly NOT done by the students themselves. And when the judges ask, “Hey, who made this?”, the answer is often, “Well, my dad did.” Numerous groups show up every year with projects designed, constructed, and conceived by parents, not students. The instructor, lamenting this fact, then said this. “The goal of this organization is not to win a competition. It is to become a certain kind of person.” This kind of thing goes against the spirit of the organization, because their goal is not to get kids to win a competition; it is to get them to think for themselves.
I think that we who desire to see our children grow into mature disciples of Jesus would do well to heed this lesson: when we emphasize performing over becoming, we trade long-term growth for short-term success. We live in a culture that equates performance with identity and worth: meeting goals, winning comptetitions, earning acclaim, beating out others to be the best. You don’t have to look far (the sidelines of a elementary-age soccer league game, or the stands of a little league baseball game) to see that we as adults are sending this message, whether we realize it or not: winning is what matters. I fight against this tendency in my youth ministry: I could (and often do) fall into thinking that if I could just get a bunch of kids here, and get them to jump through my behavioral hoops, then I will be “winning.” Unfortunately, what research is showing is that youth ministries are being very “successful” in that regard, yet are failing in what really matters: making lifelong disciples. Kids are performing, but they’re not becoming.
I think that this is the question that we need to ask ourselves – is our focusing is growing our children performing or becoming? If we fall into the trap of emphasizing “the hoops”: a good GPA, a bunch of extracurriculars, a nice obedient exterior, perfect youth group attendance, we nurture a worldview in our children that prizes competition over transformation, prioritizes making adults happy over becoming the person God intends them to be. The accolades of competition do not last; transformation does. We need to ask ourselves this question: are my short-terms goals for my kids crippling them for a life of adult discipleship? Is their time so filled with performance that formation is taking a back seat? We gravitate toward short-term goals because they make us feel effective in the moment, and in truth (at least for me) they satisfy our own need to feel validated and effective. But the fruit that lasts is the fruit that takes the longest to grow; if this is the fruit that we hope and pray will be borne in the lives of our children, we must take the long view first, and allow our daily nurturing by informed by vision of them walking out a life with God for the long haul. Which view will we choose? Only we can answer that question.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
- What messages am I sending with the way I urge my child to spend their time: am I emphasizing performance or formation?
- Are my short-term goals for my child informed by the “long view” of a lifetime walking with God, or do they spring from my own insecurities, misconceptions, or fears?
- What can change practically this week in my interactions with my children to put the priority on formation, not performance?
Loved reading your thought-provoking article. It’s so good for us to take time as parents to reflect on what we are emphasizing/prioritizing as parents. Thanks for the challenge to think about whether or not we’re choosing performance or formation! Appreciate your wisdom, Max!
Great wisdom Max. I so agree and want transformation in my kids first and foremost. That they would love Jesus with all their hearts and be transformed into his image. Yet after a day of struggling with math and finding myself emphasizing performance to the point of tears I realize I have some work to do to make sure that my words and actions match up. Thanks brother for the encouragement and challenge.
Excellent, Max. I encounter so many Christian adults who don’t understand that the Christian life is about surrendering to God, cooperating with God, and allowing him to transform our lives. They would prefer to think that it’s about memorizing a certain number of verses or attending church services or accomplishing a certain number of tasks.
Your article made me stop and think about how these attitudes are imbedded in our culture–that as a culture, we elevate the achievement or the product over the process and the growth that occurs in the process. What a great point that as parents we need to raise our children to grasp the idea of what it means to be disciple. In doing so, we will often find ourselves acting counter to our culture.
Wow! Most thought provoking and digs down to the heart of the matter. Heart issues – both for parent and child. I appreciate this so much because, yes, the best fruit takes the longest to grow. And aren’t we, as adults, impatient? I know I surely can be. And thank you for your questions to ponder. I am pondering this week!