Author: Scott Turansky
Summary
Some children have the ability to suck the energy right out of family life. These children are demanding of your time, need a lot of correction, and seem to be magnets for conflict. They’re often emotionally explosive but almost always drain energy out of parents and other family members. The solution is to teach your children about honor. Honor contains the
idea of doing more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it, and solving problems instead of leaving them for others. In this article we’ll show you how to teach it to your kids in fun ways.
Article Content
Some children have the ability to suck the energy right out of family life. These children are demanding of your time, need a lot of correction, and seem to be magnets for conflict. They’re often emotionally explosive but almost always drain energy out of parents and other family members. Unfortunately then, these children develop a negative view of
themselves based on the high amount of negative feedback they receive.
One solution is to teach them to add energy back into family life. The term “honor” describes the process of thinking of others above yourself. Honor is important in a family. God commands honor to be practiced at home. Ephesians 6:2-3 says, “ ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ “ Those verses teach that honor learned at home has ramifications for life. In fact, we would say that God has hidden within honor the secret ingredients people need to be successful.
Honor has rich meaning for parents and children. It can give direction in many of the frustrating moments you experience. In fact, every form of selfishness has an honor-based solution.
Honor means to treat people as special, do more than what’s expected, and have a good attitude. Feel free to use this definition or make up your own. The point is that honor changes the way that parents relate to their children, the way children relate to each other, and the way children relate to their parents. Obedience gets the job done, but honor addresses the way people relate in that process.
If Jack gets people riled up each afternoon before dinner, set an appointment with him at 4:00 pm for several days in a row and ask him to look for three things he can do to add to family life. He may decorate the dinner table, encourage his brother, or prepare something nice for Dad’s arrival home.
If Jack continually antagonizes his sister, you might tell him that he needs to think of three honoring things to do for her before he’s free to play. Remember, don’t tell him exactly what he needs to do. If you decide what Jack needs to do and tell him to do it, that’s obedience. When Jack chooses, that’s honor. Honor treats people as special and does more than what’s
expected. Jack needs to learn how to add energy to family life instead of taking it away.
Honor requires initiative by adding something extra or doing something that needs to be done. Many children wait for others to tell them to do something. Furthermore, it’s hard to teach kids to take initiative because the very act of telling them seems to take the initiative away. That’s why you may require your child to do something but not tell him what to do. You want to help him to start seeing a need or solving a problem for himself.
Honor also contains the idea of doing more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it, and solving problems instead of leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Honor means that everyone contributes to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, and then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
People tend to take for granted those they’re closest to. It was Jesus who said, “Only in their own towns, among their relatives and in their own homes is a prophet without honor.” (Mark 6:4) The family can be a place where people take each other for granted. Learning honor is just the solution kids need. Hidden within honor are the secret ingredients that make
people more productive in relationships.
You’re already honoring your kids in a number of ways although you might not be using the term. Now you might say to your daughter, “I went shopping today and I bought your favorite ice cream. I just wanted to honor you.” Then later you can use the same word to describe how you’d like your daughter to treat you with a better attitude when you give her an
instruction.
One way parents can teach children honor is to include it in the instruction process. You might say to your child, “I’d like you to obey me by setting the table, then I want you to think of something extra to do to surprise me. That’s showing honor. You choose; it’s up to you. Report to me when you’re done and I’ll check your work.”
You can use the concept of honor in correction or when things are going well. You can use it when you teach your children about money, time, and other resources and you can teach it when conflict comes around. One way to teach honor is on special occasions when someone wins a contest or earns a certificate. You may show honor by giving that person a fancy place at the table or by decorating his or her bedroom door.
Honor is fun. It’s like oil in a machine. It gets work done with less friction and less heat. Every family needs honor. It’s great when things are going well and essential when family relationships are strained. Work on it whether your kids are preschoolers or teens. It’ll change the way your family relates.
Next Week’s Author: Jaime DeCarlo
“Honor is fun” – I like how you show us parents that Biblical honor is indeed fun with all these practical answers. And to “work on it whether your kids are preschoolers or teens” – we all need constant doses of honor no matter what age we are. I have a cross-stitched and framed version of your sign – If it’s broken, fix it. My husband and I will talk more about it with our age range of children. Thank your for the wisdom you share.
I, too, so appreciate your wisdom! I love the concept of honor and believe it can truly impact families! We will be reviewing the concept as well.
I love specific encouragement. Thank you for the examples you provide that give parents concrete ideas as to what to say and how to implement these valuable lessons with their children. “Honor” is a great word to have in our family’s vocabulary. Thank you.
Great reminders of practicing honor. We have been trying to implement some of these ideas since your last encouragement. Encouraging kids to look for ways to show honor really empowers them to be a blessing and desire it.
The concept of honor is much overlooked. I appreciated this post, bringing it back to the fore. Thank you.