Posts by jeaninecook:
A Load Lightened
February 22nd, 2012
Author: Jeanine Cook
What a privilege parenting is! How thankful I am to be a mother of three and soon to be four as we look forward to the adoption of an older child through the foster care system. In my parenting I find that a constant struggle for me personally is what I am and am not involved in activity wise. As you may find yourself, I currently am juggling many things and absolutely all of them are worthwhile, good, biblical tasks. Whether it be caring for my children or my home, working part-time or ministry, I am involved in many noble activities.
So, here is the rub. A week ago one of my daughters was in need of my help with school work. I sat next to her trying to study a book that I was considering for our next ladies study at church. Internally, I found myself irritated with her interruptions. I really needed to be responsible and was behind with the deadline I gave myself for making this decision on a book. I did not make it difficult on others by deferring this task any longer. The Spirit quickly prompted me that I was distracted from my first obligation to Him. My child. I am the only mother of this precious girl. No one else is tasked with her care other than her father and I.
I was doing something of great value by studying this book. I didn’t have the right priority at that time. That was clearly confirmed by the look on her face and the apology from her for “bothering” me. She was not angry nor frustrated just saddened that I was not carrying this load with her.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you REST. Take MY yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and
you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
The example My Heavenly Father has set for me is one who is always available. Nothing keeps His eye off of me!
And when I am doing His work in His strength and in His timing, He gives me the will and the desire to do what He has for me. Phil 2:12-13; Ephesians 2:10.
I chose that night to put down the book and help my girl with her burden. She was lightened of a load and delighted in my focus on her and her needs. That’s what my Dear Lord does
for me!
There will always be great opportunities to work for the Lord clothed in many different forms and all will be good….not all are mine. I prayerfully chose to take off my to do list some items that I had given priority that the Lord did not. They were all good but not all mine. This is not for the purpose of spending the time on my pleasures but to have time built in to even communicate with the Lord throughout my day and to focus on Him and His purposes for me; for resting in Him.
In her book “Becoming a Woman of Simplicity”, Cynthia Heald shares some quotes on the matter. “They travel light whom God’s grace carries.”, Thomas Kemp. “The key to knowing what I should be doing is my being yoked to Christ. It is in walking daily with Him that I can hear His voice. The question is whether or not I will listen to what He is asking me to do or not to do.”, Cynthia Heald. Lastly, she quotes from the book, “Tyranny of the Urgent”, “The need itself is not the call; the call must come from the God who knows our limitations….It is not God who loads us until we crack or bend……These come from our inner compulsions coupled with the pressures of circumstances.”.
So here my focus lies, “This is your line of service- to see that there is nothing between Jesus and yourself.”, Oswald Chambers.
Next Week’s Author: Wendy Clark
When Friends Are Few
October 19th, 2011
Author: Jeanine Cook
At any age, a lack of friendship can be a painful thing. When it is our own children who suffer through such times, it can be gut wrenching. Let’s face it, we are biased when it comes to our children. Even when we are truthful with ourselves about their shortcomings, we still cannot help but feel like they are worthy of anyone’s admiration or accolades. We can’t help but let their weaknesses be overshadowed by our deep affection for them. That is how God planned it. It was a picture of how He is able to love us in spite of ourselves.
I currently find myself in such a predicament. One of my beautiful children is facing a season of real loneliness. There is interaction at school and on the sports team, but no real friend to call up and make plans with. I ache inside. I look at them with pride for who they are and how they respond to those around them. I enjoy their sense of humor, their perspective on things, their ability to be flexible with all that life throws their way. In my eyes, they are the most considerate, easy going, fun to be around individual I know.
As I pray for this precious child of mine, I plead with the Lord for just one good Christian friend. I then find myself facing the realization that in my own life, my lonliest times here on earth rushed me to the feet of the One who knows what rejection feels like. Christ set the pattern for us when the world doesn’t understand us. He ran to the Father, knowing that He alone could speak to the pain this earthly life lavished on Him. We too can find refuge in His presence.
I was encouraged by the way the Lord met Hagar in her hour of need in Genesis 16. Hagar had been so mistreated by her mistress Sarai that she had met her breaking point and ran away. As the Lord so lovingly does, He spoke to Hagar in the midst of her pain. The angel of the Lord He sent to her spoke her name and asked where she had come from and where was she going. She was given the opportunity to share what her troubles were even though the angel surely knew. She was given the tough instruction to return to the one mistreating her but with the encouragement that her offspring would be so plentiful that they could not be numbered.
It was during this encounter that she addresses the Lord as “El Roi,” the God who sees. She declares that He is a God who sees AND cares for her. She was met in her distress with the Lord’s care. Her suffering had not gone unnoticed. What comfort that gives me. In actuality, if the Lord’s intention is to draw my child closer to Himself, than I welcome the earthly lonliness knowing that God can use it for good, as Joseph declared to his brothers. It is so very true as Psalms 34:18 declares, ” The Lord is near to the brokenhearted”. If I could choose just one friend for my child, it would be Jesus. I pray now that this painful season in my child’s life would serve its kingdom purposes. They are in good company, literally.
Next Week’s Author: Rick Mease
SUMMER PLANS
June 8th, 2011
As the summer quickly approaches and end of the school year invitations for various events canvas my calendar I am reminded of the struggle it is to make wise decisions concerning my kids activities and playdates.
I am finding myself feeling pressured to allow my kids to do certain things that in and of themselves seem benign. The trouble is that often I am dealing with the option of entrusting my children to adults I know little about or to activities without many careful or clear boundries. Or, as is often the case, I say lots of yes’s to little things that quickly take over my life like termites.
If I don’t feel peace about an invition whether it is a birthday party, a swim party, an opportunity for my child to join another family on a day trip, etc., I am careful to consult. As stewards of three precious children, I am always praying and discussing plans with my husband before I answer. Even if it is a commitment that seems reasonable, it is our decision as parents to decide what is best for our kids and our schedule, our sanity.
If the Spirit doesn’t give you peace, please don’t feel like you have to say yes for fear of offending or that you have to have a really good reason why your kid can’t participate. You don’t have to even give them a reason other than we’re sorry that my child won’t be able to attend. Trust me, it isn’t the first time they have ever been turned down.
I also encourage you this summer to put on the calendar family time. Even if you are going to have a pajama day and just play games together and watch a movie, put it on the calendar to protect it. No one else is going to look out for your time together if you don’t. Make your kids aware of the family plans. That way they can tell their friends no at the onset. Schedule time to cook a new recipe together or have an “Iron Chef” night where only the kids do the cooking ( if age appropriate).
Don’t feel the pressure to do expensive things or take a vacation that will hurt the pocket book. Plan something together letting the kids know the budget ahead of time so that they can participate and learn some budgeting at the same time. You will find that they are more willing than you thought to give up something you thought was an essential part of the plan in their minds. If time permits, start a jar for savings. Ask each member to come up with some way they can contribute i.e. lemonade stand (parent supervised), collecting recyclables from willing neighbors and friends, listing something on Craig’s List or having a garage sale (if you put up clear signs you will do well even if you didn’t have time to list it in the paper).
The goal is to make memories this summer not just get busy with lots of “yes’s”. The goal is to align yourself with God’s plan for your summer. The result will be a peaceful and restful summer. Galations 1:10 reminds me of whose opinion I am to be concerned with when it comes to making commitments and plans, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” I also need to check my own heart to be sure I am not just planning things according to my own preferences. “And whatever you do in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Colossians 3:17. These two key life verses will help guide you and bless you in every aspect of life should you put them into practice.
Wishing you a memory-making summer,
Jeanine
Next Week’s Post: Wendy Clark
Your Family Creed/Motto/Code
March 9th, 2011
Author: Jeanine Cook
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 18 yrs. They have three children Dylan 15, Jericho 10 and Gentry 9. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!
I was reminded today when talking with a friend whose beautiful girls are young and full of lots of fabulous ideas and desires, that a family creed is a great way to establish and reign in certain behaviors. For our family there were certain ideals and standards of behavior that we found to be of high priority in our lives. The motivator was always about what would be glorifying to the Lord and character building. We had certain characteristics that we wanted to focus on that would serve our children well and encompass lots of encounters/opportunities they would have to respond to. It works like this. One simple standard is that we as Cook’s think perseverance is important. So one of our Motto’s is “Cook’s don’t give up.” As my toddlers would have a tendency to be easily defeated and not finish well, I could encourage them, “Son, I know that making your bed can be hard, but were Cook’s and we don’t give up. You need to keep trying and do a good job. Here, let me show you how momma pulls her sheets when they get so tangled.” Or “ …..Here let momma get this sheet untangled for you so you can start again.” It helps the child stay calm and feel encouraged to know that there is a way that is right and we can strive to attain to it. It also raises their level of confidence and helps them feel like they can contribute to the community that is our family and have purpose. It is also a great way for them to learn to manage themselves and their environment.
Another important rule in our family is that you do not cry or fuss over what you cannot change. When my 4 year old does not get to choose her naptime or play time or what it is that the Lord has provided for lunch I would calmly say, “ Daughter, you are a Cook. Cook’s don’t lay on the floor and cry about things they can’t change. You need to get up and go do what you were asked to do….ie nap, clean up toys, sit at the table to eat…etc.” Later when they have heard and understand your creeds you will no longer need to state the whole sentence. There will be times when you can simply say, “ Beauty, you are Cook.” You will find that will be enough and you will find that eventually they will begin to regulate themselves and you will see less and less of that undesired behavior and more and more of a desirous behavior.
I have a dear friend with children who are 10 or more yrs older than my kids. I was first introduced to this idea from her when she warmly sent her children out the door to a friend’s house or to school. She would remind them, “ Remember, you are ‘Smith’ and you are Christ’s. Represent well.” I often ask my kids as they are now beyond the toddler yrs to ask themselves if they are representing Christ well.“ Did you make the Lord look good in front of your non-believing (or believing) friends when you were willing to treat your sister so unkindly?” When the answer is, “no”. I further ask them to tell me what their friends might think about Christians or Christianity based on what they had modeled as their friends looked on. I have even at times, even recently, told my children that because they were not representing Christ well in their behavior towards one another that they would not be having friends over until they could better represent the Lord and our family. Please understand that the motivation is not what other people think but the reputation of our Lord. Gal 1:10; Matt. 5:16 “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven”. We are concerned about God’s glory because we want to behave in such a way that people are drawn to Him for we want many to be saved.”
Now that we have children in middle school and high school, we find that appealing to the Cook’s and the Lord’s good name and standards is still an important tool we use to train our children. When a child wants to be able to be involved in an activity that we are not comfortable with and they are frustrated that other kids get to go we can say, “That is totally fine for Mrs Jones to let her daughter go to that movie but we are Cook’s and our family doesn’t agree with what that movie approves. “ or “ We don’t think that watching that movie would bless the Lord. He can’t join us in that.” We am careful not to be critical of the other families. Our focus is on what our commitment to Christ dictates. We want my children to know that the focus for us isn’t on what others choose to do but on what WE will choose to do regardless of others behaviors. I want them to have an audience of one. We want them to be solely concerned with what blesses the Lord. He is always a blessing to us. We want to bless Him in return. It is perfectly fine if there isn’t another family on the face of the earth that won’t let there children attend sleepovers under the age 11……because we are Cook’s . The focus is on how we do things.
On occasion when I have had to share with another parent that our child won’t be participating, I am very careful to allow them the freedom to make the decisions they feel are best for their kids. I do not expect them or pressure another parent to do for their children what we prayerfully choose for our kids. It looks different for every family. That is why it is a huge trap to take what someone else does, simply because they do it and apply it to your family. We absolutely have to go to the Lord and ask what He has for our family. If we were all supposed to do it the same way, we wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit to guides us in such things. There is no bible verse about sleepovers, vaccinations, curfews etc.. We must seek the scriptures for a principle that may apply and seek the Lord in prayer for His perfect leading as to what is best for our children.
While reading Colossians this morning, I was struck by how much good advice there is in there for holy living. You may find that a good starting point as you begin to search the scriptures and pray about what should make up your family creed/motto. Let the Spirit guide you and know that doing so will teach and remind you of what you yourself need to appeal to as well.
Next Week’s Author: Sue Jones
FAITHFULNESS/OBEDIENCE IS SUCCESSFULNESS
October 14th, 2010
Author: Jeanine Cook Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 18 yrs. They have three children Dylan 15, Jericho 10 and Gentry 9. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!
I have recently had the privilege of studying the book of Isaiah and have been reminded of some simple truths. The first is that success looks differently in our minds than it does in the mind of God. Consider Isaiah who for 60 yrs prophesied to the people pleading with them to turn from their wicked ways and to turn to God. Unfortunately , they did not respond in obedience. They instead had to be punished to the point that only a remnant of God’s people remained. So, the big lingering question is, was Isaiah unsuccessful? If the major majority of the people rebelled and even mocked God, was Isaiah simply not an effective communicator? I ask the same questions concerning Noah who preached for 40 yrs without one convert to faith in the Lord. My pastor preached earlier this year that today’s missions committee would have fired Noah while deeming him unsuccessful as a missionary. Were these men successful? Absolutely! Why would anyone consider them successful? I know why God considers them successful. They were successful because they were obedient to what God asked of them. God gave them a specific task and they were faithful to do what was asked of them. Whether or not the people listened AND obeyed was not humanly possibly for these two men to accomplish. There are tasks God gives man, but it is the Spirit of God who can reach a man’s heart. You and I are only responsible for what God is asking US to do. In that place we will find success, faithful obedience.
The second truth I am reminded of in this study is, being told no or having to tell someone no, is good for us and for others. Would it be a benefit to us if God told us yes to everything we would like. The people in Isaiah’s day were successful in mans eyes. They had lots of wordly pleasures and comforts. Unfortunately, their possessions and pleasures became their downfall. They no longer viewed these privileges as blessings from the hand of God. Now that they had so much they enjoyed, they were no longer in touch with their need and indebtedness to God. They embraced the cheap substitute of possessions and pleasures and in turn rejected the One who is the giver all good gifts.
So what does any of this have to do with parenting and the Christian life? I need to remember in my parenting that my job is to clearly and lovingly instruct my children in the path they should travel. If they choose to disobey and I have to exercise discipline, am I an unsuccessful parent? Do I expect that my children have to be told once and that we shouldn’t have to keep addressing the same issue? I see in the bible that repeating God’s laws was necessary. I need to expect that my children are going to sin but I don’t have to accept it. I need to continue to address it with biblical instruction, calm, clear speech and with clear biblical consequences. I also need to be prayerful. God may give me different approaches should a particular child continue to be rebellious in an area. I need to be prayerful in the moment to know what and how to say what my child needs to hear. I need to pray to understand exactly where their heart is and what the root issue really is (pride, selfishness, lack of self control, etc). But I am not deemed unsuccessful in God’s eyes if I am being obedient to what He tells me in His word (general revelation) and in prayer (specific revelation) to do concerning my children.
I, my child, my unsaved friends need to understand that this life is like walking a minefield. It is actually good to hear the Lord tell us no. If I am about to move two steps to the left in a new direction or rush forward in the same direction I have been taking and I am approaching a hidden land mine, do I, do we, do our children want the Lord to stop me/us and tell us to stop immediately and head in a new direction? Or are we really set in our ways, our self will and want to do what we feel like doing only to suffer debilitating or life threatening injuries that will forever affect our lives? It is for our children’s protection that we tell them no. It is for our protection that the Lord tells us no.
Lastly, I am not an unsuccessful mother, friend, sibling or co-worker if I warn and instruct in love, God’s words and laws and the other person does not listen. I cannot make them obey. That is the work of the Spirit. My work, my success comes in the form of faithful obedience……even when God tells me no and asks me to stop in my tracks.
Proverbs 3:1-12 More eloquently describes the beauty and benefit of faithfulness and obedience to God, relying on His perspective not our own. Verses 5-8 say:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be a healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” I urge you to read the whole Proverb as well as the book of proverbs as it is filled with special instructions for us parents.
Next week’s author: Wendy Clark
The Truth about Forgiveness and Our Emotions
July 14th, 2010
Author: Jeanine Cook Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 18 yrs. They have three children Dylan 15, Jericho 10 and Gentry 9. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!
Recently, when one of my daughters and I were running an errand together, she began to become very upset, seemingly without reason. I quickly asked what was wrong and she said she had an “icky” feeling. With great concern I asked her why she was feeling so badly. She said that she had done something in the past that was sinful and that she was just reminded of it. As we talked about it more, she explained that she had asked God to forgive her for it, but she hadn’t confessed it to me and so she was still feeling awful about it. I told her that I forgave her too. I also let her know how very pleased I was that she had first asked the Lord for forgiveness, that that was most important but that I understood that the process wasn’t finished until she asked for my forgiveness because she had sinned against me. I told her I was happy to forgive her. I also expressed how pleased I was that she came to me with this. As I looked at her little face, I could tell her countenance had not changed. She was still feeling badly about what she had done.
It was a privilege to share with my little beauty the truth about forgiveness, conviction, guilt, the Spirit, and the enemy. I spoke intently and lovingly to her as I explained that the reason I could forgive her is because God has forgiven me and continues to forgive me over and over and over again. Colossians 3:13: “bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Because of God’s forgiveness, grace and mercy, I become so thankful that I too want to forgive her and others when they have sinned against me. Jesus further warns us, should we struggle to forgive, in Luke 6:37&38 that if we do forgive then we will be forgiven and blessed in the same measure. I wanted to encourage her that the Spirit was working on her behalf, to be thankful that she finally had the courage to speak to me about her sin.
We talked about the fact that the Spirit’s job is to convict us of our sin, John 16:8, so that we can repent and be right with God. I asked her this question, If she had said sorry to God and He had forgiven her, 1John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” , AND she had come to me and asked forgiveness as Colossians talked about and yet she STILL felt badly, who would want her to feel that way? Satan. If it was the Spirit’s job to convict her of sin so that she may turn and repent, it only stood to reason that her “icky” feeling/guilt was from her enemy. I wanted her to know that her God did not want her feeling guilt or shame over a sin He had paid for and forgiven. Her sins in God’s mind were as far as the east is from the west, Psalms 103:12. If He wasn’t dwelling on them, she didn’t need to either. My concern for her was that Satan not have a grip on her by making her feel badly when God had washed her white. I don’t want my little girl feeling heavy hearted and badly about herself, nor does Her heavenly Father who loves her even more than I do. If she did continue to feel guilt and shame, Satan could leave her feeling so much despair that she would be led into more sin.
The bottom line for all of us is that the Spirit is for us and Satan is against us. The Spirit convicts us and Satan shames us/guilt’s us. The New Testament constantly reminds us to look forward not back, pressing on in the Spirit. The only time we are encouraged in scripture to look back is for two purposes. First, to look back and recount God’s favor, protection, provision, to praise His mighty works and secondly to deal with forgiveness issues, to either forgive or to ask for forgiveness whichever the Spirit reveals. I believe that probably a majority of ALL of US deal with forgiveness issues. It is Satan’s playground so much of the time. It causes me to love God even more knowing that He doesn’t want me to feel guilt or shame over what He has forgiven and covered in grace. We should no longer be in bondage to sins of the past that have been biblically dealt with. We don’t even have to think about them. If we find we are, then who put them in our mind? And who can take them out of our minds? So much of our battles are lost and won in our minds. So ask the Lord when tormented by past sins to help you set your mind on what it true and lovely, Phil 4:8. You will find that Satan will continue to try to bombard you and you may say that prayer and then immediately be reminded again. Pray again and again and let your mind be entrusted over and over again to the Lord. He can renew your mind and bless you with comfort, grace and peace.
Next week’s Author: Wendy Clark
A Mother’s Hopes and Dreams for Her Children
April 6th, 2010
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 17 yrs. They have three children Dylan 14, Jericho 9 ½ and Gentry 8. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!
Recently, I was discussing with a friend my hopes and dreams for my children. I was telling her that I did not care whether or not they worked in the corporate world, were a blue collar worker, learned a trade or earned a four year degree, not even a minister or a full time missionary. I only have one desire. My ONLY desire for them is that they love the Lord and pursue Him passionately. If that is in place, I can trust that they are in the center of God’s will and in His tender care whether they work in a gas station or the pulpit, the executive’s office or the coffee shop. My husband and I are always solely concerned with their character not their credentials. Granted we are proud of their achievements. We enjoy seeing glowing report cards or soccer trophies. We are happy to see them excel at some talent, but our enjoyment of them and our hopes for them rest solidly in who they are not what they can accomplish.
My greatest concern for my children is that they are obedient to the Lord. Placing themselves wholly under the authority of the Lord and there by placing themselves under His care and His wisdom and protection. This is the perfect place to entrust my children. In Luke 9:23 Jesus, “said to ALL , “If anyone would come after Me, let him DENY HIMSELF and take up his cross DAILY and FOLLOW ME.” I don’t want them just to give part of themselves. The scriptures say to deny ourselves and to do so day after day after day. We don’t just give Jesus one or two areas of our lives, we give it ALL to Him. We trust Him with our relationships, the manner in which we spend our money, our time, our talents, and our careers. Can I or my children really call Him Lord if we haven’t made Him Lord of our entire life? Who is really in charge if Jesus has fewer areas of their lives to manage? And if Jesus is not in position of Lord of their life, where will that take them? If I or my children submit themselves wholly to the Lord, where will that take us? Luke goes on to say in 9:24 amp; 25, “For whoever would save his life (lives a self – centered life instead of God – centered) will lose it, but whoever loses his life (lives a God-centered life) for my sake will save it (eternally, eternal life) vs 25 For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”. Eternal life, that is my hope and my dream for my children. That is my heart’s prayer. That is the most advantageous place for my children to be. That is where I should be, we all should be.
Was Jesus only in the temple preaching? Did Jesus only witness and minister to those in the upper class, the corporate world where one finds financial security? The lower class where one physically labors and struggles to make ends meet? In Colossians 3 we are instructed to put off the old self and replace it with the new self . Verse 17 of the same chapter says, “WHATEVER YOU DO, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through Him.”. Wherever God places my children, they are called to live for God and to share His gospel. Wherever God calls my children is their mission field. If my children obey His call and have entrusted themselves to Him, they are safe, eternally safe. Who doesn’t want safety for their children, eternal safety for their children. This is the only hope or dream I have for my children, that they do everything in the name of the Lord in every area of their lives.
John 21:30 “ Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book;31-but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God and that by believing you may have life in His name.”
Next week’s Author: Kim Ashbaugh
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Parent on Patrol
September 23rd, 2009
Author: Jeanine Cook
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 17 yrs. They have three children Dylan 14, Jericho 9 ½ and Gentry 8. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!
I was recently reminded of how terribly concerned I would be any time one of my children began to struggle in an area of behavior. I was quick to panic and become concerned that if, for instance, they were struggling with lying that they would always be a liar or if they were being short tempered that they were always going to struggle with anger. Worry would spur on these thoughts to the point of sure anxiety and fretfulness. It took the encouragement of the Spirit and some older moms to talk me down off the roof top. I needed to focus on my role in their struggles , not become consumed by their sin itself and where it might take them if unchecked.
My first job is to consider my Helper, the Lord, and what is possible in His strength Phillipians 4:13, “ I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me”. Secondly, I needed to be honest with myself and my child. I was to call their sin , sin and meet it with appropriate attitude, consequence and with a heart of restoration. My role is not that dissimilar to that of a police officer. When he or she begins their work day they are fully aware of the fact that they are going to encounter individuals throughout the day that are breaking the law. The officers job is to pull that individual over and discuss the matter. The first question is, “Do you know what you were doing that was wrong?”. The offender is given the opportunity to respond. The officer makes clear what the infraction was and then calmly (hopefully) issues the consequence. The offender signs the ticket acknowledging the conversation and receives the consequence, hopefully without arguing. If there is arguing , that is addressed as well. The point is that it is the officers job to stop the offender, state the rules again (make sure your rules are clear as well as consequences before the infraction) , and issue a consequence. We are to be calm and to be clear and to be consistent.
Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son while there is still hope.”. We need to be willing to stop what we are doing and to show love to our children by disciplining them, “God disciplines those whom He loves.”Hebrews 12:6. Verse 10 of the same chapter goes on to say that He disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. Proverbs 6:20-23 Make it very clear that a son is to bind the teachings and commandments of a mother and father on their heart,” When you walk about they will guide you; when you sleep they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is a light ;And reproofs for discipline are the way of life.” Love your child by disciplining and training them in righteousness.
It is important that we be careful how we speak. Proverbs 16: 21 says, “ sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” Use your words carefully and don’t shame them. You want to implore them to avoid sin, that requires gracious, firm speech. If our words are harsh they are more likely to now be aware of your sin and their hurt feelings than of their own sin.
Don’t be surprised if you revisit areas of behavior that you thought they had over come. We too have relapses. Don’t dismiss it either. Simply address their sin consistently. Be careful not to exasperate them. We need to work an area or two at a time, not every area of sin at once. That is not how God works with us. But when He does show us something we are to respond in obedience. I even encourage you to pray that the Lord reveals your child’s sin to you so that it can be addressed now rather than later when they are more entrenched by their sin.
When my children were younger, when they got up in the morning we would discuss what area we we’re going to work on. For example, “Hey Dylan,I am so glad to see you this morning!! Hey Buddy, today we are going to work on having a great attitude when mom asks you to do something , okay. You’re going to look at me when I talk to you and when I am done telling you what you need to do, you are going to say Yes mom with a happy heart okay?.” Sometimes we would even practice a few times before we started our day. We would pray for God’s help and then get on with the day.
The key in parenting is and will always be dependence on the Holy Spirit to know what to address, how to address it and to follow through with the consequences in a godly fashion not in anger or without self control. Be encouraged. God is our strength and He can guide us through all that we will encounter with our children. Be sure to show your children in the scriptures verses that apply to their sin and give them a verse addressing what righteous act they are to replace their sinful act with ie lying/honesty, anger/patience and self control,etc.. God is good to tell us not just what to stop doing but also what good things to replace the sin with.
Don’t be surprised by your children’s sin. Like the officer know it is a going to happen and be consistent in addressing it calmly, clearly with a predetermined, previously discussed consequence. Start your day with a prayer that you can be the parent to your children that He is to you!
Next week’s Author: Kim Ashbaugh
Confessions of a Codependent
June 24th, 2009
Author: Jeanine Cook
Jeanine Cook has been happily married to her husband Jeremy for 17 yrs. They have three children Dylan 14, Jericho 9 ½ and Gentry 8. They live in Concord, CA and minister at Concord Bible Church where Jeremy has the privilege of serving as Senior Pastor while Jeanine serves on the women’s ministry team. She is a seamstress by trade but her greatest joy is being a child of God, a mother and a wife!
I am terribly co-dependent. Daily, from moment to moment, I am painfully aware of my inability to parent or discern a matter without the Spirit’s leading. I fail time and time again when I go with my gut or my perceptions. Even with 14+ yrs of parenting under my belt, I find myself misreading, misunderstanding and missing the mark when it comes to parenting my three beauties. Left to myself, I am prone to harsh responses, heavy handed judgments and incorrectly assessing heart intentions.
When faced with my shortcomings, I am swiftly brought to my knees as I face the ugly truth that I am a train wreck without my Lord’s wisdom and grace. I become speechless as I am now clearly exposed for who I am…who I am, what I am capable of WITHOUT the Spirit’s help. Now, on my knees, I am equipped to see, hear, and understand from the Lord the truth of the situation. More often than not He shows me that I didn’t ask enough questions before I spoke, even if I was an eye witness. I am reminded of the time I scolded my son for rudely changing the channel his sister was watching without asking her first only to have him reply, “But Mom, there was an inappropriate commercial showing!” . Or the time countless times I have judged heart intentions only to find that my child had done what was asked of them or that they weren’t the problem, they were solving the problem. Had I asked questions of them before assessing the situation I would have not erroneously disciplined them. If I had spoken to the Lord first I would have been reminded by Him to get the facts first.
I now find myself pleading with the Lord to save my children from me and to grace them with Him. I beg Him not to leave me to myself but to help me understand and be teachable, to extend grace and mercy. I am called to discipline, teach and train my children Proverbs 3, Proverbs19:18, Deuteronomy 11:18&19. At the same time I am reminded in Proverbs 3:5 to be teachable my-self, not to rely on my own understanding, but in all my ways to acknowledge the Lord. I need to talk things through with the Lord even in the moment. Verses 13-26 speak of the immeasurable value of wisdom. I need the Lord’s wisdom daily to be successful in every area of my life. Proverbs 16:21 says that “sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”. I want desperately for my children to be persuaded by my words to do as the Lord tells us to. It is for His glory and for their benefit if they do! Lastly, God wants me to obey too! Hebrews 11:10 “He disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
I could easily become discouraged in my parenting if I focus on my faults and past failures. I need to do as Peter did and look at Jesus and what He can do, not look at the rough waters I am in. If my eyes are on the Father, my head is above the water. The Lord reminds me in Hebrews 13:20&21 that it is the Lord who “equips us” to do His will. He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. We all need to be co-dependent…… on Him.
Next Week’s Author: Kim Ashbaugh
