Posts by jenniferpatchin:
- Your child’s conscience responding more quickly to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
- Your child becoming more conscious of God throughout the day.
- Your child learning to rely on the truth of Scripture and the joy and peace of Christ helping to overcome the mental struggles of everyday life.
- Your child learning to pray and asking God when a decision needs to be made.
- Your child beginning to understand how to learn from the experiences and difficulties of life.
Strengths vs. Weaknesses: Both Needed for Maximum Growth
November 2nd, 2011
We had the privilege of celebrating our oldest daughters 18th birthday last month. Wow how time flies! I have reflected on the last 18 years many times over the last few months as we have watched Victoria graduate high school, start college, become a legal adult and turn into a wonderful, godly woman before our eyes. She truly is a delight to my husband and I and it is such a blessing to be able to see our child become an adult who has a personal and intimate walk with the Lord Jesus and truly desires to do his will.
“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Something I have realized is that much of the temperament, personality, strengths and interests that we saw in that little girl are still the same today. Granted we have seen much growth in skill, talents, abilities, social adaption, maturity and her spiritual life. However the strengths she had as a young girl to be an outgoing lover of people, a helper, an independent learner, orderly and sensitive are still strengths today. These strengths along with her interests, talents and God-given gifts have helped shape and give direction to God’s purposes and plans for her life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Throughout her teenage years as she has dreamed of whom she will become and what she will do we have tried to listen and encourage her dreams. But we have also gently reminded her of the uniqueness that we see in her, God’s design and thumbprint on her life. I am thankful to say that she now sees that too. She will tell you that she sees how God has molded and shaped her for what she believes is his plan and direction for her life now.
We also see that her weakness as a child is still a weakness today. I don’t say this to discourage you in any way. There have been countless times that I have been discouraged in my parenting feeling like I am addressing the same thing over and over without results. I can feel defeated and helpless. But I have to refocus. Victoria would tell you that her life long struggle with her emotions is still a weakness. She has had many victories and learned self-control and self-discipline but it is still a weakness. “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4 I believe we all have a weakness, an area that we are more tempted to sin. I believe that God wants to use our weaknesses for his glory. “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
However, when our weakness turns to sin it needs to be dealt with. I know that I tend to struggle with the same sins on a daily basis and have for many years. I look at the example of the Israelites wandering through the desert and the same foolishness they repeat over and over again. Yet God forgives them and restores them. He does the same for me every day by his grace and mercy he covers over my sin and forgives me and restores me to right relationship with him. We are to do the same with our children. We should not be surprised when their weakness leads to sin but we forgive, restore and show grace.
So what I want to pass on to you is what I wish I had known 18 years ago.
*Prayerfully discern your child’s natural strengths and weaknesses. (This is evident in the first couple years and continues to develop as they get older)
*Encourage your child’s strengths and remind them that these are God-given abilities that are for his glory and purpose in your child’s life.
*Foster your child’s strengths, interests and abilities and help them discern God’s calling on their life.
*Address your child’s weakness an opportunity to be reliant on God. (Often our child’s weakness is not a sin but an area of struggle, ex. Academics)
*Often the most growth in our children will happen because of difficulty, trial or weakness.
*When weakness turns to sin deal with it in a godly way, reaching their heart and bringing repentance and restoration.
*If it is sin do not dismiss it as a weakness. (Example: “Oh, he is just tired; don’t pay attention to his tantrum.”)
*Be consistent in addressing this weakness even if it is a lifelong pursuit.
*Pray for your children to see God’s shaping in their lives at a young age and to be obedient to whatever His will is for them.
Next week’s Author: Linda Wright
Learning to Think Like Jesus!
June 29th, 2011
How do we learn to think and use our minds the same way Jesus did? Three commands are given in the Scriptures for us to follow:
#1 The Will- Colossians 3:2 “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things”
This takes initiative on your part. When this is done you can override your instincts or feelings. We see this in the example of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. (Matthew 26:37-39 and Mark 14:36) He set His will to what God desired. Helping a child to say no, to not give in to impulses and to delay gratification are examples of strengthening the will.
#2 Transformation- Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
We are to conform into the image of the Son. Our change should be noticeable. It is not just doing the right things, but becoming the right sort of person. God’s word teaches us how to be transformed that is why it is so important to learn and understand scripture. The purpose of knowing Scripture is to become equipped for good works.
#3 Ready for Action- 1 Peter 1:13 “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, be self-controlled, set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
This means we are to strengthen our minds and put anything out of our minds that would hinder our Christian walk. We need to keep our minds on the alert, ready for action. As your child learns to have the thoughts of Christ and has a mind that is alive and single minded, you will notice:
Are you teaching your child to think like Jesus? What is the focus of his/her world?
Are you able to counteract the influence of this world and teach your child to be singular focused? It is all about Jesus!
Once we begin to think like Jesus then we can act like Jesus.
This is adapted from Raising Kids to Love Jesus, by Norman Wright and Gary Oliver
Next Week’s Author: Sue Jones
Tips for Obedience Training
February 17th, 2011
God gives 3 main instructions to our children: obey, honor and respect your parents.
Here are some things to instill while your children are young.
1. Teach your children to obey the first time without delay, without distraction and without complaint.
2. Have your children look you in the eyes when you are giving instruction. This way you know that they hear you and they hear clearly what you are saying.
3. Have them repeat back your instruction.
4. Keep tuned into mom and dad’s voice. Practice by sending them to another room and calling their name. The goal is that when they hear you call their name they will come right away. They think this is a fun game but you are training them in obedience.
5. Practice in moments of non conflict the behaviors your child needs to work on. For example if your child needs to work on staying at your side when you are in a store, practice at home by pretending you are in a store and have your child follow at your side while you put away laundry, cook dinner, ect.
6. When there is conflict among children, show them the right way to respond and then practice it the right way. When ever there is the opportunity to show your children the right response do it and then have them do it the right way. The younger they are you may have them do it multiple times.
7. Teach your children to ask forgiveness when they do something wrong. Teaching our children that when they do something wrong they are sinning points them to their need for the Savior. Teach them to say “ I was wrong when I __(took that out of your hand)__ that is __(selfish)____ will you forgive me?”
Reminders for Parents:
1. Praise your children in public and correct them in private.
2. Use soft words and kind actions when correcting your children.
3. When you are discouraged by the pattern of negative behavior in your children, remember our sin before the Lord and his grace and mercy to you each day.
4. Don’t forget to ask your children’s forgiveness when you sin against them or do not address their behavior they way that God wants you too.
5. See your children’s sin as an opportunity to train their hearts and not be discouraged. Thank God that their sin is exposed that you can help them.
6. Pray for wisdom to address behavior in such a way that will get to your child’s heart. Remember that behavior is just an outward sign that something in our heart is not right.
Next Week’s Author: Wendy Clark
To sin or not to sin, that the question? Giving a Biblical Reproof
November 3rd, 2010
Why is it that I am shocked when my children sin. I know they are born with a sin nature, I know that they are inherently sinners, yet I am often surprised by there choice to sin. When our children sin we should not view it as a hopeless tragedy or failure on our part as parents. We need to remember that it would be unnatural for our children not to sin because, after all, they are sinners.
Our job as parents is to train our children’s hearts. We need to address their sin as a heart issue and teach them and train them to overcome their sin with righteousness, or right behavior. The only true way to do this is with the Word of God. The Word of God is the tool to get to their hearts and will bring about the desired change.
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Isaiah 55:11
So is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
A reproof is verbally expressing to another person how they have violated God’s Word. We can only do that by using the Word of God. We can not use worldly wisdom, lecturing or ranting.
So first we need to know the Word of God. As parents we need to be spending time reading our Bibles and learning what God has to say about how we should live so we can impart that wisdom to our children. As parents we should use every opportunity to point our children to their need for Jesus.
2 Timothy 3:16
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
We need to approach our children’s behavior with a look at their heart and teach them what it looks like to put off evil desires and sin and to be filled with righteousness.
Ephesians 4:22-24
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
We need to teach our children what a biblical response looks like. Then we need to have them follow through by putting it on. Training our children to put off sin and put on righteousness is training them to respond biblically. We shouldn’t just tell our children what is right but we should have them practice the right behavior. If we only correct negative behavior but don’t train our children in right behavior we will exasperate them and not reach their hearts.
“Biblical Reproof involves correcting wrong behavior by practicing right behavior, with the right attitude, for the right reason, until the right behavior becomes a habit.”
I have recently read a book that has renewed these thoughts for me. “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” is full of practical ways to train and teach our children in righteousness. The author Ginger Plowman gives some great suggestions for Biblical Instruction and Reproof. In fact she has a pamphlet called “Wise Words for Moms” that cost $4. This gives a chart of negative behavior, heart probing questions, biblical reproof (“put off”) and encouragement (“put on”). This covers 22 of the behavioral and heart issues that we need to address with our children. If you have read Shepherding a Child’s Heart but struggle with the “how to” of shepherding than these resources will really help you.
Here is an example of one of the behaviors addressed on “Wise Words for Moms”. We deal with this in our home on a regular basis:
Behavior= Arguing or Complaining
Heart Probing Questions= Is your attitude showing thankfulness and contentment? Rather than complaining, what can you be thankful for in this situation?
Reproof (put off)= “Do everything without complaining and arguing” Philippians 2:14
Encouragement (put on)= Thankfulness. It is God’s will that you be thankful and joyful in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Here is a list of Biblical Virtues that my husband compiled that also may be help you teach with a biblical vocabulary and instruction.
Does Time Fly?
May 21st, 2010
Author: Jennifer Patchin
Jennifer has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is 16, Blake is 10, Isabel is 7 and Micah is 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.
I just celebrated by 40th birthday. This next week my husband and I will celebrate 18 years of marriage. It really is so hard to believe. I remember hearing my mom and others say when I was growing up, “Time is going by so fast,” “It seems like yesterday,” and “I can’t believe how fast you are growing up.” Now I find myself saying all these same things. I really do remember my wedding day and the birth of my 16 year-old like they were just a few years ago. Now I have 4 children. Time does seem like it is going faster, and I really don’t feel like I am as old as I really am. Maybe you can relate.
However, I am reminded that whatever time I have here on earth and however old I am is all so short in the light of eternity. So, what is 40 years when I am going to live forever? When I focus on an eternal perspective, I am motivated to live each day for the Lord. I want to please him, obey him, and love him with all my heart. I don’t want to be concerned by wrinkles or waistline or any other physical change. I don’t want to be distracted or detoured by the things of this world, from the things that have eternal value.
As I teach and train and shepherd my children, I am always trying to instill these same principles in them. I want them to follow after God with all their hearts and not be distracted by the many things of this world that vie for their attention and can often pull them away from a pursuit of the things of God. I see more now than ever how time goes quickly, especially as my oldest daughter is moving into adulthood. So I do not want to be lazy in my parenting but take every opportunity to teach, train, model, and love. I want my children to see with the eyes of Jesus as they walk through this life. I pray that their hearts will rejoice in the things that bring God glory, and I pray that their hearts will break with the things that break the heart of God. They are not too young or ever too old to live fully for Jesus.
Time does go by fast. Our children do grow up quickly. So treasure every moment. Take every opportunity to turn your children’s hearts to the Lord. Have fun. Create memories. Keep an eternal perspective. For, we are to prepare our children for a personal and intimate relationship with the Lord that will last eternity. Take the time my friends.
Next week’s post: Sue Jones
Comments Off
Do my actions speak louder than my words?
February 24th, 2010
Author: Jennifer Patchin
Jennifer has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is 16, Blake is 10, Isabel is 7 and Micah is 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.
My husband and I recently went on a date to the movies. As we were standing in line for our tickets there was a young couple with a baby in front of us. The man had on
a bright red ball cap that said in big letters I LOVE JESUS. I was encouraged by his bold statement and his shared love for our Savior. They ordered their tickets for a different movie than us and went in.
After we had been seated for a few minutes in the theatre this same couple came in and sat right in front of us. I was a little surprised as I had heard them purchase tickets for a different film. As the evening went on, this couple seemed to be oblivious to the fact that anyone else was in the theatre. They let the baby cry and covered the stroller with a blanket as to pretend we couldn’t hear her. They got up several times going in and out of the theatre. Each time, the man with the I LOVE JESUS cap, would stand up he would put his big puffy jacket on or off which would block both my husbands and mine view for a few seconds. I don’t even remember what movie we saw that night. But I remember this scenario all too well. I was thankful that we were the ones out of the dozen other people in the theatre that were sitting behind them and were most impacted by their behavior. Mostly, I was embarrassed that their actions did not reflect the message that the man wore so boldly on his head. As the lights came up and we exited the theatre I saw that this family had left a huge mess all around where they were sitting. This was one more thing that added to the problem that their actions did not reflect their words.
So as I left a little frustrated with the fact that Jesus’ name was shamed, God quickly brought my thoughts to my own actions. How often do I say boldly to my family that I LOVE JESUS? We talk about Jesus and the Bible and God’s will in our home all the time. I pray with my kids and we do family devotions and service projects. My children hear me talk about Jesus and following his way every day. I boldly wear the imaginary red cap. Yet they also hear me raise my voice and speak harshly. They hear me get easily irritated and show impatience. They hear me speak disrespectfully to their dad. They see me not be as gracious or tender hearted with others as Jesus would have me to be.
Do my actions speak louder than my words?
Do I say one thing but do another?
Do I live like others are watching, namely my children?
Do I put others before myself or are others blinded by my self focus?
Do I just try to cover up my short comings or sin and hope that it will go away, like the crying baby?
Do I leave a trail of destruction behind me with my careless words or lack of concern and respect for others?
Am I distraction for my children that they so clearly see me that they are not seeing Jesus clearly in me?
How about you? You can test yourself too. Think about the red cap upon your head as you go throughout your day. Do your actions match the message you proclaim. If not, don’t take off the hat, change your behavior. That starts with spending time with the only one who can change you from the inside out. As you daily fall in love with Jesus he will help you overcome those things that keep you from living fully for him. Then your outward action will declare what your heart desires to proclaim.
Next week’s author: Sue Jones
Teaching Generosity
October 28th, 2009
Jennifer Patchin has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is 16, Blake is 9, Isabel is 7 and Micah is 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.
We have to model generosity. Our children will not automatically be generous and they are not going to learn it in the world.
1 Timothy 6:18 says, “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” Now this is Paul telling Timothy how to instruct other believers but we can apply this to our children too, especially if they are followers of Jesus.
We need to start with putting Jesus First!
By looking to the life and example of Jesus we see what it truly means to be generous.
2 Corinthians 8:9 “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.” Jesus gave up his position in heaven to come to earth and live in a human body with all its weakness and temptation so that he could live a life of perfect example and then sacrifice that life on a cross. Jesus came to give us life! He gives us full and abundant life here on earth if we follow his ways and he gives us eternal life in heaven, separated from death. Jesus is the essence of generosity.
If we truly believe Jesus if first then we will put others next with our actions. Romans 13:8 “Let no debt remain outstanding , except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.” Do we model for our children hearts that are others focused? Do we look for opportunity to do good for others and are we willing to be sacrificial with our time or do we only serve or help or give when we can squeeze it in. I have learned that in both loving Jesus and loving others I have to be intentional. I need to have a plan to live generously and I need to schedule it in to my life. I need to make my kids apart of that plan so that I am modeling for them what generosity looks like.
There are 3 areas the Bible tells us that we are to steward generously: time, money and talents. We need to identify these God-given talents and teach our children to use them to bring glory to God and to love others.
Time: We live in a culture that is very busy and we keep our children very busy. When our business does not allow any time to put others first we may need to reevaluate the schedule. Make time to do something for someone else as a family. You could make cookies for a neighbor or a meal for someone who is ill. You could visit someone who is lonely or shut in. Plan extra time at the grocery store or while you are running errands so you can listen to someone who wants to talk or put the cart back or help carry the groceries for someone else. Encourage your children when they are at school or on the ball field or in dance class to look for someone who is sad or left out or new and share some of their time with that person. One thing that helped our family is that at the dinner table we started asking, “What did you do today to show the love of Jesus?” This encouraged us to be purposeful each day and to look for opportunity to do good and be generous with our time.
Money: The Bible teaches us the principle of tithing and first fruit giving. This is a good place to start training your children with stewarding their money. But generous giving is above and beyond this. I realize many children do not have a lot of financial resources, however you can train them with what they do have. Lay out 50 pennies and show your child what a 10% tithe would look like. Then have your child show you what they think a generous giver would look like. Talking to our children about how much we have and how little so many people around the world have has helped us teach this principle to our own children. When they realize that most of the world makes less than $1 a day and that many children never know what it feels like to have their stomachs satisfied or never have a toy or a pair of shoes they start to have a heart for giving. We read as a family almost every morning about a different country and what the greatest needs are there. We pray for that country and for Jesus to be known. As my children see the great need and poverty throughout our world they become less focused on their own material or monetary desires.
Talents: Each child is unique and designed by God with God-given talents. Helping our children identify their abilities and talents at a young age will help them see and use them for God’s glory. Help your child to see that whatever they are good at is a gift from God and that they are only good at that because God allows it. We need to give God credit and use our talents to serve him and others. The younger our children are the harder it may be to identify their God-given talents. Encourage good character and point out their strengths and good choices in order to help them identify their talents. I have one child who is especially merciful. He is very aware of others hurt and tries to help, comfort or fix the problem. We identified this early and encourage him in this God-given ability. When he is showing mercy he is showing the heart of God. We tell him he has the gift of mercy because we want him to understand he also has a responsibility to use that gift from God for God’s glory and to be generous with it.
I would love to hear your ideas of how you help teach your children to be generous. We can learn from each other to raise up an army of Jesus followers that can impact and change the world with generous hearts. Keep up the good work!
Am I Doing Enough?
August 12th, 2009
Author: Jennifer Patchin
Jennifer Patchin has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is almost 16, Blake is 9, Isabel is almost 7 and Micah is almost 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is starting the adventure of home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.
Helping our children to grow in love with Jesus & walk in His ways
I am always challenged by Deuteronomy 6:5-9:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
I love the Lord and desire above all else that my children will love Him with all of their hearts. Yet I am constantly questioning whether I am doing enough. Or will all the times that I blow it outweigh the times that I am guiding and training them? I know that God looks at the heart and that is the battlefield that I need to be on, reaching my children’s hearts for the Lord. But how? When I look at the above verses it sounds so straight forward and easy and yet we all know that to keep God the focus in all that we do from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed can be very challenging. Then to communicate that to our children can be even harder. So with a little reservation that this may seem too basic or redundant I wanted to start a list of some things that we can do to help our children grow spiritually.
*Talk to your children about God!
When they are young take the opportunity to point out God’s creation and his majesty
through it.
Talk about how much God loves them and that he sent his son to die for them. God’s
love is unconditional.
Share with your children what God is teaching you or lessons you have learned about
God.
Ask your children what they are learning at church or what they think about God.
Learn to filter everything through spiritual eyes and help your children do the same.
God’s ways are not the same as our ways, but His ways are always best.
*Pray with and for your children!
Pray throughout the day, not just meals and bed time (although that is a good place to
start if you are not in the habit).
Pray when your child is struggling with something. Our children need to learn that they
cannot be good or overcome obstacles in their own strength. They need Jesus.
Pray on your way to school for their day, teachers, attitude, friends, and enemies.
Pray when you see a car accident, fire, or when you run in to someone having a bad day.
Praise God together when your child is doing well (having a good attitude, being kind,
helpful, etc.)
Teach your children to be aware of the needs of others and to pray for them.
Stormie Omartian says in her book, The Power of the Praying Parent
“When we show them that walking with God brings joy and fulfillment, not boredom and restriction, when we pray with and for them about everything, then our children will develop a hunger for the things of God. They will long for His ways, His Word and His presence.”
*Read God’s Word!
If your children are young read the Bible to them. Commit to read it every day.
If your children are old enough to read, encourage them to read the bible on their own
every day.
To teach your children the discipline of reading God’s Word every day will
become a habit as they grow. I watch my teenage daughter get up almost every
morning and spend time with God in prayer and bible study. Yes, we trained her to do
that when she was young and now she does it on her own because she understands her
need to be with Jesus.
A friend was just telling me an analogy that she was thinking about in regards to this. She shared that as far back as she can remember it was ingrained in her to wear her seat belt. She understood all the benefits of wearing her seat belt and the dangers of not. Now as an adult she can hardly even start the car without making sure her seat belt is fastened. Because she has been doing it her whole life it is a discipline. If this same emphasis had been put on reading her Bible and spending time with God every day, then these things might be easier disciplines for her today.
For young children a Children’s Story Bible is a good way to teach the stories of the Bible at their level.
There are also many devotional books for children that are short and simple. When they are young these are helpful to teach a biblical lesson that they can understand.
*Be an example!
We have all heard many times, “It in not what you say, it is what you do?”
We need to model with our lives a love for God and His word and His ways. That is the most effective way to reach the heart of our children.
Unfortunately many of the things that my children struggle with are the same things that I struggle with. They have learned my bad habits and sinful ways.
I pray they are also learning the positive things that I have to offer.
Children need for us to show them how to live.
It is not enough to say it, we have to do it.
We can’t just say “be kind to your sister” if we are not modeling kindness.
Check yourself and make sure that you are being the example that you want your children to follow.
Make sure that you are spending time before the throne of your Heavenly Father. He is the one that will give you strength and wisdom. As you love Him more and follow His ways it will pour out into your children.
Putting On/Putting Off Principle
May 27th, 2009
Author: Jennifer Patchin
God has been teaching me a truth for several years now and I am reminded of it as I am studying the book of Ephesians. The New Testament is full of contrast of life with Christ and life without Christ. There is clearly an old nature and a new nature.(Eph.4:22-24) You were dead in sin, now made alive in Christ.(Eph.2:5) You were once in darkness but now you walk in light.(Eph.5:8) You walked according to the course of the world, now you are of God’s household.(Eph.2:2,19) You were without hope, now you have eternal hope in Christ Jesus.(Eph.2:12)
Ephesians 4:22-24 (NLT)
“Throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person created in God’s likeness-righteous, holy, and true.”
The problem is that many of us who have come to know Jesus as our savior and made him Lord of our life still struggle with living in that old nature. Friends, this should not be! But I struggle too. I have found that the key is not just putting off the old nature or trying to empty myself of familiar sins, but there is a necessary action step of replacement.
I for many years have struggled with my tongue. I struggle with being harsh and critical to my family. I have memorized many verses about the tongue and posted countless scriptures on my bathroom mirror and kitchen cupboards to remind me of what God says should come out of my mouth. These things help but and I would encourage others to do the same but to be honest the struggle remains the same. God has shown me that the problem is that I am emptying my mouth of the harsh, critical words and trying to stay silent. The familiar saying, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. But the Bible is clear that we need to replace and not just empty. I need to put on the opposite- sweet speech!
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24
I need to practice saying words that are sweet and encouraging. I need to not only empty myself of my old nature but I need to put on the new nature. That is possible through the power of the Holy Spirit working in me and walking in obedience to what God requires of me. It takes practice. Sweet words like honey are not going to just gush out of my mouth because that is not natural for me. I have to set out to say positive things, to compliment, to make sure that I encouraged just as much if not more than I instructed. I need to write notes and express love with words. It takes work and a focus on training myself to live in my new nature.
So as purposeful parents we need to be teaching these truths to our children. I need to not just address the negative behavior or attitude of my children, but I need to help them see what God’s word says about that behavior or attitude and what God says to replace it with. If my child is struggling with having an ungrateful spirit I need to help him see that he needs to put on a thankful heart. When we see this attitude we address it as sin and point out what God’s word says but then we focus on the action, the new nature. We ask them to give an account of all they have to be thankful for in the day. Sometimes this could even be in writing or to keep an ongoing list of what they are thankful for.
Maybe my child is struggling with fear or worry. Then the focus becomes on God’s promises and that God is trustworthy. I need to help my child focus on verses that remind them of God’s presence and his purpose. Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Often the things that I need to address with my children are the way they treat one another or their attitudes. A key verse we have memorized is Colossians 3:12,13 “As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” There is a literal picture here of putting on these characteristics like clothing. Here is your action step. When we first memorized this verse, with each trait we pretended to put it on like a shirt or pants until we were fully dressed with the things that God says to put on. If you read the verses prior it lists all the things we are to put off. Another passage that addresses what we should put on in this manner is Ephesians 6:13-17 putting on the armor of God.
There are many scriptures that contrast old nature and new nature. A key verse we are focusing on with our children currently is Philippians 4:8 “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.” It starts in the mind, what we think about will effect how we act or what we believe.
I would encourage you to prayerfully identify first in yourself and then in your children an area of sin that is hard to overcome. Then go to God’s word for wisdom and instruction to identify what does the new nature look like and what is the action step. Ask God to show you clearly in his word what tools he has given you to overcome this area of sin and then practice my friends at living in your new nature. God has given us everything we need to live for Him.
Next Week’s Author: Liz
Keeping Christ in Christmas
December 10th, 2008
Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the decorations, bright lights, smells and sounds of the season. I love the traditions and festivities that surround this holiday time. We love to decorate our home, buy gifts, entertain and bake. However I am always trying to make sure that we balance all of this with what Christmas is truly about. Teaching our children to stay focused on Jesus amidst the sparkle and packages and tv commercials can be a challenge.
So here are some ideas (they are not all mine) that help us be intentional about keeping Christ in Christmas.
Read through the birth of Jesus in Luke 2:1-20 regularly throughout the month of December. As your children become familiar with the story have them practice saying the words of the shepherds or the angel. Then as a family act out this passage on Christmas morning with one person being the narrator. We have done this for years and it is fun no matter the age of our children to see them participate.
Keep the baby Jesus out of the nativity until Christmas morning. When ever they look at the nativity, talk about the anticipation of the coming Messiah. On Christmas morning put Jesus in the manger before the children wake. We always go to the nativity first to see the arrival of Jesus and sing “Joy to the world”.
For family devotion time take a different character and study more in depth about what life was like and the reality of their circumstances. Ex. Mary, Joseph, Shepherds, Wise Men, King Herod.
Talk about what you as a family and as individuals could give to Jesus. Write it out, wrap it up and put it under the tree.
Put only gifts that you are giving to others outside your home under the Christmas tree, to keep the focus on others.
At Christmas dinner, set the head of the table and leave it vacant for the guest of honor “Jesus”.
Look for ways to help others and give to those in need. Do a service project together, shop for those in need, bake or prepare a meal for someone who needs it. Check out these sites of ways that you can give to help others: www.samaritanspurse.org; www.worldvision.org
Teach your children about St. Nicolas. He was a real person that loved Jesus and sacrificially gave to others. This is a very fun and informative site.http://www.stnicholascenter.org
