Posts by suejones:
Weigh Our Hearts
March 18th, 2011
Author: Rick Jones
I am Sue’s husband whom happens to pastor the Tulare Evangelical Free Church. I write a weekly post called, Richflexions, that can be accessed at our web tulareefc.org
Some years ago a friend and I combined playing racquet ball with Scripture memorization. One verse that challenged and humbled us was Proverbs 21:2: “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart” (ESV). Many years after God inspired that verse to be written, the church at Corinth was divided because people decided that what they personally believed was the only ‘right’ way to believe. The Apostle Paul wrote to correct that mindset: “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?” (1 Corinthians 1:10-13 ESV)
Today the issues might be different but the wrong mindset of the first half of Proverbs 21:2 is still very much present. One of the issues in which the church is divided today is over how to school their children. Some believe very strongly in home schooling; others in Christian schooling; while others prefer public school. All three groups love the Lord and love their children, yet for a variety of reasons believe that their perspective about schooling is the ‘right’ way. There is nothing wrong with being passionate about what we believe, but trouble begins to foment when we ‘judge’ others because they do not believe in what we hold to be normative and right; and this not only for ourselves but for everyone. It becomes even more injurious when we employ Scripture as a club to buttress our position and pummel that of our “opponent.”
Please note that it was not a misstep on my part in inserting the word, “opponent.” It was an intentional decision on my part to use that word. As believers in Christ we are not opponents, but we are brothers and sisters in Christ. We might disagree on the ‘how’ of schooling our children, but we should be united at all times in how we think and approach each other even when we hold differing views and opinions. Scripture exhorts us to: “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
Many years ago when our children were young I was approached by a member of our church and asked why I did not promote home schooling from the pulpit since we were home schooling our own children. I replied that although we believed that home schooling was the direction God had led us, we did not believe that it was necessarily normative for every family. What was then, and still is now, of more importance, was not the ‘how’ of schooling but the welfare of each child.
We need to pray for each child that they will come to know and delight themselves in Christ; that they will seek His kingdom above all things; that they will be able to articulate why they have placed their hope in Christ; that they will proclaim the excellencies of Him who called them out of darkness into His marvelous light; that they will lives worthy of their calling; that they will no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised and all this growing up in a world in which they will have tribulation and be hated because of Christ and His testifying that the world’s works are evil and that the world loves darkness instead of the light.
Search us, O God, and know our hearts. Try us and know our thoughts. Weigh our hearts in this issue. Help us not to think more highly of ourselves and our thoughts than we should. Help us to extend grace to others whom differ with our thoughts and opinions in this issue. Let our love for one another be so apparent and so Christ-like that people will know that we are His disciples.
Soli Deo Gloria
Next Week’s Author: Linda Wright
Infant/Child Dedication
November 12th, 2010
Author: Sue Jones
Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church just completed their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993.
One of the most enjoyable and heartfelt practices in our church is that of infant/child dedication. It expresses publicly a parent’s recognition that each child is a gift from God and asking God to use their child for His glory. They publicly take a step of faith in committing their child to God’s providence for the life that awaits that child. Let me share with about some parents who counted the cost of that commitment.
John and Betty Stam were missionaries with China Inland Mission. They were martyred for their faith in December 1934. Reflect with me on the words of John’s and Betty’s parents.
John’s parents:
Our dear children, John C. Stam and Elisabeth Scott Stam, have gone to be with the Lord. They loved Him, they served Him, and now they are with Him. What could be more glorious? It is true the manner in which they were sent out of this world was a shock to us all, but whatever suffering they may have endured is now past, and they are both infinitely blessed with the joys of Heaven.
As for those of us who have been left behind, we were once reminded of our sacred vows by a telegram from one of John’s classmates in the Midwest – “Remember, you gave John to God, not to China.’ Our hearts, though bowed for a little while with sadness, answered, ‘Amen!’ It was our desire that he, as well as we, should serve the Lord, and if that could be better done by death than by life, we would have it so. the sacrifice may seem great now, but no sacrifice is too great to make for Him who gave Himself for us.
Betty’s parents:
We have been thankful that from the first we have committed our three precious ones (this included John and Betty’s daughter, Helen) into the Lord’s hands, and have prayed that His name might be glorified and His will done. We have, of course, prayed that, if it be in accordance with His plans for them, their lives might be spared to witness to His great power to release from physical danger. But at the same time we, if His name could be the more glorified through the sacrifice of their young lives, were still willing to give up our treasure into His hands, knowing that He would not carry out such a purpose unless greater glory would result through their death than through their living.
…We cannot but rejoice that they have been accounted worthy to suffer for His sake, and we cannot be sorry for them that thus early they have been released from all earthly trials and have entered into the glory provided for those who belong wholly to Him.
(Excerpts from Vance Christie’s book, John and Betty Stam: Missionary Martyrs)
I believe that a parental perspective demonstrated by both of the families above can only come from those whom have drunk deeply from the well of God’s goodness. It is one thing to say that we give our children to God and trust them to His care and quite another to give them to God and trust them to His care. Both families participated in the latter expression.
As our church family continues to encourage our younger families to dedicate their children to God, we are praying that their relationship with God for their children is based upon His goodness. God does know the plans He has for our children; He does work everything to the good to help conform them to the image of Christ and bring glory to His name and He has promised to never leave nor forsake those whom put their trust in Him.
I am not sure how much of that perspective I really understood many years ago when we dedicated our children to the Lord. We loved God and wanted to honor Him and wanted our children to know and love Him also, but I am not sure if we ever considered that it might entail God allowing them to go through an experience like the Stams. Their faith has humbled and challenged me.
I am praying that God will raise up a mighty new generation like the Stams and their parents whom have chosen to dedicate their children embracing their philosophy that no sacrifice is too great to make for Him who gave Himself for us.
Next Week’s Author: Keri Bruins
Listening
August 10th, 2010
Author: Sue Jones
Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church recently completed their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993.
The story is told of President Franklin Roosevelt, who often had to endure long receiving lines at the White House. He complained that those receptions were so superficial that no one was really listening to anyone else. To prove his point, at the next reception, he murmured to each person who came by to shake his hand, “I murdered my grandmother this morning.” The guest smiled and responded, “Isn’t that wonderful!” or “Keep up the good work” or “It’s such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President.” It was not until the Ambassador of Bolivia came through that he found someone who was really listening. The Bolivian Ambassador gave the President a slight bow and then said, “I’m sure she had it coming.”
A humorous story for sure, but one which challenges me to examine myself to see if I really ‘listen’ to others, especially my children and granddaughter. We teach in the church that my husband pastors that there is the presenting issue and then there is the real issue. It takes concentrated effort to know the difference. This is true not only for adults, but also for children. Let me give you an illustration from our family.
When my daughter was a young teenager, she expressed that she didn’t want to go to Youth Group anymore because it was boring. I explained to her the importance of church and the mutual care and admonition we needed to provide for one another as believers. She still insisted that she didn’t want to go. I countered by sharing how that would make the Youth Pastor feel. He might think that she didn’t like him or thought he was doing a bad job. She was not moved and reiterated her desire to not attend. So I pulled out all the stops when I argued that I knew that she loved her dad so I explained how terrible it would look for him as the Pastor of the church to not have one of his children attend. That could have very unwanted consequences for him and the other families in our church who had teenagers expressing their desire to not attend Youth Group. She didn’t want to do anything to hurt her dad, but she still did not want to attend.
By this time I was getting quite frustrated and annoyed. I had heard about parental struggles during the teenage years, but now it seemed like I was in the midst of one. God graciously gave me the good sense to pray and to close my mouth. As I talked less, she talked more. As she barred her heart to me the real issue finally came to the surface. Relationship issues with other girls in the group was at the core of the problem, not that Youth Group was boring. Real listening opened up an opportunity for me to minister to my daughter and to help her work through relational issues. More importantly, it helped me not to rush to judgment observing unbecoming behavior and words from my children.
May God continue to grant to all of us parents the imperative of James 1:19: know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.
Next Week’s Author: Lynn Winters
Temper Tantrum Living for self or living for others?
June 2nd, 2010
Author: Sue Jones
Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church will soon complete their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993.
There she was right before my eyes seeming to display perfect form. The arch of her back forming a very pronounced half circle while balancing on her legs and shoulder blades. Limbo glory reverberated in my mind. Preslie was a natural, that eleven month old granddaughter of mine. I know she is a natural be-cause I checked with my son and daughter-in-law and discovered that they had not been providing any training or schooling for this activity. She had mastered this activity on her own and even had the wherewithal to add sound effects!
Isn’t it amazing how such a young, lovely girl could express her displeasure by way of a temper tantrum?
No one taught her how to do it. Not one word of encouragement has been voiced, yet she knows how to do and does it quite nicely, I must add.
As I have pondered this display from my granddaughter, it has reminded me of several things. First, we are all born with a sin nature. Both David (Psalm 51) and the Apostle Paul (Romans 5) speak to this issue. We do not have to teach our children (grandchildren) to be self-centered, they are born that way. Some of that initial self-centeredness is necessary for her survival. Her crying lets me know when something is wrong or needed since she cannot articulate her thoughts at this time. But it didn’t take too long in her young life before self-centered was no longer only about legitimate needs, but it has now morphed to express that she wants to have her way and in her time – mainly now!
The second thing her temper tantrum has reminded me is that even as adults we are still pretty much self-centered. We don’t display it in an infant temper tantrum mold (at 54 I have lost my ability to do the limbo) but we still become angry when we don’t get our way and have it done in our selected time allotment. Although we are new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), we still struggle with the residual effect of our old nature. We still battle with self-centeredness displayed in those four self-focused words: I, me, mine and my.
How often have I become withdrawn from others because of some perceived transgression when they didn’t do as I liked or when I thought they should? How many times has my mouth voiced words of anger because I felt frustrated at the behavior of my husband, children, fellow-workers, church members, pets, DMV, etc.? Aren’t these still temper tantrum displays exhibited in more ‘acceptable’ adult forms?
We have memorized in our church 2 Corinthians 5:14 & 15.
For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.
The temper tantrum displays of my granddaughter are being used by God in helping me to reflect on my own self-centeredness. I share with my granddaughter not only the struggle of self-absorption, but the hopeful journey of maturity. May God continue to grant me the grace to move from being an infant in no longer living for myself, but to that of a seasoned saint enjoying the rich rewards of dying to self and living for the Lord.
It might take several more instructional temper tantrum displays from my granddaughter (grandma is a slow learner) to learn this lesson, but I am praising God that I am learning. To my dear Preslie, may we learn this lesson well together.
Next Week’s Author: Lynn Winters
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Keeping the Son in your eyes
March 3rd, 2010
Author: Sue Jones
Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one brand new baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church will soon complete their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993.
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)
As a parent, I wanted that verse to saturate and shape all my words, thoughts and actions regarding my interactions with my children. I not only wanted to share with them about Christ,
I wanted them to see Christ living through me. My desire was for them to see how wonderful Christ is and that to live our lives for Him was both pleasing and rewarding.
As wonderful as that ambition was, there was a problem: me. I found at times in parenting that the desire to be respected by others would get in the way. I would begin to wonder what others thought of me as a mother when they were around my children. If my children would ‘act up’ while in public, how would my response be perceived? If I immediately disciplined them would others think me too strict? If I ignored their behavior until we got home, would they think that I was a proponent of spare the rod and spoil the child? Additionally I struggled with what I had heard growing up as a young girl in the church: the worse kids in the church are the pastor’s kids! And now my children were pastor’s kids! I can’t begin to count how many times my children were disciplined for the ‘sake and approval’ of others.
I am so thankful for the grace of God that not only allowed me to perceive and experience victory over this wrong- headed thinking, but extended a covering protection to my children. To this day they can’t ever recall me parenting out of that approval perspective. I truly am humbled and thankful for God’s unmerited favor.
As a pastor’s wife and grandmother, I have talked with other younger mothers trekking along the same path that led me astray. The siren call of that misguided path has not disappeared. Its ugly shadow lurks in the background of my new role of grandmother, but I have tasted victory by applying the following principles.
Remember that ultimately there is only one whose words and assessment of well done, good and faithful servant that we should seek. So pray that God would reveal the motive(s) behind your thoughts, words and actions in parenting your children.
Love your children. Not because they give you some sort of significance among your peers, but because they are created in the image of God and God has blessed you with the role of helping them to discover how that looks and feels lived out. Love them because they are living reminders that in many parallel ways we too need nurture, guidance and provision to grow into maturity.
Enjoy the moment you and your children are in. For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Embrace it.
As an older Scott Wesley Brown song implored; Keep the Son in your eyes
Next Week’s Author: Lynn Winters
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Grandparent Inspired Parenting
November 2nd, 2009
Author: Sue Jones
Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one brand new baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church will soon complete their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993.
In my previous article, Celebrating Friendship, written with my best friend Lynn Winters, we wrote about the joy of lasting friendships established upon praying the Word of God. In that article it was mentioned that God had blessed us both with the privilege of being grandparents.
I have been asked by members of the congregation my husband pastors and by family members, what is the difference I have noticed between parenting and grand parenting?
It goes without saying that you can spoil your grandchildren and then send them home providing opportunities for your grown children to discover more about parenting and the necessity of prayer! (Once a mother always a mother!) No, there is something much simpler and more profound: dedicated time.
When my children were young I resolved to enter their world and gave myself to them through game playing, schooling, church, friends, etc. Although I found this very enjoyable, I still had to limit myself because of all the other ‘responsibilities’ to which I was engaged: wife, teacher, bill payer, homemaker, counselor to other mothers, etc. Even while engaged in interaction with my children these other ‘hats’ I wore continually called out to me.
I have noticed with grand parenting that this ‘tension’ is not so prevalent. I still have my responsibilities of wife, employment, bill payer, homemaker, counselor to other mothers, etc., but when I have the opportunity to be with my granddaughter, all those other roles fade into the background. She receives my focused attention. Grand parenting has impacted my husband as well. If our granddaughter is over and I don’t have dinner made, his attitude is so what. Time with our granddaughter takes precedence over our other activities. We will re-arrange our schedules so that we can be available for her.
I realize that we are able to provide this focused attention because she is not in our care full-time. So what we are able to do as grandparents is not realistic for parents. Yet I believe that there is one area that can be duplicated: focused attention. I believe that every parent can schedule focused time with their child where all other responsibilities can be relegated to the background. No clock watching, no task expectations, no operation on reserve energy. This is purposeful focused attention planned and prayed for. Block it out if need be on your calendar. Leave your house if necessary. Let nothing keep you from providing that unrushed focused time together.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 states: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven (ESV) Let’s take advantage of the season of our children’s lives that the Lord has provided. Don’t wait until you are a grandparent to enjoy focused time.
Next Week’s Author: Lynn Winters
Celebrating Friendship
September 2nd, 2009
Lynn Winters and Sue Jones have been best friends for over 20 years. Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one brand new baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church will soon complete their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993. Lynn Winters lives in Benicia, CA with her husband Roger and has two grown children so four adult children and three grandchildren. children and has also been involved in children’s ministry through Pioneer Clubs and AWANA Ministry. She also has a love for children and most recently had both her grandchildren in AWANA with her which was such a wonderful journey for all of them. Both Lynn and Sue would have to say that becoming a grandparent has been life changing and such an awesome reward from our Heavenly Father! They both look forward to how much they still have the opportunity to impact the children around us.
Answered prayer is the reason why we, Lynn Winters and Sue Jones, have spent the last 22 years as the “best of friends“. We were both young moms with young children in a new community. We both were praying for a good friend and God saw to it that we became more than friends; we became sisters and soul supporters. We both agree that the most awesome part of our friendship is that our children continue to be the “best of friends.” With the recent birth of Sue’s granddaughter, Preslie Grace (6/19/09), we are now praying that our grandchildren will grow to become the “best of friends”. If so privileged by God, that would make three generations of an amazing friendship.
The legacy of our friendship and our children’s friendship is based on a very simple but powerful premise: praying Scripture. After God answered our initial prayer for a good friend, we committed to pray for one another and our children specific scriptural passages. We prayed for every area of their lives that we could think of and we recorded those scriptural prayers in journals and marked them in our bibles. As our knowledge of God’s Word deepened, the arena of prayer for our children increased. What a source of encouragement it is to look back through our journals and bibles and see God’s grace in answering those prayers.
Supplementing our prayer times, we resolved to spend time together as families. Exceeding our initial prayer request for God to bring a good friend into our lives, God orchestrated our families becoming friends. This resulted in our desire to spend time together which we did through eating together, playing together, countless sleepovers , birthday’s and holidays and vacationing together. All that brought us personal joy as moms and friends and contributed to us ministering together in the children’s ministry in our church.
Our children seldom bickered with one another but when they did, it became another opportunity for us to teach and train them about how God would want them to respond in that situation and the need to rely upon Him. One of our deepest desires was for them to understand how important friendships are to God so that they would love and care for their friends much like we cared for and loved one another.
We did see that kind of love demonstrated early on in their friendships. We continue to see that kind of deep lasting love in their friendships to this day. Each of our children stood up for one another on one of the most important days of their lives; their wedding day. They have all shared in some special way in the birth of four grand-children (with hopefully more of those to come). They continue to talk/email and visit with one another as often as they can even though they are separated by as many as two thousand miles.
Our friendship is unique to us and not all of it has been wonderful. We have experienced our share of hurts and disappointments yet in the midst of those times God gave us exactly what we needed in each other. He gave the words when words were needed and a quiet spirit when listening ears were what was needed. He continues to supply us with His grace and mercy in our ongoing journey together. We have discovered, and now rejoice in the truth, that we serve a personal God who takes an interest in ordinary people.
We would encourage each of you to pray for a legacy of good friendships and for friends that would spur you on toward love and good deeds.
(John 15:12) My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends
Next week’s author: Tyler Robbins