Memories from my heart

Author: Lynn Winters

Lynn and her husband live in Benicia, California and they attend New Harbor Community Church. Lynn has been married to her wonderful husband Roger for 33 amazing years. Enjoys cooking, quilting and reading. She and her entire family love the outdoors and boating. Lynn works full time outside the home. Has been involved in children, youth and women’s ministries for over 20 years. Her greatest treasures are her adult children Joni, Hans, RJ and Carrie and her very precious grandchildren, Justin 6, Abby 4, and Dalton 1. Passing on their Christian Heritage is one passion she and her Husband love to share with family and friends.

My dad passed away January 27, 2010. That was one day in my life that the world seemed to stand still. The events leading up to him leaving this journey here on earth to be with his Savior in heaven have had a very strong impact on my life. You see, my Dad was like our super hero, not that he could fly or leap over big buildings in a single bound, but super hero in that I thought he would live much longer than his 75 years. I do not think any of us were prepared to plan a celebration of life service for him but that is exactly what we did.
My Dad was quite a character he had some very strong opinions about almost any topic. If you knew my Dad, you knew he loved to talk and tell stories. He won all the fights he’d ever been in and he was always right. We all accepted that about my Dad but you see there was more to my Dad then the talking and the stories. My Dad came from a bed of brokenness and built himself into a strong tower. I say “built himself” because he did things his way in his time. My Dad made some major mistakes in his life doing things his way and he recognized a need for some changes. I choose to believe that process began when he was in his mid fifties. In his sixties, I began to notice those changes. He talked less, shared more about his life experiences, and listened more. He was gentler and kinder to those around him. He was available to help anyone who asked for his help and he never said no. He would babysit his great grandchildren as they were a priority in his life. He and Maryanne also went back to Illinois to help care for his mother when she was ill. My Dad was a good caregiver. I had two surgeries and each time my Dad came to take care of me.
My Dad was baptized when he was 70 years old. After that we saw even more changes in him. My Dad was quiet about his faith. He had friends who encouraged him in his faith and they studied the bible together. They did things together and enjoyed one another’s company. He was so grateful that God brought friends into their lives. Those friends helped to change my Dad’s life and those same friends will be there to support his wife Maryanne.
My Dad was not one to say “I love you” but the days before he died if you said, “I love you” he said, “I love you too”.
One of the doctors told us that my Dad let her know he was a Christian! She said she was amazed that he shared that. She was so blessed that he shared that with her because she too is a born again Christian.
When a nurse came into his room and asked, “Can I get you anything Mr. Henry”? He said how about another 20 years? We all laughed and cried at that comment. You see my Dad was preparing himself because he knew he was not going back to his home. That was on a Tuesday. I stayed with my Dad that night not wanting to leave him and wanting to talk. He did not say much when we talked but I knew he could hear me. I prayed with him and talked to him. I let him know my brothers and I loved him very much that his whole family loves him.
As Maryanne and I sat with my Dad on Wednesday morning, my Dad not able to move much he was lying very still but he was talking in a very quiet voice, and not making sense to us. He seemed to be having a conversation with someone. We listened and watched as my Dad lifted both arms began to sit up in his bed. With both arms raised up high; he softly said, “I’m ok now, I’m ready God, you can take me now.” Those were the last words we heard my Dad speak. He died several hours later with his family around him and just after Maryanne had everyone hold hands and pray together one more time.
My Dad left this world to go to heaven where we will see him again. My faith is stronger because of those last few days with my Dad. I miss him terribly but for now, I am grateful that he had a saving grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is my prayer that each of us who knows Jesus keeps praying for unsaved family and friends. It was prayer that changed my Dad and it will be prayer that brings those you love to Jesus so they can experience God’s grace and love too.

Next Week's Author: Tyler Robbins

Keeping the Son in your eyes

Author: Sue Jones
Sue is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother. She lives in Tulare, CA with her husband Rich and three dogs. She has two married children so that makes four adult children and one brand new baby granddaughter. Sue has been involved in children’s ministry for over 25 years and holds children’s ministry as one her most important acts of service to the Lord. Sue also home schooled both her children through high school. Their church will soon complete their brand new building which started as a church plant in Tulare, CA in 1993.

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)

As a parent, I wanted that verse to saturate and shape all my words, thoughts and actions regarding my interactions with my children. I not only wanted to share with them about Christ,
I wanted them to see Christ living through me. My desire was for them to see how wonderful Christ is and that to live our lives for Him was both pleasing and rewarding.

As wonderful as that ambition was, there was a problem: me. I found at times in parenting that the desire to be respected by others would get in the way. I would begin to wonder what others thought of me as a mother when they were around my children. If my children would ‘act up’ while in public, how would my response be perceived? If I immediately disciplined them would others think me too strict? If I ignored their behavior until we got home, would they think that I was a proponent of spare the rod and spoil the child? Additionally I struggled with what I had heard growing up as a young girl in the church: the worse kids in the church are the pastor’s kids! And now my children were pastor’s kids! I can’t begin to count how many times my children were disciplined for the ‘sake and approval’ of others.

I am so thankful for the grace of God that not only allowed me to perceive and experience victory over this wrong- headed thinking, but extended a covering protection to my children. To this day they can’t ever recall me parenting out of that approval perspective. I truly am humbled and thankful for God’s unmerited favor.

As a pastor’s wife and grandmother, I have talked with other younger mothers trekking along the same path that led me astray. The siren call of that misguided path has not disappeared. Its ugly shadow lurks in the background of my new role of grandmother, but I have tasted victory by applying the following principles.

Remember that ultimately there is only one whose words and assessment of well done, good and faithful servant that we should seek. So pray that God would reveal the motive(s) behind your thoughts, words and actions in parenting your children.

Love your children. Not because they give you some sort of significance among your peers, but because they are created in the image of God and God has blessed you with the role of helping them to discover how that looks and feels lived out. Love them because they are living reminders that in many parallel ways we too need nurture, guidance and provision to grow into maturity.

Enjoy the moment you and your children are in. For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Embrace it.

As an older Scott Wesley Brown song implored; Keep the Son in your eyes

Next Week's Author: Lynn Winters

Do my actions speak louder than my words?

Author: Jennifer Patchin
Jennifer has been married to her wonderful husband Kelly for 17 years. Kelly is the Pastor of New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, California. They have 4 wonderful children. Victoria is 16, Blake is 10, Isabel is 7 and Micah is 5. Jennifer has the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom and is home schooling her 3 older children. She has a heart to encourage women as mothers and wives and especially in their relationship with God. She also has a burden for children with special needs and the special needs of their families.

My husband and I recently went on a date to the movies. As we were standing in line for our tickets there was a young couple with a baby in front of us. The man had on
a bright red ball cap that said in big letters I LOVE JESUS. I was encouraged by his bold statement and his shared love for our Savior. They ordered their tickets for a different movie than us and went in.

After we had been seated for a few minutes in the theatre this same couple came in and sat right in front of us. I was a little surprised as I had heard them purchase tickets for a different film. As the evening went on, this couple seemed to be oblivious to the fact that anyone else was in the theatre. They let the baby cry and covered the stroller with a blanket as to pretend we couldn’t hear her. They got up several times going in and out of the theatre. Each time, the man with the I LOVE JESUS cap, would stand up he would put his big puffy jacket on or off which would block both my husbands and mine view for a few seconds. I don’t even remember what movie we saw that night. But I remember this scenario all too well. I was thankful that we were the ones out of the dozen other people in the theatre that were sitting behind them and were most impacted by their behavior. Mostly, I was embarrassed that their actions did not reflect the message that the man wore so boldly on his head. As the lights came up and we exited the theatre I saw that this family had left a huge mess all around where they were sitting. This was one more thing that added to the problem that their actions did not reflect their words.

So as I left a little frustrated with the fact that Jesus’ name was shamed, God quickly brought my thoughts to my own actions. How often do I say boldly to my family that I LOVE JESUS? We talk about Jesus and the Bible and God’s will in our home all the time. I pray with my kids and we do family devotions and service projects. My children hear me talk about Jesus and following his way every day. I boldly wear the imaginary red cap. Yet they also hear me raise my voice and speak harshly. They hear me get easily irritated and show impatience. They hear me speak disrespectfully to their dad. They see me not be as gracious or tender hearted with others as Jesus would have me to be.

Do my actions speak louder than my words?

Do I say one thing but do another?

Do I live like others are watching, namely my children?

Do I put others before myself or are others blinded by my self focus?

Do I just try to cover up my short comings or sin and hope that it will go away, like the crying baby?

Do I leave a trail of destruction behind me with my careless words or lack of concern and respect for others?

Am I distraction for my children that they so clearly see me that they are not seeing Jesus clearly in me?

How about you? You can test yourself too. Think about the red cap upon your head as you go throughout your day. Do your actions match the message you proclaim. If not, don’t take off the hat, change your behavior. That starts with spending time with the only one who can change you from the inside out. As you daily fall in love with Jesus he will help you overcome those things that keep you from living fully for him. Then your outward action will declare what your heart desires to proclaim.

Next week's author: Sue Jones

A Guilty Mom

Author: Linda Wright
(Linda is an African American woman and a graduate of UCB Psychology Department. She spent 7 years on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ. She is the wife of one husband and mother of 3 teenagers, one son and two daughters. Linda is a storyteller, writer of unpublished children's books and a guidance aid for children with the Second Step program for elementary schools.)
What do you do when you’ve blown it as a mom? When guilt and shame tightly wraps around your trembling shoulders like a damp blanket of fog and creeps into the depth of your soul? It’s hard to shake it off. You feel tried, judged, and condemned by everyone but most deeply by self. I’ve been there. It hurts.
I should have realized something was wrong. How did I miss it? I already had two children ages three and five. At her two month check- up, my baby weighed less than at her birth weight of 6 pounds, 10 ounces. Now the doctor said she was 5 pounds and 10 ounces. How did a pound ease off her tiny body on my watch?
“Why I brought her in two weeks ago,” I protested. “The nurse practitioner said she was 8 pounds and 3 ounces. It’s impossible for her to drop from 8 pounds to 5 in two weeks! On that appointment, I had pointed out the hollows in her cheeks and chest and asked why her ribs clearly showed and the nurse practitioner said she looked perfectly fine to her.”
The Pediatrician quietly asked the nurse to bring in a bottle. I felt as if I was going to faint. As we talked the pediatrician gave my baby a bottle with 2 ounces of formula in it. It seemed she drank it empty in 2 seconds flat.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Wright, somehow the nurse practitioner made a big mistake. I think we got to your baby in time. Feed her 2 ounces every 2 hours around the clock. If you went home and pumped your milk you’ll get very little. Come back every two days for her weight to be checked.
I was devastated. I felt personally attacked in the core of my being – the very center of my womanhood and my ability to care for an infant. I burned with guilt and shame. Yet deep down inside of me I still wanted to nurse. I talked to the Pediatrician and to lactation consultants. I had heard that women, who never had been pregnant, can develop a limited milk supply for their adopted infants by using a rented hospital pump every 2 hours for a month.
Encouraged with this information, and armed with determination, I rented a hospital pump and used a supplemental nursing system (SNS) and formula to feed her. (Actually, the hospital paid for everything because it was one of their employees who weighed her wrong.) The doctor’s words were true. I had less than a teaspoon of milk after that first session with the pump. How could she survive on so little?
A SNS was a strange looking device that Moms hang around their neck and fill with formula or mother’s milk. Two tiny tubes taped to the breasts helps the baby nurse and keeps a steady flow of milk dripping into the corner of the baby’s mouth. It helps the infant stay interested in nursing at the same time making it simple to feed.
I loved and I hated that SNS. After three long days and nights, I was able to slow down the frequency of feedings, especially at night. My milk supply returned to normal after two weeks of pumping, but it took until she was 6 months old before she nursed without the SNS. I continued to use the pump because her sucking wasn’t strong enough to keep up my milk supply. It was a lot of work but it was so worth it. Every three hours, from 6 am to 9 pm, I pumped my milk. At night, it was the bottle. Thank God for bottles. Those feedings only took five minutes. Nursing took a good 20 minutes with that little girl.
My husband was a great encouragement to me. He never blamed me or acted like it was my problem. We were in this together. He took great care of our other two children. By this time our oldest was in kindergarten.
Daily, I meditated on verses in the Bible that talked about nursing. They became dear to my heart. Isaiah 66: 7-14 was my favorite, especially verse 11 – “That you may nurse and be satisfied with her comforting breasts, that you may suck and be delighted with her bountiful bosom.”
It did come to pass. At six months of age, my baby was able to nurse without the help of the SNS and bottles. She thrived and grew. She had academic problems from kindergarten through second grade that might have been due to her loss of weight and nutrition, but with help from the school’s resource center, good teachers, tutoring from Kumon Learning Center, and a well researched nutritional supplement, her academic achievements began to blossom in third grade. She also struggled with allergy problems and painful ears on airplanes. Even though she was hungry when she lost weight she was also happy. We called her the “happy to starve child”.
One La Leche League lactation consultant gave me a possible answer to our problem. Once she had one client with 6 children. Her first three nursed right after birth, but the rest had problems. After the fourth one had trouble nursing, she brought her SNS to the hospital for the last two births and used the hospital pump and the SNS for four months. She knew her last two babies would need the SNS right after birth. Her first three children had stretched her nipples until they were too large for newborns to latch onto. I received great comfort from this information.
Now I have compassion and real empathy for women who feel they have blown it with caring for their child. I understand their real feelings of remorse and pain. I am able to talk to them about overcoming their icky feelings. Jesus’ blood, shed on the cross, covers all our guilt and shame. He sets us free! In Romans 8: 1, I read “therefore there is now no condemnation for (Linda) who is in Christ Jesus.” It’s as if He said “I don’t condemn you, don’t condemn yourself. I have a purpose in all of this.”
Three and a half years later, I unpacked the SNS to let a friend borrow it. Her baby had an ear infection and didn’t want to nurse. But the SNS made nursing easy for screaming son. At age 3, my toddler saw me with it and said “that helped me get Nana.” She hadn’t seen it since she was 6 months old!
The following is a poem I wrote about my three children. Nana was our private nursing term.
Who Do I Nurse Next?
Here’s Emmanuel
After five days he latches on
It’s Nana time!

Here’s Kenya
Two to nurse as if they were twins
It’s Tandem Nursing Time!

Here’s Emmanuel
He is much older now
It’s weaning time!

Here’s Baby number three soon to be
Mama is too sore
Wow! Kenya understands!

Here’s Mama - free
Not one clinging to me
It’s no Nana time!

Here’s Karis
She can’t nurse,
It’s training time!

Here’s lost weight
A missing pound
Shame and guilt came sneaking around.

Here’s SNS, lactation consultants,
Tubes, tape and hospital pumps for
Four long months

Here’s weight gain
She nurses on her own!
Once again, it’s Nana time

Here comes Cookie Monster,
Dolls, Beanie babies and many more.
Karis declares “They must have Nana first!”

Here is one lucky Mom
Who learned to nurse and wean
One, two, three, and all!

Next Week's Author: Jennifer Patchin

Making Memories

Author: Wendy Clark
Wendy and her husband have been married for 24 years and are the parents of three girls, ages 16, 14, and 5. As a family, they are learning together what it means to love and serve God and are making memories together in the San Francisco Bay Area.

In December my husband and I took our two teenage daughters to see Steller Kart (a Christian band) on their “Punk the Halls” tour. They were offering VIP tickets with a t-shirt for only $10 more than the not-so-VIP tickets, so we decided to go for the deal. Along with the free t-shirt we got to meet with the band before the concert, ask questions, take pictures, and “hang out.” There were only about 8-10 VIP’s, so we felt like V-VIP’s.
Not surprisingly, those fans age 16 and under asked different questions than those few of us over 16. The younger fans asked questions like, “How did you decide to follow your dream?” The older attendees asked questions like, “How long have you been on the road?” and, “When’s the last time you got to take a shower?” The answer to that last question was “three days,” which prompted a greasy-hair demonstration.
We had a great time with our daughters, and we did something very important—we made memories. And it didn’t cost us much. The tickets were pretty inexpensive, we had burgers for dinner, and we had to drive a bit to get there—all pretty cheap for something we are not likely to forget.
What memories are you making with your kids?
Memories don’t have to be expensive, but they do require something from you—time. If you find that you are too busy to spend some time just having fun with your kids, then you are too busy.
So . . . take a day to go and play in the snow. Ride bikes. Make a picnic lunch and head out for a drive and a hike. Have a movie night, eat popcorn, and watch something together. Play board games. Take a drive out to the beach. Explore an unfamiliar town. Try something new.
Plan. Be creative. Make it a priority to have fun together.
And make memories.

Next Week's Author: Linda Wright

Too Much Stuff

Author: Jaime DeCarlo
Jaime is a proud mommy of several children, all who have come to her in ways she never would have imagined! Angela is her 23-year-old, married step-daughter, Shelly (17) and Kenneth Jr. (15) are her husband’s biological and her adopted children of 9 years, Emmalyn is her miracle baby of 1 year that was never supposed to be and Logan is her almost 2 year old foster-baby that has come and gone for the past 20 months!


As I am reminded of my turn to write for PPP, I regretfully realize I have forgotten another thing to do! “What is wrong with my mind?, I ask myself, feeling foolish!
I am typically a very organized person who is usually on time and honors commitments, but lately it’s been crazy around here! As I look at my “clutter table”, that’s been called so since Christmas, push around piles of magazines and unread ads and sort through hundreds of baby toys all over the house all day, I begin to realize part of the problem: we have TOO MUCH STUFF!

Lately I have noticed that the more family members, the more stuff you accumulate. Makes sense, but also makes for so much more to do each day and can easily become very overwhelming! I have been trying to have my teenagers go through all their closets and drawers more lately and it’s just amazing to see what comes out of their rooms! My son just cleaned out his toy box and he is sixteen years old! He had old shoes, soda cans, notebooks, candy, etc., unbelievable right, until I take inventory of my quite large walk-in closet where there is also old clothes, candy, and things like tape recorders, come on!!!

So, while my post may not seem extremely Biblical or parent-related, here’s how I see it. First of all, as Christians, we all know that we can’t take any of this stuff with us when we are gone, so having too much or being too tied to old stuff for sentimentality is really useless for the most part. Secondly, if I had less stuff to sort though, organize and clean, I would have more time to play with my babies and listen to my teenagers.

I am trying to give things away at every opportunity: to the library, Cancer Society, Good Will, Salvation Army, coat drives, even canned food drives! It feels so good to give and I never really miss it or wish I had it back! Also I am reminding myself that it’s not a sin to throw away that broken VCR or those worn out shoes from college sitting in the back of the closet. It feels good to get organized and frees me up to be a better, more patient mommy as well!

Next week's author: Wendy Clark

Manners

Author: Kim Ashbaugh
Kim Ashbaugh is formerly an elementary school teacher and presently a homeschool mom of three daughters ages 16, 13 and 10. Her family has lived in Florida, California, and presently resides in Georgia. She loves chocolate, old movies, Jane Austen novels, and almost anything "old-fashioned." She appreciates modern technology but longs for the simpler days. Her highest priority after God is her husband and children, and after that she loves to minister to young moms


One day recently, as I was walking into a large retail store, a boy around age 9 held the door open for me. I thanked him as he looked at me proudly, knowing he had done the right thing (obviously taught by his parents or guardians to do so). Another day, my three daughters and I walked into a dentist’s office, signed in, and turned to face a crowded waiting room. Not one chair was available. As we made our way across the room to stand by the wall, several young men and boys, most with their mothers, looked right at us. Not one of them stood to offer us his seat. Worse, not one of the mothers encouraged her son to do so. These two events occurred within months of each other and in the same county. What was the difference between the first boy’s motivation to open the door and the second group’s complete indifference to offer their seats? I believe it was instruction in manners.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, manners are “social behavior with respect to standards; correct social behavior.” There was a time in our society when a man, young or old, would never have sat in a room when women were standing. Children were taught manners as readily as they were taught to read. Somewhere in the development of our wonderful nation, some of this has been forgotten. We focus on advanced education (a good thing), but neglect something as practical and straightforward as good manners. We cheer our children as they make goals, homeruns, and touchdowns, but neglect to encourage them to show preference to others.

One character trait of successful people is that they usually display excellent manners. Imagine a politician who belches loudly at a state dinner, or a businesswoman who is 30 minutes late to a meeting she called. It makes sense that good manners are a part of a successful life, whether that success is in business, politics, or one’s own family relationships.

What does it mean to have good manners? Having good manners simply means being thoughtful and putting others ahead of self. Jesus demonstrated this principle throughout the New Testament (the ultimate example being His death on the cross), and encouraged such behavior among his followers. When you practice good manners, you get the added benefit of an uplifted mood, whether from seeing the smile or hearing the “thank you” of the other person, or just knowing you made his day a little brighter. You also become the “salt and light” that Jesus talked about in Matthew 5:13-14, showing His love to the world.

How can we practice good manners? Maybe yours are also a little rusty (I have been known to leave my grocery cart in places other than the designated cart-return, interrupt my friends when they are talking to me, and fail to rsvp--just to name a few). Begin by making a list of three principles of good manners you would like to change, and work on them. (Example: I will put my cart in the cart return, I will let someone finish her sentence before responding, and I will call or e-mail the person whose party I just received an invitation to.) Your practice of good manners will be an example to your children, and they will follow suit.

Recently I observed my eldest daughter as she was making a purchase in a store. The clerk said the usual, “Hi, how are you?” and she responded “Good! How are you?” in the same warm, enthusiastic tone I usually use. My enthusiastic response to those who serve in our community is based on my own mother’s warm, friendly tone when dealing with people. A learned habit, it is a chain reaction that flows down through generations.

The following is a list of important practices that I consider good manners and have strived to teach my children (some I am still working on myself; others my children are still endeavoring to make into lifelong habits).

Table manners: chewing with mouth closed, saying “please” and “thank you,” keeping bodily functions private or at least saying “excuse me”, taking a reasonable portion of food, especially at potlucks and buffets
Other manners: being on time, letting the elderly or handicapped go first, boys giving up seats for ladies (or anyone for the elderly or handicapped), thinking before you speak, helping someone carrying a heavy load

These are just a few…I think it would be fun to see all your ideas in the comments section!

Book suggestion: George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, written by our first President when he was 14. Some of the selections apply to his time period only, some are still true today, and some are downright funny!

Next week's author: Jaime DeCarlo