When it comes to blending a family, unless a woman conceives by Immaculate Conception, there is neither a perfect nor an ideal way that words around the topic can be spoken.

The idea itself is imperfect.

Here’s My Story:

When I was a girl, I dreamed of my perfect family- my perfect life. I learned from my broken home, as a child that broken is no way to continue or leave a family… not my family.  I thought to myself, since I know what family should not be; it is simple enough just to do the opposite. I’d had-it with the inconsistencies and momentary cushions of the “I’m trying” chat from my folks -separately when they (in his and her own time) could borrow time and hang out with my brother and me. I was all ready to get out of the substitute home of my great-grand parents and into a home of my own. I was anxious for the home that I would make perfect. It would exclude everything that I did not want. My plan was that it would be perfect simply because of the ideal family image that was formed in my head.

If you are not familiar with “My Perfect Life Scenario”, I’ll share it with you. It is the idea that the mom (me) is like Donna Reed from the black and white television show of the 1900’s, (I would just be more black than white). Nevertheless, I’d be the ideal wife right away. And, I’d be mother of children ( all of the same tribe).

But as it happened, I seemed to have gotten my way for a time and impatience had its play.

I was hurt and running out into the storm of life -without a covering. I was equipped only with known examples of relationship trials to hold onto as I ran. My unattended hurt lead to a harden heart early along my journey.

I had more than a chance. And still, I longed to receive love and to express love. I had need for the right way of doing things. I was desperate for reference and power to live in the way… Ah yes, this glorious way of life.

After turning my back to the world, I was so alone until one day; I was lead just to give myself away. I then turned my face to God and tried a new relationship with Him.  I turned over everything that I knew. I traded in every hurt, sorrow and shame from the rubble that was left of “My Perfect Life Project”.

A stent of just pressing in hard: worshiping, reading and trying life God’s way, revealed that my dream was still there… It’s just that -I had no plan. I had only passion for my new life and newest relationship (with The Triune God of the universe).

I kept a journal and was able to recognize that my new course had me in good shape.  My new efforts were toward having right relationship with God and mankind.

Today, my path challenges me to be effective in every area in which I hope to have happiness.  The theme for my life is the same: Family.

I am learning not to chase perfection. Instead, I persevere through trial that I may have patience.

Part of the glory for choosing this way of life is our youngest daughter. She is brilliant and loving towards her visiting sisters and brother. She is amazingly appreciative for seemingly everything. I believe that observing the dynamics of our family helps her to be grateful.

My husband and I (together) do what we can for each of our children. We keep God first and each other the very next priority. If people would stand firm on principle and, “be more flexible and willing to change” themselves “it would solve a lot of problems and challenges in marriages today.” Dr. Phillip Goudeaux, “Protecting and Safeguard Our Marriage”. Investments such a reading is a very simple way to help set a greater example that can be duplicated by generations that follow our own.

In my opinion, there are not many relationships more challenging to maintain than those that include family. I am humbled and choose this path. What I can share with you is that: I shout out victory and believe for good success. We have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony. (Revelation 12:11)

            Spaghetti sauce is a specialty of mine.  I start with tomato sauce and stewed tomatoes whipped up in my vita-mix super blender with an onion, garlic cloves, and herbs from my garden. Secretly, I add a few sliced carrots for added nutrition. The vita-mix liquefies it all!  Simmer the liquid in a large pot without the lid on for a long time.  Delicious!

“What is the secret sauce that holds a family together?” Bruce Feiler posed this question, March 15, 2013 in a New York Times article. What are the ingredients that make some families effective, resilient, and happy?”  His conclusion, after extensive research is simply to develop a strong family narrative.

As a storyteller and writer, this intrigues me greatly.  Basically, our children should know   their family story.  This gives them the ability to move ahead and face challenges.  Our children will make good choices when they are well grounded in their family roots.  Do they know where their grandparents grew up?  What are the secrets in the family?  How did their parents and grandparents meet?  What terrible things have happened to the family?  Do they know the story of their birth and infancy?  Can they trace the line of faith from one generation to the next?

Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush interviewed and tested four dozen families in 2001 and discovered that “the more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”   A few months after these interviews, the New York City World Trade Center came crashing down due to terrorist’s attacks.  The psychologist interviewed the children once again.  Those who knew more about their families were more resilient.  They were able to handle the effects of that stressful period better than those who did not know as much about their families.

Children need to know their family story.  One option is to share an ascending family narrative: Your grandparents were very poor.  They didn’t have any education.  But they lived by faith and worked hard and sent me to college.  Now you are in school.  One day you will go to college.  Your children will go to….

Then there is the descending family narrative: We used to have a nice house and plenty of money in the bank.  But I made some very risky investments and we lost it all when the housing market crashed a few years ago.  We are back at the bottom.  But I have hope.

The most healthy one, Dr. Duke says is the oscillating family narrative.  We’ve had hard times and good times.  Once we rented a small apartment.  Do you remember that?  Then we bought our home.  Times were good.  But some bad things happened.  I lost my job.  Mom got really sick and our insurance didn’t cover it all.  We lost our home. Now we are back in another apartment.  My brother is in trouble with the law.  But we are family and we will get through this.

Overall, children do well when they know they belong to something bigger than themselves.  They know their family values.  Their family spends time together at the dinner table, on vacations, at the park, at church, and visiting relatives. This means communication.  Parents have to talk and share their story.  Making family traditions are key.  The more sillier the tradition, the more likely it will be passed on to future generations.

My mother was raised by another family because both her parents died by the time she was five.  My father was raised by an abusive mother so he rarely talked about anything.  But we did have our faith, a lot of funny stories and traditions.  These have held my six siblings together.

However, as children we were unruly and we were free with our fists and mouths.  I was determined not to let that happen in our home.  When I became a parent, Ephesians 4 (NASB) became our family motto.  “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouths, but only that which is helpful for building others up…”  My kids had this memorized early!

When I begin a six week storytelling workshop at public schools, the children’s first homework is to find out what their name means, who gave it to them and if they like their name.  The purpose of this homework is to open dialogue between the child and their parents.  Plus it’s easier for a child to stand in front of their peers and tell them their personal name story.  I’ve spoken in many classrooms and very few children know what their name means.  How about yours?

Take the time to share the good and the bad and your belief that we will survive setbacks.  James 1:2 says, “Consider it all joy when you consider various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance…”  This gives our children the sense that we belong to something bigger than the problems that face us.  God is in control and there is a purpose behind all we experience.  There is a story about brick layers and when asked what they were building, one said he was building a wall and the other one replied that he was building a cathedral.  The one with the grand vision will work with more enthusiasm knowing the overall purpose of his work.

Once my children became teens, I encouraged (really begged) them to come into the kitchen and learn the family recipes that I observed from grandparents and aunts.  It’s not about following a recipe.  No, the process has to be watched because so much more happens than what’s in a recipe.  They need to hear why I do this and not that.  How I tested this ingredient and found it not as good.  The color of this sauce must look like this.  You know when this is ready for the next step because it looks like this…

The idea of my not cooking for them forever has not penetrated their skulls.  Do you think they know how I make my special spaghetti sauce, sweet potato pie, peach cobbler…? Of course not!  If you see them or face book with them, tell them to get into the kitchen with their Mother.  And have fun talking with your children about their name story and share with them yours.

Next Week’s Author: Tashelga Parrott

One way to avoid emotional outbursts with our children is to understand the difference between tasks, problems, and conflict. Tasks are the normal things parents do each day. You get kids out of bed, make sure they’re dressed, provide breakfast, check that they have all the things they’ll need for the day, and get out the door. Then you’ll stop by the drug store to pick up the prescription and drop by the library to return the books on your way home. Tasks are the to-do list of a parent. They’re work but they’re expected. It’s part of the job.

Problems are different. They’re ob
stacles that get in the way of your goals. Your son is playing with his video game when he should be getting dressed. You can’t find the prescription you need and you’re missing a library book. Your daughter’s homework isn’t in her backpack again and she can’t find her other shoe. It’s not usually the tasks that create the tension in family life. It’s the problems that get in the way.

Conflict happens when we allow problems to escalate, typically through emotional intensity. Problems plus emotions can quickly lead to conflict.

Here’s an important rule: Don’t turn problems into conflict. Instead look for ways to turn problems into additional tasks by developing a plan to solve them.

Training children is a task, not a problem. The difference has to do with your expectations. If you’re surprised by your son’s resistance to instructions, then you’re liable to view it as a personal attack and escalate to conflict. But the reality is that your son’s resistance is an indication of a character weakness. It’s a problem. Part of your job as a parent is to train your child. Allow the problem of resistance to become a task of training. Develop a plan to challenge the poor character in your son and you now can approach the task of raising him using a calm, but firm manner. It’s just another one of the tasks of your job as a parent.

This parenting tip comes from the book, “The Christian Parenting Handbook” by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Next Week’s Author:  Linda Wright

By Wendy Clark © 2013

In Romans 1:20 Paul writes, “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (NIV).

God’s eternal power and divine nature are clearly see and understood through creation.  So one way that we can know and understand more about God is to spend time observing and reflecting on nature.

One thing that I recommend that we all do regularly and teach our children to do is to get out and walk (if we can), and as we do, to look and listen and breathe and pray and think about what God is revealing about Himself all around us.  Ask your children what things they see in nature and what the things that God created reveal about God the Creator.  If you see something that is diseased, decaying, or dying or otherwise affected by the brokenness of our world, talk about what our Creator might feel when looking at his broken creation.  Talk about how God’s plan is in motion to restore all of creation to its perfect state.  How would the world look if there were no more disease or decay or dying?  If nothing in nature was torn up or broken down or misused?

Another thing you might try is to spend some time with your kids closely observing the finer details of nature.  Sit down with a sketch book, and try to draw what you see.  It doesn’t matter much whether your drawings are any good; it is the process of closely observing and trying to draw what you see that you should most interested in, the activity of focused seeing that is important.  Try drawing just one leaf of a tree or one petal of a flower.  Make the effort to really see, and then to think:  What does creation tell you about God?  What does it reveal about His eternal power?  About his divine nature?  I have noticed that sitting quietly and really focusing in on tiny details helps me to see things that I’ve never really noted before and to think about God in new ways.

How long has it been since you have spent time working out in your yard?  Digging, planting, watering, weeding—what do you think about while you are doing these things?  What do you see?  What can God teach you through these simple, repetitive activities?  How does it feel to see things sprout up and grow? To watch a plant shrivel up and die?  These are all things that are good for you to do and good for you to teach your children to do.

The Apostle Paul teaches that nature reveals something about God.  And even many who are not people of faith concede that being out in nature makes them feel peaceful and more hopeful, and spending time in nature is even often prescribed for those who struggle with depression.  So while the weather is nice and the days are long, let’s make a point of taking our kids with us as we get outside, and let’s take the time to stop and observe and think and breathe and be reminded of how great and amazing and truly artistic and creative God is.

Wendy spends time enjoying nature in the beautiful San Francisco Bay Area with her husband Roy and her three daughters.  Visit her website:  wendyclarkministries.com

Next Week’s Author:  Scott Turansky

One of the hardest parts of parenting is figuring out the best way to deal with tough issues we encounter with our children. How should we respond – with empathy, correction, further questioning, or something else? It’s not always clear-cut, and what works with one child in one season may fail completely with another child in a different situation.

Recently our five-year-old daughter has begun responding with oversensitivity and meltdowns whenever she’s crossed or corrected. She falls into long-lasting tears and despair, feeling that everyone’s “mad at” her and/or “mean to” her, and that no one understands her. The emergence of this behavior coincided with a major life transition – our family moved across the country, and she’s adjusting to a new home, milieu, and school. Such changes are deeply unsettling and take time and energy to address; our daughter is no doubt exhausted, overwhelmed, and insecure. We work and talk with her through her outbursts, helping bring her through them.

But as weeks wear on and the behavior remains – even escalates – how do we respond? We can’t live with fits of tears, anger, and self-pity exploding onto the scene ever hour or two over trivial matters. We can’t wait for the behavior to just peter out; it’s not fair to anyone in the house, including her. But what do we do?

During the time we’ve been wrestling with this issue, I developed a few guiding steps to help walk myself through this and other tough parenting issues, a kind of a cheat sheet for the discernment and training process. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Pray for the child and about the situation. This first step is such an easy one to overlook, even though – or maybe especially because – it’s so vital. Situations like these require wisdom and Spirit-inspired intervention, and we have none of that apart from Christ. But He promises to give it when we ask. And more than ever in the midst of taxing seasons we need to love our child deeply and wholly; the kind of love we’re after comes (like all love) from Jesus.

2. Step back and assess what’s really going on, as objectively as possible. It’s easy to get stuck only seeing and responding to what’s happening at the surface level while missing the bigger picture. Our daughter’s excessive tears and oversensitivity were the presenting symptoms, but they were in fact only half of the problem. The other half that her failing to own the fact her misbehavior was prompting the negative responses triggering her meltdowns. Blame-shifting always fueled the self-pity and insecurity she expressed in her fits — the “bad mommy” syndrome that Cloud and Townsend write about in their Boundaries with Kids. Her explosive emotional response to being crossed or corrected blocked out her capacity to accept responsibility for her behavior,

3. Experiment with several different responses to the situation to see which one(s) appear to bear most fruit. In our case, it was pretty clear that what we were doing – trying to talk with our daughter in the midst of her emotional response – wasn’t working. She couldn’t hear or receive our words in those moments.  So we had to brainstorm other options – talking through the scenario in times of non-conflict, removing her to be alone during fits, loss of privileges relating to fit-escalation, practicing the situation over again later to internalize correct responses – and then try them out to see what best reaches her and helps her improve.

I often skip this step. I generally feel that the route I’m taking is reasonable and should work, and I keep using it even when it’s unsuccessful (and then feeling frustrated).  It takes time, commitment, and a certain amount of unflappability to work through different strategies to address a problem. Trying different strategies helps us learn our kids better – their hearts and their souls. And it trains us in proactively acting out the hope and perseverance that always marks Christ-like love.

4. Place boundaries on the child to protect her and the other family members from the situation. Our children do have control over their actions and responses, even when they’re being unreasonable. Though our daughter sees the problem to be with others treating her poorly, the fact is that her emotions and choices are driving the bus.  It’s our job to teach her this and over time help her practice controlling her emotions and choices. So we say: “You may stay in your room if you need time to be upset, but when you come out you can’t cry or be unpleasant. And you can’t use the words ‘mad at me’ or ‘mean to me.’ If you do, you’re making the choice to go back to your room.” We don’t permit her to use those phrases in times of high emotion because they signal that she’s still entrenched in self-pity mode – the mode that perpetuates the downward spiral – and not yet ready to move on.

Walking myself through these steps helps stabilize me when trying to muddle through taxing behavior and train our children at heart level. Are they perfect or complete? Or course not. But raising kids is never as straightforward as we wish it were and that’s, I think, how God intends it, as it keeps us relying on and dependent on Him.

This issue hasn’t gone away for us, though we’re making some slow headway, and I don’t know when it will. God knows, and that suffices. In the meantime, here’s to the wisdom, humility, and enduring love we all need to raise up the children God’s entrusted to us.

Next Week’s Author:  Jeanine Cook

Since boyhood I have been a fan of action and adventure movies, particularly those about superheroes.  From Superman to Spiderman, I’ve found such characters not only entertaining but inspiring and uplifting in a way.  Who hasn’t walked out of a theater after a good superhero flick ready to take on the world?  I am part of an American obsession that is a multi-million dollar business spawning movies, games, toys, and clothing ad infinitum.

Recently I was thinking about this cultural preoccupation we have with supernatural characters and its impact on young men, in particular.  Everywhere boys are bombarded with the theme of superheroes and magic: in movies, cartoons, commercials.  They see Superman on a cereal box every morning, play with Fantastic Four action figures during the day and sleep in Spiderman pjs at night.  And what do we do?  We encourage it all, because its cute or cool, because its popular…because we don’t really think about what we’re teaching them.

I don’t have a son, so I can only make observations here–I can’t share my experience as a father of boys.  But I did grow up in this culture and its effects clearly linger today in my entertainment choices.  The Spiderman pencil cup and mouse pad in my office reveal my lingering fascination with the “supers.”  What’s the problem? you might ask.  The problem is a nationwide failure to recognize true heroism, courage or strength.  Our kids don’t know what a real hero looks like.  They run past the soldier in the mall to look at a Spiderman poster.  They yawn at stories of great Americans like George Washington, Daniel Boone, Alvin York, or Chappie James.  Such mere mortals are so…human.  They were just men!

Why, I asked myself, are we so mesmerized with superheroes?  What is it that draws us to these characters?  Then it hit me:  “..You will be like God…” (Gen. 3:5)

The original temptation presented to Eve in the Garden was the offer of…can I call it “super-powers”?  Satan offered Eve the equality with the Creator.  He enticed her with power and glory beyond that granted to humankind–with supernatural knowledge and abilities.  He made her discontent with the limitations of her humanity.   And her desire for “super-powers” still lingers in our blood.  We still long to be invincible, powerful, to transcend the limits of this natural world…like God.

The trouble with superheroes is that they distort our concept of heroism and make it something unattainable.  So I ask myself, if I had a son, what would I do about this?  My conclusion: introduce him to real heroes.  Not that I would completely forbid superheroes.  But I would promote the real deal–historic and current.  It is interesting to look at the heroes of the silver screen, those black and white films of 60 years ago.  How different they are from our superheroes today!  Mere mortal men of courage, with everything to lose, putting their lives on the line for others.  You can find films about many historic heroes.  I recall an excellent movie about Sergeant Alvin York, the World War II hero, and another about Daniel Boone.

What about modern heroes?  I think immediately of firemen, policemen, EMTs, soldiers–men whose lives are about self-sacrifice and brave rescues.  Real men who weep, bleed and sometimes give their lives in the line of duty.  Those are the kind of action figures I would give my son and the kind of Halloween costumes I would encourage.  And not only could we find entertainment and recreation in the ideal of the hero, but we could connect with real heroes.  Get to know the guys at the local firehouse, the local deputy up the street, maybe soldiers at the nearest army hospital.  Sure, we might watch a superhero movie now and then, but the contrast between true heroism andHollywoodheroism would be discussed and understood.

One other idea that comes to mind: how about real action and adventure?  Camp, kayak, hunt, explore–get our boys outside and teach them that life is full of opportunity for real adventure.   I grew up in ruralMichigan, where I spent my summers fishing,  collecting frogs and turtles, exploring in the woods (and sometimes getting lost).   Not all boys have that opportunity, however, so as fathers we must make the effort to create those experiences for them.   I call that “Daniel Boone” adventure–outdoors action.

Another idea with similar benefits is to train and run a race together.  The goal is to face some hardship or challenge, maybe suffer a little in the process, to achieve something.  The problem with our armchair action and adventure society is everything is virtual and artificial.  We enjoy adventure without any discomfort or pain.  And frankly, I think many of us are afraid of the real thing because it might hurt.

How does this relate to heroism?  I believe it prepares boys to risk the pain and loss that heroes must risk.  I’m not suggesting life-threatening extreme sports but ordinary reasonable activities that require courage and involve a healthy dose of risk.  They might end up with some bruises and scrapes, maybe even a broken bone–but they will learn how to endure pain and keep on living in spite of it.  Boys who have never risked or experienced injury are going to grow up with a fear of it that will inhibit real heroism when the opportunity comes to risk their own well-being to help someone in danger or need.

Yes, I’m full of ideas for a man who has no sons of his own.  But I see our society losing its reverence for true heroes, our young men growing up without integrity or self-control and bereft of respect and compassion.   A world without heroes is a dark world indeed and that is what lies ahead if we do not begin to raise up heroes again.  No boy can hope to grow up to be the “Man of Steel”.  Mankind has his limits and cannot, will never be, like God.  But boys can aspire to be real heroes, men of action and courage who save lives, defend the weak and helpless, and make a difference in their world.  And that kind of hero trumps Spiderman any day.

Next Week’s Author:  Susan Arico

Modeling Christ is essential.

I have become increasingly aware of societal pressures on the family.  With increased emphasis on personal pleasure and false priorities we continue to hear “I am too busy”.  This creates a problem.  There is no way to model behavior to your children without time being spent living out what Christ teaches us in front of them.  Even if you are unintentional you are modeling some behavior, but is it “I’m too busy”?  I believe most Christian parents understand but the difficulty is in how to balance it all.

Many of us have heard of multi-tasking, but what if we start looking at our behavior with a multi-modeling outlook.  Taking our behaviors and looking for multiple outcomes.  Let me give you an example of this.  In our church there are many areas to serve in ministry.  Over the last few weeks I have noticed many men and women bringing their children with them as they worked together to open or close the church facility.  It touched my heart that what they had started was intentional modeling, some without even knowing it.  They are showing their children at a young age what serving looks like.  It reminded me of when we were planting the church, each week we would set-up, tear-down, whatever was needed.  My oldest daughter was raised in this environment of church and would help us with whatever she could.  It is a wonderful picture of being a servant of the Lord.  They not only serve together, they serve joyously together.

The beautiful by-product of living out servanthood in front of our children is the practice and worldview you instill in them because of it.  It came to my realization that these children will grow up in a church with a natural understanding of service.  They will come into any church community and say, “how can I help”.  It won’t matter how big or small the job. They have caught a very important theological lesson, we are all servants and friends of the Lord.  The reason I know this is because my daughter does it, she understands the nature of being a servant.  Most Christians that come into the church have to be taught this, they do not instantly connect church with serving the Lord.   Multi-modeling, finds ways to connect Biblical principles to our daily habits, often encouraging new habits that allow us to express the love of Jesus in our lives.  Begin developing habits the transform the lives of your children as they live life with you.

Next Week’s Author:  Scott Turansky

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. John 14:16-17

I like black and white. I like right and wrong. I like problems that have answers.

I don’t like guessing. I don’t like blind trust. I don’t like subjectivity.

I’ve preferred logic, reasoning and evidence for as long as I can remember. Before I accepted Christ in my life, I was agnostic because I didn’t think there was any evidence for God. My Christian life since then has marked by studying apologetics and learning the truth about God, Jesus and the Bible. I believe seeking after truth is Godly, and wanting to understand justifications behind my faith is good, but lately I’ve wondered if I’m pushing out the Holy Spirit and his role in my life. We worship a God of truth, but we also worship a God that cannot be comprehended. We worship a God that imcomprehensibly created the vast heavens, and yet equally incomprehensibly lives inside of us and changes us from the inside out.

So I was intrigued lately when I came across the book “The Forgotten God – Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit” by Francis Chan. I’ve been aware lately that too often I ignore the role of the Holy Spirit in my daily life. I’m prone to long dry spells where I’m not experiencing anything close to the unpredictable, miraculous, uncontainable aspect of the God that promises to touch my life life and change me.

Chan suggests that one of the reasons comes down to an issue of control between us and God (doesn’t it always?). We are creatures of control; from the time we’re born we demand that our environment suit us. We don’t naturally like to compromise, adapt or be led. Much of our daily stress comes from situations where we feel out of control. We feel more in control when we have answers to our problems and plans to execute.

We like control so much that sometimes we even invent problems to solve . Time Magazine recently had an article about the popularity of puzzle games, e.g. Soduku, Crosswords, Angry Birds. If life is so full of problems already, why do we seek out new ones to solve? It comes down to control – life rarely presents problems that can be definitively and completely solved in a few minutes like a puzzle. It’s a great feeling of control and satisfaction.

But what about when it comes to us and the Holy Spirit – who’s in control? Are we being led by the Holy Spirit, or are we trying to lead Him? If we construct our lives, schedule and activities without consulting Him, we are doing the leading not Him. Maybe we’re open to Him joining in if He wants, but is there room for Him to fit in? If we’re so busy and in control of our calendar so that every moment is scheduled, we are missing opportunities for the Holy Spirit to direct us. His work will still be accomplished, but not necessarily in us or through us.

If it’s hard for us, what about for our children? How do we teach them to let the Holy Spirit lead? How do we teach them to trust, submit and release control to Him? This is one of those spiritual disciplines that is much better modeled than taught, and here are just a few ways to help keep the focus on the Holy Spirit. Maybe you have some other ideas.

• Stop and pray with our kids over their difficult situations. Often.
• Don’t solve every problem for your kids. Encourage them to pray about it and leave space for Him to work. Follow up.
• Require your kids to obey. Our kids need to be practicing submission to parents now so they can submit to God later (my son came up with this one).
• Model your own submission to God in your prayers and decisions.
• Depend on the Holy Spirit yourself to guide your actions, your ethics and your small daily choices. Tell your kids how he changed you or answered prayer by letting Him lead.

It’s not an easy change to make, giving up control of our lives to the Holy Spirit. There’s a reason the Bible uses phrases like “die to yourselves” and “crucify the flesh”. Giving up our own desires or habits, or leaving something comfortable, can feel like a part of us is dying. But if we submit to Him, it’s never as painful as we fear, because the Holy Spirit changes us from the inside out, and His desires eventually become our desires. It is unlikely our kids are going to walk a life of submissive service to the King, depending each day upon the Holy Spirit, unless we are parents learn to do the same and model it for them.

Being a parent is hard. We face the task of raising little ones, pre-teens or young adults – or all three in my case! We search for answers to this problem or that. We long for encouragement in our parenting.

But sometimes we can lean so far trying to fix. We can also spend so much time searching for strategies that we forget to savor being a parent.

Being a parent is hard. Yes it is. But being a parent is also a privilege. So just how do we savor that privilege? Well, often we forget the very basic, Biblical answer to it all.

What if the answer to everything was a simple thank you?

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 NIV

 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 MSG

1. Rejoice always

This might be a tough one. But surely you can find something to rejoice over every day? A lost tooth, an extra measure of kindness, diligence in school work or finding the long-lost library book. We use the You Are Special Plate as a tool to help us rejoice in the day.

Everyone gets a turn with the special plate. Often we rotate through the family based on age. Even Mama and Daddy get a turn!

Whoever has the special plate at supper gets to lead us in the blessing. Then at some point during the meal, when tummies are about full, we ask the question. “What do you appreciate about ___________?”

One said, “I appreciate her because she plays great Barbie stories.” Another, “I like how she plays outside with me and bird watches with me.” Daddy said, “I appreciate how she’s made an extra effort to keep her room clean this week!” Youngest girl said, “I appreciate her because she is a sweet sister.”

The You Are Special Plate is a practical tool we use to encourage each other, rejoice always and practice Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to use in edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

2. Pray Continually

As a young mother, I thought I was supposed to get off in my little corner and have my quiet time. More and more that became a hard thing to do. I didn’t quite understand how I was supposed to pray without ceasing.

I imagined myself, face down, in the middle of the floor trying to pray and acting oblivious to children running all around me, hollering, “Mama!” “Ma…ma!” Me, answering, “Quiet now children, I’m praying.”

The Lord has gently taught me that prayer should be the foundation of our day. Not a separate practice, always apart from the children. Though there certainly is a time for formal prayer, the praying habit is to be passed on. It’s a way of life.

I once heard prayer compared to breathing. Breathe out… send a prayer up… Breathe in…soak up His wisdom, give thanks. It’s a conversation. It’s easy. Something you don’t even have to put effort into.

Pray without ceasing I Thessalonians 5:17

Guess what? I’ve found freedom in praying out loud while driving my homeschool bus to activities. “Lord, help us to be safe. Help children to obey. Help us to be polite and have a good time.”

Yes, I enjoy quiet time before the children wake. But the children should also catch me with my Bible when they come down the steps, all sleepy-eyed, in the morning. “Here, child, bring that warm blanket and snuggle with me. Let’s have some quiet time with Jesus.”

Other practical prayers as you go about your day:

• When      you hear a siren, stop and pray with the children. Pray not only for those      that might be hurting but also for those that are responding to the      emergency. Pray for healing. Siren prayers usually prompt us to pray for      others we know with urgent needs.
• When      that airplane flies overhead pray, “God, please bless the people in the      airplane.” My mother taught us this simple prayer.
• Can’t      find something? Pray. The simple act of stopping and praying for wisdom      helps calm everybody down. “Mama, shouldn’t we pray?” my daughter reminds.      We do. And then I find my keys.

Simple, anytime prayers:

• “Help!”
• “Please      give me wisdom!”
• “Allow      me to show love”

Just pray. All day.

 4. Give Thanks in All Circumstances

The Every Day

For several years now I have been counting gifts following Ann Voskamp’s suggestion. Counting every day gifts all around me as Ann has modeled in her writing via her website http://www.aholyexperience.com/ and her book, One Thousand Gifts.

Here’s an example of a recent thank you list. “Pirates of the Caribbean heard from the piano, a Middle Girl-made cake, Steve home just a little early, good meds for round two of strep, PG Tips tea, Nerf darts littering the floor…these are a few of my favorite things” #1000gifts

Then, when I spy a mound of laundry needing folding, I try to be thankful that it’s already clean. Say thank you for each and every one of those that wear those piled up clothes. Next, I turn to the sink following supper and I recall this poem:

 Thank God For Dirty Dishes

Author Unknown

Thank God for dirty dishes;
They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry,
We’re eating very well
With home, health, and happiness,
I shouldn’t want to fuss;
By the stack of evidence,

God’s been very good to us.

 What about when you are feeling defeated. When you want to quit?

…give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

It’s His will. Why do you think?

Yes. Thank you God for that argument. Thank you God for that bad attitude. Thank you God for this hard time. This financial hardship – it’s too much Lord! Thank you that this situation is absolutely more than I can bear. I thank you…because it reminds me to ask for wisdom. To pray about this circumstance.

Saying thank you reminds me that You are in control. You are taking care of it. Giving thanks right there in the midst of the no good, very bad day turns your focus to Him.

The obedient step of saying thanks breaks the tension, relieves stress. Maybe instead of counting to 10 we should pray while we count to 10?

Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

 For the Lord is great and greatly to be praised. Psalm 96:4

 I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. Ephesians 3:17 

Rejoice. Pray. Give thanks. That’s how to savor being a parent.

Next Week’s Author: