What a privilege parenting is! How thankful I am to be a mother of three and soon to be four as we look forward to the adoption of an older child through the foster care system. In my parenting I find that a constant struggle for me personally is what I am and am not involved in activity wise. As you may find yourself, I currently am juggling many things and absolutely all of them are worthwhile, good, biblical tasks. Whether it be caring for my children or my home, working part-time or ministry, I am involved in many noble activities.

So, here is the rub. A week ago one of my daughters was in need of my help with school work. I sat next to her trying to study a book that I was considering for our next ladies study at church. Internally, I found myself irritated with her interruptions. I really needed to be responsible and was behind with the deadline I gave myself for making this decision on a book. I did not make it difficult on others by deferring this task any longer. The Spirit quickly prompted me that I was distracted from my first obligation to Him. My child. I am the only mother of this precious girl. No one else is tasked with her care other than her father and I.

I was doing something of great value by studying this book. I didn’t have the right priority at that time. That was clearly confirmed by the look on her face and the apology from her for “bothering” me. She was not angry nor frustrated just saddened that I was not carrying this load with her.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you REST.  Take MY yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and
you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The example My Heavenly Father has set for me is one who is always available. Nothing keeps His eye off of me!

And when I am doing His work in His strength and in His timing, He gives me the will and the desire to do what He has for me. Phil 2:12-13; Ephesians 2:10.

I chose that night to put down the book and help my girl with her burden. She was lightened of a load and delighted in my focus on her and her needs. That’s what my Dear Lord does
for me!

There will always be great opportunities to work for the Lord clothed in many different forms and all will be good….not all are mine. I prayerfully chose to take off my to do list some items that I had given priority that the Lord did not. They were all good but not all mine.  This is not for the purpose of spending the time on my pleasures but to have time built in to even communicate with the Lord throughout my day and to focus on Him and His purposes for me; for resting in Him.

In her book “Becoming a Woman of Simplicity”, Cynthia Heald shares some quotes on the matter. “They travel light whom God’s grace carries.”, Thomas Kemp. “The key to knowing what I should be doing  is my being yoked to Christ. It is in walking daily with Him that I can hear His voice. The question is whether or not I will listen to what He is asking me to do or not to do.”, Cynthia Heald. Lastly, she quotes from the book, “Tyranny of the Urgent”, “The need itself is not the call; the call must come from the God who knows our limitations….It is not God who loads us until we crack or bend……These come from our inner compulsions coupled with the pressures of circumstances.”.

So here my focus lies, “This is your line of service- to see that there is nothing between Jesus and yourself.”, Oswald Chambers.

Next Week’s Author: Wendy Clark

Every night it was the same exhausting song and dance. I’d stand over them, half-dressed and goofing off, and chide them to finish getting ready for bed. They’d maybe get a bit further with donning their PJ’s (or not) – and them, same thing. I’d be prodding them again toward teeth-brushing and the rest of the rigamarole. Oh, they got it all right, my 4- and 6-year olds. They knew what to do, how to do it, that they need to get it done. They were just unmotivated, inefficient, forgetful.

Beyond the repetition, my annoyance stemmed from hands full with the two babies (2 months and 2 years), the ones who really couldn’t do it by themselves. And my grace and patience had inevitably waned thin by 6:45 as we’d enact the nightly ritual.

The old saying, “God helps those who help themselves” isn’t the Bible, and it isn’t (in many ways) true. God’s pretty much all about helping us, we who literally can’t (because of sin and its effects) help ourselves. He’s the strong, capable, willing Helper of all who come to him and ask. That’s why Jesus came and died.

But even so, we are supposed to honor God with our lives and work, doing our best with the life He gave us. Be diligent. Steward our gifts and talents. “Carry our own load” in our daily tasks as we walk through life.  We’re to work wholeheartedly as if we were doing it for God Himself. And the way I see it, the earlier and more thoroughly everyone learns these lessons, the better.

I love this Proverb, which boils the concept of hard work to the thumbnailversion: “Slack habits and sloppy work are as bad as vandalism.” (18:9, The Message)

That kind of gets to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it?  Imagine how upset you’d be if you found out your kid was responsible for a huge, hideous swath of graffiti on the local highway bridge. No run-of-the-mill misbehavior there – vandalism’s kind of a big one. And here’s the writer of Proverbs saying that laziness and a poor work ethic are just as serious as that kind of activity.

Bottom line: an industrious spirit is important – for us and for our families. And instilling good work habits in our children matters. It’s no use pushing it off, making excuses for them because of their age, or doing the work yourself because it goes faster and gets done better that way (which it does).  Another proverb says that “diligent hands will rule,” and if we want those hands to be our kids’, we have to do the work of cultivating that diligence as they grow.

When I stepped back from the inefficient-evening-routine we’d fallen into, it was pretty obvious that we had a boundaries problem where I was bearing the consequences of my children’s poor work habits instead of them. That needed to change. I was failing them by not holding them to a high enough standard of work. This failure was hurting both them and myself – them by allowing sloppy work (and the character problems Proverbs implies), and me because of the frustration and lost time it caused me.

There are probably a hundred tools out there a mom can choose from to facilitate chores and daily tasks for kids, if she’s ready to make a change (as I was). I picked the Accountable Kids program, with which I’ve been pretty happy; today we’re gobs better about evening routine, and chores in general, that we used to be. The specific program is less important than the motivation and the consistency to implement it. Because the point isn’t bootcamp or a graceless, rigid environment – we’re not talking child labor here. We’re talking helpful children regularly performing age-appropriate tasks they know how to do. The point is a teamwork atmosphere where everyone – parents and kids alike – internalize the reality that family members are responsible for attending to their own tasks; that we each carry our own load. And ultimately (and this part requires more time, likely years, to really get) we do so willingly, to the glory of Jesus and for His honor.

So here’s to the opposite of “slack habits and sloppy work” in your household and in mine!

Next Week’s Author:  Jeanine Cook

Last November, our family entered into a time of trial like none we had ever been through before.  Our eldest daughter, age 18, was in a serious accident and sustained life-threatening injuries and multiple broken bones.  She was in the hospital 24 days (9 of those in ICU), and is still going through outpatient rehabilitation.  My faith was tested, for sure.  What did I learn from it?

1.  God is good.  No matter what.  Early on, a good friend, who had experienced the tragic loss of her growing baby in the womb, told me that.  She said, “Say it often. Even if it takes your heart awhile to catch up with your head, it will.” 

2.  The foundation must be laid before the trial. “Seek the LORD while he may be found.”  (Isaiah 55:5)

I became a Christian when I was 18 years old. The years since have been marked by growth… praying, reading His Word, spending time with other believers, and learning to trust Him during smaller trials.  Though I have certainly not done everything right, I have learned that God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and ever-present.  He loves us with an everlasting love.  Knowing that ahead of time made it easier to trust Him and lean on Him, especially during those first few days in ICU.

3.  Prayer is powerful

Our daughter had wonderful doctors, and was at one of the top 50 hospitals in the country.  Yet I knew all along it was God Who would ultimately heal her if He so chose (I believed He would and that He has a special plan for her future).  We prayed, and were prayed for, more during those first couple weeks than we had in the past couple years.  It was wonderful to welcome people into our room…some whom we had not known before but came from local churches… to lay their hands on our daughter, and on us, and lift us up to the throne of Heaven.  What comfort to know so many people, in our hospital, in the town, and across the country, were praying for our child!  So many victories occurred as a result of those prayers.

4.  If someone offers something, take it without question or apology.

I am usually the one who wants to be the giver, not the receiver.  Yet God had me and my husband in a position of just that… receivers.  “You want to bring us lunch?  Coffee?  Magazines?  Money?”  We learned to just say “thank you,” and not argue with the people who so desperately wanted to be God’s hands and feet to us!  I learned to speak up… “Yes, with cream and 2 sugars,” or “Yes, please… chapstick and a case of bottled water.”  You’re not burdening those people…they want to help!  And they want to know what you really need…so tell them!

5.  Be respectful and thankful to hospital personnel, rescue workers, administrators, and anyone else you come in contact with.  It is the right thing to do and way I was raised.  You will also get a lot farther with people by treating them right!  By God’s grace, I was even polite to the lady in the hospital restroom who made a comment about my daughter’s accident that seemed, to me, insensitive.  Let your words be kind and your tone smooth… say “please,” and “thank you,” with a smile.  It helps you feel better.

6.  Focus on the positives.

This started as soon as we found out our daughter had no spinal cord injury or brain damage.  “Whew.” we breathed, “Ok, let’s get going on dealing with the rest.”  No looking back, no regrets… just focusing on what is good and where we are going. 

“I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)

7.  Realize there are good times tucked inside your trial. 

(A merry heart does good, like medicine,”  Proverbs 17:22)  A turning point in our daughter’s ICU stay was the day we received cards from her old youth group.  One boy’s card, in particular, struck us funny and we had the first good laugh since her accident.  How good that felt!  Later, friends came to visit and brought more laughter and music with them.  A good friend of mine drove a long distance to bring her a tiara and crown her “The Warrior Princess,” symbolizing her strength and grace through recovery.  We met many people and made many new friends.  The three of us… my husband, my daughter, and I… had so much time just to sit and enjoy being together.

8.  Remember your spouse. 

At first, my husband and I were content to just sit across from each other in the quiet ICU room in our recliners.  When our daughter was doing better, and on a day she had a friend to stay with her, we left the hospital to have coffee and do a little Christmas shopping.  Since she was out of danger, I felt the need for some alone time with my husband.  It was just “the two of us” before we had children, and it will be again when they have all grown up.  I choose to invest in this relationship, even when times are hard. 

9.  Rest whenever possible. 

I had a hard time with this, and was often tired.  So many caring people came by the room all day long, and I was the one to welcome and talk to them.  It was exhausting!  I should have slept more.  One thing I did right was to write a daily post, so far away friends and family could be updated without having to call or text me.  I love them…but I couldn’t possibly talk to everyone, everyday.

10.  There will be setbacks and frustrations. 

When our daughter got out of the first hospital and was sent to another one for rehab, we thought we were on the downhill slide.  But the first day in rehab, we were hit with a surprise… another severely broken bone (in her elbow) that had been entirely missed.  I even argued with the rehab doctor as he, a fresh set of eyes looking at her x-rays for the first time, showed me the breaks.  I told the nurse he was seeing something that wasn’t there.  Alas, it was there, and explained her intense pain when lifting her arm, even after the wrist surgery supposedly had corrected everything.  Following more than a week in rehab, she had to be readmitted to the first hospital for yet another surgery and a 3-day stay.  Talk about discouraging!  But God knew of this broken bone all along.  Nothing surprises Him, and He reminds us to give it all to Him:

 ^“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 4:6-7).

Some of these things I learned by NOT doing the right thing… not trusting God completely, worrying about the “what ifs,” or getting frustrated at something or someone.  The one thing I have taken away from this, however, is that God is a God of grace, and He loves me regardless of whether or not I do everything correctly.  He is worthy to be trusted when I can’t see the outcome, to be praised when I am feeling down, and to be called “Abba, Father,” for my every need.

As the movie moves towards its climax, the subterranean alien, who can also share thoughts with people that he touches, begins wreaking havoc on the town, creating a series of underground tunnels and seeking vengeance on the people who kept him imprisoned. In the midst of this we see this picture of Joe: a boy who, in spite of the traumatic loss of his mother, is at peace and brave. He begins to take an interest in Alice, the daughter of the town drunk, who is also misunderstood. In a significant scene, Alice and Joe are watching home movies of Joe’s mother, and he says these words: “She used to look at me… this way, like really look… and I just knew I was there… that I existed.” Joe’s mother didn’t just look at him; she looked at him, understood him, made him feel like he was someone.

Fast forward to the climax of the movie: Alice has been taken by the monster into his underground cave, and Joe descends into the earth to rescue her, but in escaping he is picked up by comes face to face with the monster. This is the climax of the movie: the juxtaposition of a highly intelligent and extremely bitter and enraged extraterrestrial, and the middle school son of a single dad, who has had his share of tragedy. But in this moment of near-certain death, Joe is not afraid; instead, he says this: “Bad things happen. But you can still live.” In that moment, the movie’s tension is resolved: the alien is understood. And in that moment, the alien opens his eyes and looks at Joe, just as his mother did.

Why recount this film? Because to me, it demonstrates the power of acceptance and affirmation. In my interactions with my students, I feel that I am often guilty of looking at them but not seeing them, hearing them but not listening to them, being around them but not present to them. I found Joe’s description of his mother’s love so striking: “She used to look at me… this way, like really look… and I just knew I was there… that I existed.” In our distraction-diseased and multitask-happy culture, I fear that our children suffer when the adults meant to care for them most look through them at best, and ignore them at worst. How many daughters I’ve seen looking for attention in the wrong places because they’ve been treated as though they don’t exist, how many sons trapped in laziness and unmotivation because of the lack of adults who acknowledged them, saw them, and affirmed them.

Here’s a question we must answer: do the children that we interact feel like we treat them as if they don’t matter? Do we acknowledge them in such a way that they feel listened to and understood? Do we turn off our phones and screens so that we can look at them, really look at them, and affirm that we love them at the essence of who they are? We have a God who looked at us and loved us, which he demonstrated in sending His Son – we ought to love others, and especially our children in the same way, because we have been called to love as we have been loved. Not only this, but to be acknowledged, known, and affirmed is to be loved. What needs to change for us to not just look at the children that God has called us to love, but to look at them? Only you and I can answer that question.

In this post-Christmas season where the miracle of Jesus’ birth may no longer be a focus for many, I cannot help but ponder the amazing miracles God has done in my own life and the lives of some of those closest to me.
My youngest is about to turn three years old.  She is what God did after seven years of infertility, numerous medical procedures, hope, heartache and two lost foster children.  Doctors finally told us that we could not conceive a child, but God heard my prayers and knew my heart and nothing is impossible with Him.  My inconceivable child is a happy, healthy, beautiful little girl who brings great joy to her family every day!
My second youngest is about to be officially adopted.  He is one of the foster babies lost before my youngest was born.  He was taken from our care and put back into the very unsafe and unhealthy lives of his biological parents for six months.  Just when I had accepted that I would never see him again, God brought him back to us for good.  It has been a tremendous struggle making it official, but God has had it under control all along.  This little boy was born premature, addicted and with major heart and lung problems.  Now he plays sports, teases his little sister, runs everywhere, and most importantly loves Jesus and his Bible at just three years old!
My oldest niece shares her birthday with my youngest daughter, only she will be turning nineteen.  Just two months ago she fell 100 feet to the ground off of a train trestle to avoid an oncoming train.  She should have died, but God has bigger plans for her life.  She spent Thanksgiving in ICU with broken bones and internal injuries.  Today she is in her second week back at college and just had the final braces removed from her body!
Life gets hard, tedious, repetitious, even just plain sad at times.  But I think we all have miracles in our lives if we just take a few moments to reflect and rejoice and remember, “Nothing is impossible with God!”

Next Week’s Author: Kim Ashbaugh

Summary

Some children have the ability to suck the energy right out of family life. These children are demanding of your time, need a lot of correction, and seem to be magnets for conflict. They’re often emotionally explosive but almost always drain energy out of parents and other family members. The solution is to teach your children about honor. Honor contains the
idea of doing more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it, and solving problems instead of leaving them for others. In this article we’ll show you how to teach it to your kids in fun ways.

Article Content

Some children have the ability to suck the energy right out of family life. These children are demanding of your time, need a lot of correction, and seem to be magnets for conflict. They’re often emotionally explosive but almost always drain energy out of parents and other family members. Unfortunately then, these children develop a negative view of
themselves based on the high amount of negative feedback they receive.

One solution is to teach them to add energy back into family life. The term “honor” describes the process of thinking of others above yourself. Honor is important in a family. God commands honor to be practiced at home. Ephesians 6:2-3 says, “ ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ “ Those verses teach that honor learned at home has ramifications for life. In fact, we would say that God has hidden within honor the secret ingredients people need to be successful.

Honor has rich meaning for parents and children. It can give direction in many of the frustrating moments you experience. In fact, every form of selfishness has an honor-based  solution.

Honor means to treat people as special, do more than what’s expected, and have a good attitude. Feel free to use this definition or make up your own. The point is that honor changes the way that parents relate to their children, the way children relate to each other, and the way children relate to their parents. Obedience gets the job done, but honor addresses the way people relate in that process.

If Jack gets people riled up each afternoon before dinner, set an appointment with him at 4:00 pm for several days in a row and ask him to look for three things he can do to add to family life. He may decorate the dinner table, encourage his brother, or prepare something nice for Dad’s arrival home.

If Jack continually antagonizes his sister, you might tell him that he needs to think of three honoring things to do for her before he’s free to play. Remember, don’t tell him exactly what he needs to do. If you decide what Jack needs to do and tell him to do it, that’s obedience. When Jack chooses, that’s honor. Honor treats people as special and does more than what’s
expected. Jack needs to learn how to add energy to family life instead of taking it away.

Honor requires initiative by adding something extra or doing something that needs to be done. Many children wait for others to tell them to do something. Furthermore, it’s hard to teach kids to take initiative because the very act of telling them seems to take the initiative away. That’s why you may require your child to do something but not tell him what to do.  You want to help him to start seeing a need or solving a problem for himself.

Honor also contains the idea of doing more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it, and solving problems instead of leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:

If it’s broken, fix it.

If it’s empty, fill it up.

If it’s open, shut it.

If it’s out, put it away.

If it’s messy, clean it up.

If you can’t, then report it.

That’s honor.

Honor means that everyone contributes to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, and then report back to you.

These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.

People tend to take for granted those they’re closest to. It was Jesus who said, “Only in their own towns, among their relatives and in their own homes is a prophet without honor.”  (Mark 6:4) The family can be a place where people take each other for granted. Learning honor is just the solution kids need. Hidden within honor are the secret ingredients that make
people more productive in relationships.

You’re already honoring your kids in a number of ways although you might not be using the term. Now you might say to your daughter, “I went shopping today and I bought your favorite ice cream. I just wanted to honor you.” Then later you can use the same word to describe how you’d like your daughter to treat you with a better attitude when you give her an
instruction.

One way parents can teach children honor is to include it in the instruction process. You might say to your child, “I’d like you to obey me by setting the table, then I want you to think of something extra to do to surprise me. That’s showing honor. You choose; it’s up to you. Report to me when you’re done and I’ll check your work.”

You can use the concept of honor in correction or when things are going well. You can use it when you teach your children about money, time, and other resources and you can teach it when conflict comes around. One way to teach honor is on special occasions when someone wins a contest or earns a certificate. You may show honor by giving that person a fancy place at the table or by decorating his or her bedroom door.

Honor is fun. It’s like oil in a machine. It gets work done with less friction and less heat. Every family needs honor. It’s great when things are going well and essential when family relationships are strained. Work on it whether your kids are preschoolers or teens. It’ll change the way your family relates.

Next Week’s Author: Jaime DeCarlo

Author: Tyler Robbins

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. – Joshua 1:8

If you’re anything like me, this is the time of the year you’re already faced with failure of your New Year’s Resolutions. Stumbling out of the gates in your goal to exercise more, eat less, and be consistent with daily time with God. Some people like to spend late December telling everyone their resolutions, presumably putting the pressure on themselves to maintain through accountability. I always preferred to tell no one and fail silently!

For years it’s been a goal of mine to spend every day in God’s word, but before last year that desire was never strong enough to overcome the pull of my daily pressures and diversions. Something always came up, which is another way of saying I continued to choose other things as more important. Reading the Bible consistenly is difficult – What did I last read? Where did I leave off last? And where is my Bible?

Last year, heading into 2011 a friend turned me on to something that gave me some new hope – Daily Audio Bible. Knowing my schedule, amount of time I’m in the car, and the fact that my Smartphone is ever-present with me, I decided to turn to this ministry which was started by a guy named Brian Hardin. He has been reading through the entire Bible every year for 6 years now and posting it online for us to listen to. He makes it available through a podcast, through an iPhone or Android app, or directly on the website. Every day you get a bit of Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs as you work your way through the entire Bible. The ministry has grown to include a Daily Audio Bible for kids, and for adults in multiple other languages.

Brian claimed at the beginning of the year that if you went through this journey with him it would be life changing. That was certainly true for me, but not for the reasons I expected. I hoped that having someone read it to me would make the Bible come alive on a daily basis. Some days it really did, but not most days. I hoped that I would leave each daily reading deeply enriched spiritually; satisfied that God had spoken to me. Some days I felt like He really did, but not every day. I hoped that I would daily ponder the truth and wisdom of God’s word, but most days when it was done I quickly moved on with the pressures of life.

But something else happened that I didn’t expect. I stuck with it. I stayed with God’s word and kept it close to me. I decided to make it a part of my life. I checked in with God every day and I give Him a chance to speak to me. I went in looking for a daily mountain-top experience, and instead got a daily refreshing cup of coffee with the Creator of the Universe.

That last paragraph had a lot of I’s in it for a reason. While the Holy Spirit ultimately is the transformer of our life, I have a part, we have a part – we have to push other things out and let Him in. We have to actively crowd out the distractions of this live to make time for Christ. We need to choose Him over this world. By doing so you make space for a relationship with the Creator of the Universe, and day by day you forge a deeper connection with Him. Hopefully you’ve done that in a major way at some point in your life, but more importantly hopefully you’re doing that continually every single day of your life.

The other thing I discovered as I went along is that spending daily time listening to his Word kept bringing me back to God’s center on a daily basis. Each day away from God’s word we drift unnoticeably away from Him. You might not see it for days at a time, but left unchecked for weeks or months you will find your thoughts and actions further and further away from Him. I came to see two of my morning rituals similarly – I would step on the scale to check my weight, and spend time listening to His Word to check my spirit. Each would allow me to measure myself on a daily basis and do minor course corrections.

We all know how hard habits are to form, and the older we are the harder they get. One of the gifts we can give our children is helping them to instill a habit of daily time with God. This can start young, even before they can read, spending daily time talking about God and praying with them. As they get older, it’s really important to ensure our kids have a daily time with God before they move on to all the other activities. I knew of one friend that would not let his kids watch any TV or computer/phone each day until they had first done their quiet time.

If you’re not in the habit of being in God’s work daily, maybe the Daily Audio Bible will help you like it helped me. Even if we don’t get through the Bible in a year, spending daily time with God helps us to be an example to our kids as we encourage them to do the same. And even if we haven’t mastered that discipline ourselves yet, we should make it a goal of ours to impart to our kids a habit of spending time daily with God and His Word.

Other Resources:
Customized Daily Reading Plan: http://www.biblegateway.com/resources/readingplans/

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)

THE COMPETITION IS NOT THE GOAL. TRANSFORMATION IS. After the lunch break for our training, we broke up by problem – there are five different problems that kids could tackle, ranging from designing a vehicle that will navigate a course and display emotions, to a drama called “Odyssey Angels.” My group of guys had chosen to tackle the problem of building a structure out of tiny pieces of balsa wood ( the entire structure must weigh less than two nickels!), so I went to the fairly large group of people whose groups were tackling the same problem, and the instructor began to go into detail about how we encourage our students to tackle the problem.

One of the problems that invariably arises in every competition is the number of projects that were clearly NOT done by the students themselves. And when the judges ask, “Hey, who made this?”, the answer is often, “Well, my dad did.” Numerous groups show up every year with projects designed, constructed, and conceived by parents, not students. The instructor, lamenting this fact, then said this. “The goal of this organization is not to win a competition. It is to become a certain kind of person.”  This kind of thing goes against the spirit of the organization, because their goal is not to get kids to win a competition; it is to get them to think for themselves.

I think that we who desire to see our children grow into mature disciples of Jesus would do well to heed this lesson: when we emphasize performing over becoming, we trade long-term growth for short-term success. We live in a culture that equates performance with identity and worth: meeting goals, winning comptetitions, earning acclaim, beating out others to be the best. You don’t have to look far (the sidelines of a elementary-age soccer league game, or the stands of a little league baseball game) to see that we as adults are sending this message, whether we realize it or not: winning is what matters. I fight against this tendency in my youth ministry: I could (and often do) fall into thinking that if I could just get a bunch of kids here, and get them to jump through my behavioral hoops, then I will be “winning.” Unfortunately, what research is showing is that youth ministries are being very “successful” in that regard, yet are failing in what really matters: making lifelong disciples. Kids are performing, but they’re not becoming.

I think that this is the question that we need to ask ourselves – is our focusing is growing our children performing or becoming? If we fall into the trap of emphasizing “the hoops”: a good GPA, a bunch of extracurriculars, a nice obedient exterior, perfect youth group attendance, we nurture a worldview in our children that prizes competition over transformation, prioritizes making adults happy over becoming the person God intends them to be. The accolades of competition do not last; transformation does. We need to ask ourselves this question: are my short-terms goals for my kids crippling them for a life of adult discipleship? Is their time so filled with performance that formation is taking a back seat? We gravitate toward short-term goals because they make us feel effective in the moment, and in truth (at least for me) they satisfy our own need to feel validated and effective. But the fruit that lasts is the fruit that takes the longest to grow; if this is the fruit that we hope and pray will be borne in the lives of our children, we must take the long view first, and allow our daily nurturing by informed by vision of them walking out a life with God for the long haul. Which view will we choose? Only we can answer that question.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER:

- What messages am I sending with the way I urge my child to spend their time: am I emphasizing performance or formation?

- Are my short-term goals for my child informed by the “long view” of a lifetime walking with God, or do they spring from my own insecurities, misconceptions, or fears?

- What can change practically this week in my interactions with my children to put the priority on formation, not performance?

I recognized the cough. The bark that comes in the night after tucking in.

So the youngest girl and I went out in the cold, night air. Cold air to battle the croup. We snuggled on the front step and awed at the full moon. We decided that this was a treat.

Once her breathing had steadied, we went back inside. Daddy had the cool mist humidifier all set up.

“Come, sweet girl,” I said. “The most important thing you need is sleep.”

There was a poignant pause on the step. She turned. And though her voice was raspy her message was strong. “No,” she said. “The most important thing I need is God.”

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God. Psalm 42:1

This new year of parenting, let us need God. Let God be the most important need. Let us turn immediately to Him for the wisdom we need in parenting. Let us ask Him first.

Turn to His parenting book. Rest in His Word.

Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: “It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God’s mouth.” Matthew 4:4

Next week’s Author: Tyler Robbins

I believe one of the best ways to help your children remember the Bible is to have them tell you the story.  For centuries the Bible was an oral tradition for the people of Israel.  They would tell stories from generation to generation.  When you tell a story it becomes less about memorization and more about accuracy of the story itself.   It also opens doors for dramatization and other fun ways of sharing stories.  Your older children will enjoy sharing the stories with their siblings, and you will enjoy the moments you create.
At Christmas we like to have the children share the stories, and on Christmas Day we have a dramatic presentation of the story.  It is important to look at it as creating a memory with your children, and impressing the truth on their hearts.  When the Bible is made memorable it is also made memorize -able.  It is a form of Christian multitasking.  It is also fun as a couple to talk about building memories around the Bible, you are training them up in the way God would want you to. �
Age appropriate training can even apply to building memories.  With a child 0-3 it is about you sharing the story with them, think about where you do it, sit in front of a fireplace, have a special place.  From 3-6 work on the simple story line, have them tell you the story and make sure they have the main points of the story, dramatization of the story is exciting for them, and it will create some laughable moments for you.  When they get to be 7-12 the “why” of the story should be understood and more detail should be given by your child.  Ask them to repeat the story and ask questions about “why” God put it in the Bible.  You will never be fully prepared to answer all their questions, but that is ok too, you can find answers together as a family.  At age 13-18 it should become their story, their belief, and their memory.  Have them learn to share it with their siblings.  Let them lead a devotional time.  Maybe coordinate a drama.  After others have shared the story have them fill in any missing parts.  At this age you are giving them tools that will last a lifetime.
Creating memories around the Bible has a fun way of impressing on the heart and not just the head, but in the end you can accomplish both.  One way to do this is pull a verse out of the story for the family to memorize together.  The most powerful truth in your life is the one God is revealing to you today.  One problem is that we are too forgetful; we forget the stuff we should remember, and remember things we should forget.  Remember, the truth turned into a memory is an ever present memory in the storehouse of the mind; it also is an eternal truth that will not fade away.  Have fun building eternal memories in the hearts and minds of your children this Christmastide.

Next Week’s Author:  Tricia Hodges