Too Much Stuff

Author: Jaime DeCarlo
Jaime is a proud mommy of several children, all who have come to her in ways she never would have imagined! Angela is her 23-year-old, married step-daughter, Shelly (17) and Kenneth Jr. (15) are her husband’s biological and her adopted children of 9 years, Emmalyn is her miracle baby of 1 year that was never supposed to be and Logan is her almost 2 year old foster-baby that has come and gone for the past 20 months!


As I am reminded of my turn to write for PPP, I regretfully realize I have forgotten another thing to do! “What is wrong with my mind?, I ask myself, feeling foolish!
I am typically a very organized person who is usually on time and honors commitments, but lately it’s been crazy around here! As I look at my “clutter table”, that’s been called so since Christmas, push around piles of magazines and unread ads and sort through hundreds of baby toys all over the house all day, I begin to realize part of the problem: we have TOO MUCH STUFF!

Lately I have noticed that the more family members, the more stuff you accumulate. Makes sense, but also makes for so much more to do each day and can easily become very overwhelming! I have been trying to have my teenagers go through all their closets and drawers more lately and it’s just amazing to see what comes out of their rooms! My son just cleaned out his toy box and he is sixteen years old! He had old shoes, soda cans, notebooks, candy, etc., unbelievable right, until I take inventory of my quite large walk-in closet where there is also old clothes, candy, and things like tape recorders, come on!!!

So, while my post may not seem extremely Biblical or parent-related, here’s how I see it. First of all, as Christians, we all know that we can’t take any of this stuff with us when we are gone, so having too much or being too tied to old stuff for sentimentality is really useless for the most part. Secondly, if I had less stuff to sort though, organize and clean, I would have more time to play with my babies and listen to my teenagers.

I am trying to give things away at every opportunity: to the library, Cancer Society, Good Will, Salvation Army, coat drives, even canned food drives! It feels so good to give and I never really miss it or wish I had it back! Also I am reminding myself that it’s not a sin to throw away that broken VCR or those worn out shoes from college sitting in the back of the closet. It feels good to get organized and frees me up to be a better, more patient mommy as well!

Next week's author: Wendy Clark

Manners

Author: Kim Ashbaugh
Kim Ashbaugh is formerly an elementary school teacher and presently a homeschool mom of three daughters ages 16, 13 and 10. Her family has lived in Florida, California, and presently resides in Georgia. She loves chocolate, old movies, Jane Austen novels, and almost anything "old-fashioned." She appreciates modern technology but longs for the simpler days. Her highest priority after God is her husband and children, and after that she loves to minister to young moms


One day recently, as I was walking into a large retail store, a boy around age 9 held the door open for me. I thanked him as he looked at me proudly, knowing he had done the right thing (obviously taught by his parents or guardians to do so). Another day, my three daughters and I walked into a dentist’s office, signed in, and turned to face a crowded waiting room. Not one chair was available. As we made our way across the room to stand by the wall, several young men and boys, most with their mothers, looked right at us. Not one of them stood to offer us his seat. Worse, not one of the mothers encouraged her son to do so. These two events occurred within months of each other and in the same county. What was the difference between the first boy’s motivation to open the door and the second group’s complete indifference to offer their seats? I believe it was instruction in manners.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, manners are “social behavior with respect to standards; correct social behavior.” There was a time in our society when a man, young or old, would never have sat in a room when women were standing. Children were taught manners as readily as they were taught to read. Somewhere in the development of our wonderful nation, some of this has been forgotten. We focus on advanced education (a good thing), but neglect something as practical and straightforward as good manners. We cheer our children as they make goals, homeruns, and touchdowns, but neglect to encourage them to show preference to others.

One character trait of successful people is that they usually display excellent manners. Imagine a politician who belches loudly at a state dinner, or a businesswoman who is 30 minutes late to a meeting she called. It makes sense that good manners are a part of a successful life, whether that success is in business, politics, or one’s own family relationships.

What does it mean to have good manners? Having good manners simply means being thoughtful and putting others ahead of self. Jesus demonstrated this principle throughout the New Testament (the ultimate example being His death on the cross), and encouraged such behavior among his followers. When you practice good manners, you get the added benefit of an uplifted mood, whether from seeing the smile or hearing the “thank you” of the other person, or just knowing you made his day a little brighter. You also become the “salt and light” that Jesus talked about in Matthew 5:13-14, showing His love to the world.

How can we practice good manners? Maybe yours are also a little rusty (I have been known to leave my grocery cart in places other than the designated cart-return, interrupt my friends when they are talking to me, and fail to rsvp--just to name a few). Begin by making a list of three principles of good manners you would like to change, and work on them. (Example: I will put my cart in the cart return, I will let someone finish her sentence before responding, and I will call or e-mail the person whose party I just received an invitation to.) Your practice of good manners will be an example to your children, and they will follow suit.

Recently I observed my eldest daughter as she was making a purchase in a store. The clerk said the usual, “Hi, how are you?” and she responded “Good! How are you?” in the same warm, enthusiastic tone I usually use. My enthusiastic response to those who serve in our community is based on my own mother’s warm, friendly tone when dealing with people. A learned habit, it is a chain reaction that flows down through generations.

The following is a list of important practices that I consider good manners and have strived to teach my children (some I am still working on myself; others my children are still endeavoring to make into lifelong habits).

Table manners: chewing with mouth closed, saying “please” and “thank you,” keeping bodily functions private or at least saying “excuse me”, taking a reasonable portion of food, especially at potlucks and buffets
Other manners: being on time, letting the elderly or handicapped go first, boys giving up seats for ladies (or anyone for the elderly or handicapped), thinking before you speak, helping someone carrying a heavy load

These are just a few…I think it would be fun to see all your ideas in the comments section!

Book suggestion: George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, written by our first President when he was 14. Some of the selections apply to his time period only, some are still true today, and some are downright funny!

Next week's author: Jaime DeCarlo

Hurt hand necessitates a postponed PPP post

Sending this out again. My husband reminded me not just "moms" read PPP. :) Because I sent this out quickly there were a couple of errors. :)

Hello wonderful parents/grandparents.

My friend Jeannine injured her hand so that is why there is no PPP post this week. Next week Kim Ashbaugh will be writing an article.

I pray that all of you have a blessed week and that you're able to spend some wonderful, quality time with your children.

Who am I?

Author: Melanie Robbins

I am struggling as a parent right now. I knew it was my turn to write for PPP. With all that is going on I thought - 'who am I to share anything to try to encourage or help equip?' I didn’t know what I had to share so I thought I would share with you my heart and my struggles.

Parenting has definitely gotten a lot harder for me as the kids have gotten older. When they were younger it was more physically demanding with meeting their needs: feeding, changing their diapers, bathing etc., but now it is much more psychologically demanding. It came more naturally for me to love, nurture and care for their physical needs than it is now to make countless decisions regarding their training and disciplining (and now education) throughout the day.

My heart’s true desire is to “train them up in the way they should go,” and I know the principles behind this, but HOW to go about it is not as clear. My two children are different, they have different struggles and they respond differently. When they are not obeying, showing respect, or being kind with their words, how should I respond? What are the words or actions I should take? What if they continued to struggle with the same thing? How do I not just deal with their behavior, but reach their heart? When my children are not getting along, I need patience, wisdom and discernment when I respond.

Overall I have truly enjoyed and feel we have benefited as a family from homeschooling, but this past week has been difficult. I work hard to prepare for school and when my children question or argue or complain or show disrespect, I am discouraged and disheartened. When you add them not getting along on top of that, I have felt at my wit’s end. I have to keep in mind that we were just coming back from 2 weeks of vacation and Daddy was away on business, but I confess that I started doubting this week. I started wondering whether or not I could do a good job of parenting and teaching them. I questioned the job I had done thus far in training them and reaching their heart. I also started seeing more and more things in myself that needed changing.

As their psychological and emotional needs have increased and as my children have started acting up more, I have struggled more with being harsh and getting angry. I get exasperated and I believe that my children do as well. I worry how my sin will impact them. I know that I need to model for them what I want for them, what God desires for them. I want to be able to be patient, respond calmly and use wisdom no matter what the situation – it just doesn’t always happen. I am pleading and asking God to help me.

I continue to ask His forgiveness and ask for help and trust in these promises to name a few:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Cor. 12:9)

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Prov. 3:5-6)

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6)

Even though I am struggling as a parent, I know that God always loves me and my children and that He desires the best for us. Knowing this gives me comfort and confidence as I continue to strive with His help to be the parent He desires me to be.

Self-Control, aka Help your Kids Eat More Marshmallows

Author: Tyler Robbins
Tyler has been married to Mrs. PPP for 13 years, with son Nathan, 9 and daughter, Rachel, 8. In addition to serving as PPP technical support, Tyler works for an Internet company and serves as an Elder in New Harbor Community Church in Benicia, CA.

--------------------

I recently read a New Yorker article about a study conducted in the 60’s, in which they tested 4 year old children’s capacity for self-control. In the study, the child would be given a marshmallow and an offer: you can eat the marshmallow right now, or choose to wait a few minutes while the tester stepped out of the room, and when the tester returned the child could eat two marshmallows instead. Also, at any time the tester was out of the room, the child was free to ring a bell that was sitting on the desk, and the tester would quickly return and the child could eat the one marshmallow, forfeiting the second one.

The children handled the challenge differently. Some of the children would eat the marshmallow right away. Many more would employ various delay tactics – like covering their eyes, turning around, or even hiding under the desk. Some would even stare fixatedly on the treat, or hold it and stroke it like a treasured stuffed animal. Only 30 percent of the children were successfully able to resist for the entire time, about 15 minutes.

Years later, the researchers followed up on the hundreds of children tested, and discovered a very strong correlation between how the children fared at the marshmallow test and their subsequent behavioral, academic and later career and life success. Low delayers, the children who rang the bell quickly, had far more behavioral problems, struggled in stressful situations, and had more weight and drug problems. Further, children who waited the full 15 minutes scored, on average, 210 points higher on the SAT than the children who could wait only 30 seconds.

We and our children are growing up in a marshmallow world that feeds our desire for immediate gratification. It’s a world where our sensory natures can be fed immediately by just reaching for the remote, computer, portable gaming device or SmartPhone. We are too easily bored – we surround ourselves and our children with constant entertainment. Next time you go to a movie theater on a Friday or Saturday night, watch the teenagers who all have their cell phones out and are all staring at them. We are impatient. We get frustrated when fast food takes too long. Snail mail was too slow so we got fax and then eMail. eMail was too slow, and so now we have instant messaging and texting. While I am as guilty as anyone at for multi-tasking and expecting immediate results, this article reminded me how important it is to practice self-control in our lives, and to teach it to our children. God repeatedly implores us to have self-control. It is one of the indicators of the Holy Spirit in our lives (Gal 5:22-23), something both men and women are instructed to have (Titus 2), and in Titus 2:12 we learn that the Holy Spirit “teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.” Self-control is required not just to live healthy, successful lives, it is required to grow in our Christian faith and is one of the key indicators of the Holy Spirit’s influence in our lives.

I think it is fascinating that this early test of a child’s self-control ended up being a powerful predictor of that person’s success into adolescent and adult years. Clearly as adults we are not much better when it comes to resisting immediate gratification. Yet, I thought it was also exciting that a substantial subset of people that failed the marshmallow test as a 4-yr old also learned to become high-delayers as adults and had substantially improved their lives. How they did this remains the topic for future research, but I believe God does not let us settle for hopelessly giving in to every whim and temptation like a 4 year old. Instead, God gives us many methods and tools by which we can resist temptation:

Watch and Pray (Matt 26:41)

Know that God has provided a way out (1 Cor 10:13)

Flee from it (1 Cor 6:18, 1 Tim 6:11, 2 Tim 2:22)

Keep your eye on the goal and do not forfeit the bigger prize (1 Cor 3:8, 1 Cor 9:24)

It is especially important to practice these skills in the daily, little things. If we continuously choose immediate gratification, eating the dessert we don’t need, turning on the TV instead of opening our Bible, going out to eat because it’s just easier, we are practicing selfishness and lack of self-control many times a day. If we never practice resisting small temptations, how can we expect to react when it’s ‘game on’ and the real temptations come our way? And how can we learn to choose Godly self-control, when the reward is not even a second marshmallow, but something much more intangible like holiness?

As a parent, I want to model self-control for my children and help them learn to practice it daily. I also want to teach them the skills and reasoning behind patience. Again, I think it’s the daily little things where this must be practiced – helping them to refrain from the snack before dinner and learning they won't perish. Limiting their time on TV, computers, video games, etc, so that their minds continue to be creative without external input. Helping them to learn to save their money to buy something later for themselves or for someone else. We can talk to them about people they respect, whether it be relatives or sports stars, and explain the perseverance and self-control it took for them to get there. There are also daily examples we can point to of people failing because they could not exhibit self-control. We can even let them suffer the consequences of their own lack of self-control, be it failing a class or losing a friend, rather than punishing them ourselves or trying to step in and help solve it for them.

The distractions and temptations available to our children today mean we have to work harder than any generation of parents before to help teach our children self-control and perseverance. But if we can teach them these skills early in life, and model them as parents, our children can thrive in their lives and Christian faith.

New Posts in the New Year

Greetings Passionate Purposeful Parenting Readers,

I apologize for the lapse in posts. New posts will resume in the New Year. In the meantime I pray that all of you have a wonderful and blessed time with your families this Christmas and New Years. May you cherish the time and memories you make with your precious children.

Praying God's best for you as you seek to be passionate, purposeful parents.

Love Those Children

Author: Lynn Winters

Lynn and her husband live in Benicia California and they attend New Harbor Community Church. Lynn has been married to her wonderful husband Roger for 33 amazing years. Enjoys cooking, quilting and reading. She and her entire family love the outdoors and boating. Lynn works full time outside the home. Has been involved in children, youth and women’s ministries for over 20 years. Her greatest treasures are her adult children Joni, Hans, RJ and Carrie and her very precious grandchildren, Justin 6, Abby 4, and Dalton 1. Passing on their Christian Heritage is one passion she and her Husband love to share with family and friends.

When Melanie first approached me about writing an article for PPP my first response was let me “pray” about it. Then my very next thought was “I couldn’t possibly have anything of value that PPP readers could learn from me.” I pondered a few other negative thoughts for a moment before the Holy Spirit nudged me with another thought. Are you kidding?? Look how much the Lord has done for you and how much mercy he has had on you! With that said, I am grateful to Melanie for giving me the opportunity to think about how much the Lord has done for me and how much mercy he continues to have on me past, present, and future and the same for you.

PPP to me is about passing on to others the wisdom and knowledge we’ve gained from God’s word, and sharing those experiences with others. I have shared each and every article with someone in my life. And have applied some very good teachings to my life because of PPP. I love to hear when someone I sent it to then sent it to someone else!

I have worked in children’s ministries for the last ten years as an Awanna leader and then Cubbie director. My own personal mission statement in working with children in any program has always been that the children feel loved and valued. I want them to know just how special they are and how much they are loved by God. That mission statement is active and alive in my own life with my three precious and beautiful grandchildren, Justin 6, Abby 4, and Roger Dalton 1. My prayer is that they continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus. That they truly know how much the Lord had done for them. So that one day they will tell others how much the Lord can do for them too.

In Cubbies we share the Gospel message. We teach God’s word with great stories from the Bible. We memorize scripture, play games, sing praise songs and do crafts. Prayer is always a part of that time too and I can’t tell you what a privilege it has been to pray with so many children. Over the years I have had quite a few cubbie parents pray with their children to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior while they were in Cubbies. Those children’s names are written in the book of Life and also written on my heart. I remember Nathan sharing with all of us at cubbies when he invited Jesus into his heart when he prayed with his Mom on July 6, 2004. He was very excited to share with me at cubbies what he and his mom prayed.

During their Cubbie time Blake, Rachel, and Rachel (we had three that year)
Isabel, Katy, Olivia, all asked Jesus into their hearts. My grandson Justin also prayed with his Mom, my daughter, to receive Jesus as his Lord and Savior in July of 2007. Last year, Malachi came into cubbies and proudly and loudly shared his testimony with all of us! In September 2009 I had the privilege of praying with my own sweet granddaughter Abby. She told me one night after cubbies that she wanted a new heart. When I asked her why she wanted a new heart she told me because hers had sin in it and it’s ugly. We prayed and she confessed her sins. She had a long list and wanted to tell Jesus everything. She then asked Jesus in to her heart and was very, very thankful she got a new heart.

Our children grow up so fast, and our time with them is so precious. Seize the opportunities to teach them to pray, and to remember how much the Lord has done for them! I use the prayer calendar every day and I laminate them and give them away as little gifts. I love to pray the word of God, just insert the name of who you are praying for. This is one of my favorite Prayers Eph. 3:14-21.

I am so grateful the Lord has allowed me to witness children making choices to follow Jesus.